Mixed-Up
by Tama Anpan
Summary: After the Shinsengumi Crisis, things get complicated between the Oni and the Sadist. Okita finds himself, Hijikata finds something and the Yorozuya trio is still a nuisance... but not really.
1. Aftermath

**Disclaimer**_: Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki_

**The narration**_: It's non-linear and done so purposely with multiple POV._

**The story**_: A romance between you know who! ____I should probably label it Yaoi but won't, because I started writing this without knowing what the word meant. __It takes place between the Shinsengumi crisis and the Baragaki arcs, although with minor changes in the timeline. It focuses mostly on __ Hijikata and Okita, but the plot involves others too. _

_Precision: inspired by an other manga, "Kaze Hikaru" and the film "Gohatto" for some of the themes, mainly ____shudō (codified system of age-structured homosexuality) ____between samurais._

**Language**_: __English is not my first language and I didn't have a beta reader, apologies. The chapters will regularly be corrected until I'll be satisfied._

**_Thank you for the reviews and simply for reading... enjoy._**

* * *

**Prologue**

* * *

"Hijikata-saaan…"

_That brat is so annoying. _

"...I'm nineteen and horny."

He sighs heavily, his iron eyes reflecting on the surface of the blade, "You're sick... and Kondo-san was stupid to bring you home."

"It's normal behavior."

"Return to the hospital."

_Just a country bumpkin samurai_...He is counting the stains, Itou's blood, dried and almost black. He should've washed them already, it may rust if not taken care of...

"So why don't you do me?"

"Go away!"

He has to take care of it because that sword is bound to him no matter what and he can't throw it away... the sword and the rest. _Seven… eight… nine…_ Even if that's all he wants to do.

"Hijikata-san, why don't you hit me when I say things like that?"

The voice is different, filled with curiosity, and he glances around the room. Sitting against the door, his katana held tightly in his grip and reposing on his lap, Okita's gaze stare through him and for once there is no trace of the habitual mischievousness. "Kondo-san always corrects me when I cross the line." Hijikata looks back at his blade but the other keeps going, "For all the talks about the demon… you're the one th-"

"Shut up." The Vice Commander puts his sword aside, finally giving him attention as he contemplates the blood-red eyes and the tired, wounded, stubborn young man, his sandy hair shaping his beautiful face and it's almost hurtful to watch him just now.

"You look like shit. How did you crawl in here anyway?"

* * *

**Chapter 1: Aftermath**

* * *

_Demon_

Of all the fucked up things he had done in his life, this must be the worst. Between violently blinding his enemies in front of his family at barely ten and treating the woman he loved like shit, he thought he had already earned his place in hell or wherever demons where send to. But this… this was a whole new level. And the little bastard didn't bat an eyelash when he sat next to him, the brat even turned his head and held his gaze. _Mind game. Fine, I'm in._

Kondo-san had called Hijikata for a private breakfast in his quarters, unsurprisingly the other was already there, calmly immersed in his meal. "Ah! Toshi! Here, help yourself." Kondo's smile was genuine and welcoming and Hijikata instantly felt the disarray fading, despite, well... everything.

They almost lost each other four days ago. No, they almost lost everything and he knew the intimate moment would be mostly silent, after all those years they didn't need words to express anything anymore. He thought about the long days at the dojo in warm summers and chilly winters, when they were trying to become real samurais and became dogs, at least in the eyes of the public opinion. That, now, he didn't care, the Shinsengumi was almost reduced to ashes, at that moment Hijikata was certain Kondo was also remembering those times. And here they were, alive and together again.

But he didn't know what the brat was thinking. He rarely did.

After a while, the Commander asked about their wounds and showed again his overprotective nature by insisting they use _that _specific medication, "Here Toshi...drink."

"It tastes like crap, Kondo-san."

"That's an order."

And he insisted they take _that_ necessary vacation, "The tickets are only available four months... you have to go, Sougo take them."

"I hate snow."

"It's summer."

And the Gorilla babbled about other useless things that, Hijikata knew, would only get in the way of his duty and important things. _Like_ _Takasugi Shinsuke and that punk with the guitar strings._ He wanted to call Yamazaki, now, and start the new inquiry he had planned this very morning. They needed more spies and more patrol and more…

"… don't you think, Toshi?"

"Think what?"

The brat answered, completely unfazed as always. "_Tosshi_… is gone-" then he stopped, a smug grin forming on his lips and waiting... something.

"What?" Hijikata was already beyond annoyed.

"Doesn't that make you _happy_?"

_Of course not!_ He lighted a smoke, "Tch, he's still here."

As expected Kondo pitched voice started to worry, but he shrugged it off as unimportant because that's what it was, at least for now. _Later. Focus Kondo-san, someone planned to kill you_. But when he saw the satisfied grin still on Okita's face he decided otherwise and couldn't repress his own when he noticed a flash of something new into those crimson eyes as he said, "Just last night _Tosshi_ drowned in the sewer and tasted the waste-water".

Unfortunately for him, later that day, the brat seemed to be his usual self.

"Hijikata-san."

He glared at the blank face, "What?"

"You look like shit, want me to put you out your misery?" And Okita directed his bazooka towards his target.

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Sadist_

Masturbation had its limits and that's how it started.

Two days at the hospital and he still had been restless and tensed. Without a good night sleep and half drugged with painkillers, he had begged Kondo-san to bring him back to the headquarters. Again, buried deep in his futon, he tried to relax but all he saw was a red wagon, red eyes, dozens and dozens of red eyes. Red and lifeless. Then, he thought about his favorite occupation: mental torture. The fastest way to occupy his mind, to get rid of the boredom and obtain quick satisfaction. That was why Okita dragged himself to the Vice-Commander quarters, his katana already unsheathed.

He wanted to mess with someone's head and he got what he wished. _He_ had been surprised and didn't even try to fool himself to think otherwise.

The result spoke for itself. After crawling back into his room, he fell into a deep, long sleep and few hours later finally woke up rested. Memories of blood and rage were still there, constantly, but he could at least think of getting back to work, start to forget and sleep again. The morning after, staring at the ceiling, he had also enjoyed the idea that the other was probably in turmoil.

Turmoil meant pain, perhaps even suffering.

But the bastard stood up. _Tosshi my ass_. Hijikata needed to get laid as much as himself, so they did it together. Simple.

But there was something else that had crossed his mind, something that bothered him in a way, other than what happened. However he decided to drop the matter before he could catch a headache. He never had headache, he never over-thought things and certainly didn't want to start now.

_Hijikata you sick bastard, at least you offer challenges_.

And speaking of challenge, the young Captain spotted the peculiar umbrella.

_**o-o-o**_

They were both trying to catch their breath, she looked hungry, he looked like napping. He took a step back and sheathed his sword, "I win."

"You wish."

"No, I win."

She opened her weapon to shelter herself from midday sunlight, "Coward."

"Freak."

"Tax robber."

"Flat line." He wasn't sure she would get that one but she smiled an evil smile.

"Bakufu dog." She did, so he asked her.

"What makes you girls turned on?"

China had, indeed, looked very surprised, blinked a few times those incredibly blue eyes of hers and suddenly, realizing the meaning of the question, her face slowly turned into a disgusted grimace and she started vomiting her three meals on his feet, sukonbu included.

"I'm not hitting on you", said the emotionless voice.

And now they were sitting on a bench, she still wore the greenish color on her cheeks but was slowly regaining her original paleness. "And after the show earlier-", Okita pointed lazily to the vicious puddle not so far away that passersby tried to avoid, "I can assure you that it will never happen. Ever."

"That's your fault! And now I'm hungry, aru."

She should know whining never worked, "You were hungry before… So?"

"So what?"

"What makes girls tur-"

"Oi! I'm an innocent flower." She glared, outraged or hungry, he couldn't tell.

"You're being raised by Danna and watch dirty late TV shows. Talk." And more 'outraged' or just pissed, but only for a second as curiosity kicked in. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm a teenager." And bizarrely she was satisfied by the simple explanation. _Baka_. She shrugged, "Well… lots of things, I guess."

"Like what?"

"Holding hands, offering flowers, buying foo-"

"Stop. I'm talking about the physical things… like boobs and asses and legs." And next, she listed multitudes of surprising things he never knew girls could possibly be into, like eyebrows or nails or elbows. Sensing the endless monologue overtaking he cut in, "What about Danna?"

"What about him?"

"What do you like about him?" She smiled widely and picked her nose, "His hair, his cheeks, his eyes, his nails, his-"

"Stop. I get it, what about the other?"

"You mean Megane? His smile… his hands… his… ears… and… that's it."

"And Katsura?" She froze. "Don't look at me like that, I know you know him."

"Pff!... His hair is kawaii… his eyes and eyelashes… and he's strong like Gin-san… NO, almost like him… but he's baka."

"Yamazaki?"

"Hum…the blond one?"

"Never mind. Me?" A shocked grimace and horrified orbs fell on him, "You're a sadist."

"Forget about the sadist part." But she stayed silent and blinked. "Well, try." And somehow, somewhere deep down she was trying, "You're… err…"

"Megane and Danna said once that I'm a bishounen."

"When?" He sighed, she was starting to get on his nerve, "Episode *** without you."

"Oh!... Well…", she checked him out warily or did the Yato version of it, with murderous vibes surrounding her. "You're... sort of…"

_Forget it. _"And Gorilla?" Her features threatened to turn green again. "Riiight... Forget that too, bad idea." And as his shoes couldn't take it anymore he retreated to the far end of the bench then… finally asked, "Hijikata?"

"Smelly Baka Mayora?"

He wanted to hit her, "Forget the smoke and the stupid may-"

"He's a stud."

_What?_ "What?"

She nodded, chewing on her sukonbu, "Gin-chan said so once."

"Really?"

"Hmm… he said he's a stud that freaks out normal women with is mayora and never gets laid."

"Danna said that?"

"Yes. And then after he laughed like a maniac because HE gets laid."

He didn't say anything for a while and she was too busy eating her dirt to notice his perplexed state. But before the situation could get weird like both of them sharing... a moment... peacefully, he went on, shaking his head in disbelief, "Do you even know what 'gets laid' means?"

"No. What does it mean anyway? That sorry-ass-lazy-bum won't tell me!" _Go figure. _Okita didn't bother to answer, "And what do _you_ think?" She stared back confusedly, having probably lost the trail of their conversation and now he really wanted to stab her, "About Mayora."

"He's pretty… but not like Gin-chan."

That was when he wanted to try his new prank or pursue the fight, he actually liked fighting against her, or put his mask on and sleep. But all he did was standing up and walking away, without even glancing at her. And he started... thinking.

"OI! YOU SADISTIC BAKAISER ROTTEN BRAT-ARU!"

He turned slighly, looking over his shoulder and facing her pissed ugly scowl and menacing umbrella, and he changed his mind.

"Oi China! If a guy tells you he wants to get laid, hit him in the balls. And then tell Danna and Baldi that _you_ got laid."

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Fukuchou_

Hijikata didn't know why he was so stubborn with that shit, it was a dead-end and he knew it, even Yamazaki knew it, as he so annoyingly mentioned that fact for the twelfth time in four pages. At his wits end he finally threw the essay away and lighted a cigarette, glancing at the daily patrol rapports.

Suddenly his body stiffed and he ducked on the left side, avoiding an arrow aimed at his head that landed silently on the wall before his desk. Hijikata straighted up and mumbled as if no one was here, "So that's what you were up to all day?... I knew it… fucking too subtle for my one good." Pulling the object of the almost crime off the wall he examined it carefully, "Antique store shopping?"

The brat was leaning nonchalantly against the door, "You have no sense of beauty, Hijikata-san."

Tossing the arrow away Hijikata opened the first file he got his hands on, "You tell me." The papers slid one after the other and silence settled in the room again. But not for long, his impatience getting the better of him, "I have no need of your slacker ass, unless you have something constructing to say about our new Joui friends."

He heard the door being closed and the other approaching, out of habit Hijikata clutched his hand around his katana. "That's a dead-end, Hijikata-san, you said it yourself today."

_He's definitively annoying_.

The young man sat near him but at a safe distance. Hijikata gazed tiredly upon his desk, his empty eyes unable to focus anymore and eventually closed the file. _Dead-end, __dead head, __dead Itou._

Sougo broke the silence, "Have you washed the stains yet?" He tensed immediately, Okita always had the habit to choose the wrong topics, "Have you?"

"Of course… who do you think I am? But I guess... it's not the same for you."

"Why not?"

"I just wanted them to die...I never hated them personally."

Hijikata faced him, Sougo's eyes were as unreadable as ever, "That's not why. And it's clean now." He rested his chin on his hand and looked back into the void, "I didn't wash it because I wanted to forget he was a traitor… I wanted to look at my sword and remember the honor killing only… stupid! That's cowardice for you… I didn't want to be the Oni Fukuchou anymore." He sneered lightly and exhaled smoke, "So now you can kill me and take my place."

"I will. One day."

Then Sougo closed the distance and quickly he sensed a hand on his stomach and then lips on his neck. And for some reasons, although he dreaded to to know why, he felt relieved. The hand went down under his yukata and the lips reached his own. It was soft and tasted even better than the other night. Resting his hand lightly on the lean shoulder he pulled him closer. They kissed. Tongues soft and wet and rough and dry. And the hand kept going there and he was almost too caught up into this to stop. _How pathetic... just a tongue and a hand._ But he still tried and put his other hand on the warm chest, and pushed.

"That's even more stupid than the first time."

"Why?" The voice was soft and the stare fierce.

"Because it is... don't you see?"

"I'm nineteen and horny."

Stupid answer and dangerous game, Okita in a nutshell. Hijikata sighed and wanted to hit him senseless, "Go release yourself… alone." Picking up the arrow he threw it in the brat's hands, no way he was going to let the sadist twist his mind again, his voice suddenly matched his words, "Now leave! I don't care about teenage hormones. What kind of immature officer are you? Okita Taichou!"

Murderous crimson eyes glared at him. It seemed to work and before long Hijikata was alone again.

_**o-o-o**_

_Sadist_

Someone he respected, Danna, and someone he sort of respected, China, had unknowingly helped him set his mind on a strange idea. After some thinking, and the memory of the Vice-Commander lost look at his stained blade, Okita decided that all of his feelings made sense, or at least most of them did.

Hijikata was a heartless sick bastard who didn't deserve 95% of the love Kondo-san was indulging him. He should die soon but attempting on his life was way more enjoyable than anything else, that and chasing the Joui bastards. Hijikata was a killer, the brain of the Shinsengumi and his friend, even if he still couldn't stand him. Okita didn't need to anyway, because Hijikata was the Oni no Fukuchou and most people already hated him and the bastard was the one who could come with a plan against the terrorist punks anyway. Okita didn't intent to stop hating his guts, but Hijikata had experience and it was new and hot and exciting. He was attracted to him because most people were. People like handsome things and handsome people, even if they are heartless bastards.

That was why Okita took his crossbow that night and left his katana behind, why he walked the long corridor and why he quietly closed the door behind him.

"That's a dead-end..."


	2. Insight

_**Gintama still belongs to Sorachi sensei**_

* * *

**Chapter 2: Insight**

* * *

_Napping girl_

Bam…bam…bam…

"Oi…Sadaharu…aru…Sadaharu…stop hitting me…it hurts…aru."

Bam…bam…bam…

"Wake up."

She aimed for a punch, preferably in the face, but only hit thin air...

Bam…bam…bam…

"Oi! Megane…it hurts…aru." Kagura's eyes opened slowly in a blur, after some blinking and rubbing she could finally identify the disturbance that ended her _very_ short nap. Smug smirk, checked. Red eyes, checked. Not silver hair drenched in blood, checked..._Wait...What the hell..._

"Oi China! Immigration control. Where's your lolicon substitute-daddy?"

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Fukuchou_

Hijikata was massaging his left temple, it might work, it was _supposed_ to help easing the throbbing pain in his skull.

"It's not as if it never happened before."

They all wore skeptical expressions and acted rather obnoxiously as having secretly spread the word between them to prevent their Vice Commander from going through with the meeting without a headache. A small and uncertain voice rose, "Yes...but...three in row, that's brutal."

_Inoue. Fine, seppuku tomorrow. _Hijikata reached for his pocket only to stop short, fidgeting awkwardly, nervousness growing as it was impossible to smoke... here and now. _Damn rule. _He looked aside, "Kondo-san?"

"I agree it's brutal...but we could always hire Otsu-chan back if things get tricky with the populat-"

"NO!"

His and another firm voice had shouted in unison and Hijikata didn't have to second guess whose voice it was as Okita let out a low sigh in the first rank. "Aaaah! All right...all right! That's not often you two agree on something." The docile Commander was well aware of the necessity of this raid, brutal or not and reputation be cursed as long as they took the Joui morons down.

He relied on the map behind him to do most of the explanation, all the slow minds who couldn't catch up would seppuku on the morrow, that was what Hijikata decided in a split second, "Squad 1 and 3 team up, Kondo-san will lead. 2 and 4 with me. 8, 10 and 6 you'll be the backups here and here. 9 and 7 protect the HQ. Questions?"

Some sighs, lots of scowls and two or three attempts nipped in the bud with a single glare.

"Fine, dismissed."

They all stood and the room slowly cleared itself in a dissatisfied murmur. _What did they expect? That's our job._ _Period_. Sliding the outside door, finally able to pull out smoke and lighter, Hijikata didn't have the time to reflect on his choices as he suddenly felt a slight discomfort when recognizing a cat-like gait approaching.

"Who is _not_ to be killed?"

Hijikata didn't want to look at him and faced the cloudy sky, "Idiot, no one of course."

After a silence, one of those that were entirely part of theirs interactions now, since that night, Okita slowly walked away.

"Oi...Why you're asking? It's not as if you'll do anything other than what you want."

But the other didn't stop and casually put his hands in his pockets, "Just watch and see."

_**o-o-o**_

_Taichou_

SLASH!

The man yelped in pain but mostly of shock, that couldn't be helped, he had had the wrong idea trying something as silly as backstabbing. Okita checked quickly if the others were still breathing, even ready to do CPR on them if necessary.

The abandoned complex was plunged in darkness and his senses were acutely aware of footsteps coming near him, his men were still on the floor below and would probably join the party soon. There wasn't much time left, he positioned himself before the staircase, knees relaxed, body turned sideways, one hand gripping the scabbard and the other stilled in mid-air. Ready for them.

They dashed like one man with stupid roars and useless swinging, battōjutsu was the most effective technique and he had polished it like a precious gem for ten years now. He took three in one stroke... and still no killing.

Smiling, he went for the second blow while the first squad rushed in.

_**o-o-o**_

_Zaki_

"Okita Taichou has done it again."

As a matter of fact Fukuchou's lighter was dead and Yamazaki heard him cursed himself for not having matches. The man was constantly irritated lately, even more so than usual, which explained why people were avoiding him _even more_ when he ran out of nicotine or mayonnaise. Finally giving up, the Vice-Commander let the unlit cigarette hanging on his lips and glanced at him, "How many?"

"None actually...but some severe injuries." Which meant those men will never be able to hold a sword anymore. Fukuchou muttered under his breath, "Where's Kondo-san?"

"Ah, talking to the press I think."

"What...already?"

"Yes...but...they're kinda disappointed we didn't blow everything."

"Tch...morons!" Then Fukuchou's eyes widened, the young Captain had joined them and Yamazaki understood why when he looked himself.

Okita was wrapped in blood, his sword dripping, and explicitly showing it like a trophy, "See? No killings." The blank, bored voice still crept him out after all those years.

Hijikata was glaring at him, "D'you want a medal?"

_That's my cue._ Yamazaki chose the opportunity to flee, unnoticed if possible, dealing with those two was too much to take for his poor heart.

"Tick tock...times up...Fukuchou, or almost _former_ Fukuchou." _Yep... better now_. Step by step, he slowly slipped out of their sight.

"Here-" Fukuchou shoved a file on Okita's chest, "-Tick tock, time for paperwork!" And he left while the light-brown haired man suddenly called after him, "Oi Zaki...you do that, I need a drink."

The jerk threw the papers in _his_ hands while leaving too. "Eh! What? But it's early afternoon and you don't handle alc-" He stopped right there, a murderous vibe emanating from the deceitfully calm face telling him to do the wise thing, "...No...nothing!"

All Yamazaki could do was glancing right and left to see both men walking decidedly in opposite directions.

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Client_

"Please, submit your question."

"Two men… no… a man and a woman. The man is-"

"A virgin."

Surprised, he narrowed his eyes, "How many people asked you that before?"

"Searching data. Please wait."

"Oi, stop… I don't… care… at all..." But Tama was already giving him the twenty pages of names, dates and quotes before he could even finish the sentence. "Damn… you're fast."

The snack bar was empty and Okita guessed 4 p.m. was too early to get drunk. He had ended up here waiting for the natural perm and managed, easily, to bribe China with a free meal in exchange for a shower. That's why she was currently eating her third portion at the bar, while the old lady eyed his stained uniform and the bottomless stomach with a spiteful glare.

Unfazed, he tossed the papers unceremoniously and proceeded, "So the man is pure… sort of, and the woman is not… at all. They both want to be happy."

"Happy means sex."

"Yes. The man doesn't want the woman to know he doesn't know what to do… no, correction…that he doesn't know how to do it right. So the woman sort of gets it, without saying anything and then she gives something to the man."

"Something?"

He paused, searching the right word, "Something nice."

"An orgasm."

"You got it. But when the man wants to give something nice too, the woman says he doesn't have to. And the man is sort of relieved about it because-"

"Because?"

Second pause, and this one took a long time, "Because the man is young and… scared."

"Scared of the woman."

"No. Scared that he could do it wrong…he doesn't want to disappoint the woman... because he wants the woman to... never mind. And the woman seems to get it, again. And she makes herself happy with her hand and the man's hand, but gently… very… so the man doesn't freak out and doesn't behead her. That's it."

She watched him blankly, apparently robot-maid-sex-toys didn't blink, "Please, submit your question."

"Why would a cold-hearted horny bastard refuse a free blow job?"

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Hijikata_

"What? Did you expect me to pursue your sex education?"

After weeks of 'status quo' something had obviously triggered the young man to come here again and now he was standing in front of his desk, Hijikata could try speculate endlessly but didn't care to, maybe it was simply the violent raid today that prompted this? What was certain was that the opened shōji allowed a small rumor of insects and breeze to intrude the room, along with the fresh night air, a fortunate coincidence this late at night for Hijikata didn't want to share a confined space with Sougo. Sougo and his katana.

"Don't give yourself such credit, Hijikata-san."

"I don't recall you being that experienced." He finally looked up. "Ah! The glare… Come on, _you_ came here so bear with it."

And the brat did, as always. He had borne with the insults and the coldness and he wondered why exactly he couldn't help being such a jerk with the Okita family. No matter how much the kid still made him paid for that on a daily basis.

"Why did you sleep with me?"

"As far as I'm concerned, I didn't." The glare was surprised and angry. And how comes all of a sudden he could read so many emotions on that normally stoic face? "I didn't go all the way, did I? So you're still pur-."

Click. The young samurai had already unsheathed and Hijikata didn't even see when the sword crushed the wood with a loud and quick bang. _Prodigy. _In one clean stroke the desk was destroyed and his hands only inch away from the blade. His mind tried to process what happened quickly, because no matter what he might anticipate, Hijikata never really knew what to expect from the sadist.

The footsteps coming in their direction redirected him to the present, even if they were alone in that part of the barracks the noise was still loud enough to draw attention. "Fukuchou? Fukuchou… are you all ri-?" The man's voice was silenced by a glance thrown at him, blood-red eyes saying it all.

Hijikata eventually deigned to respond, "Accident. Leave." And the man watched them hesitantly, but only a instant, then left without being asked twice.

Okita glared at him again and he waited until they couldn't hear the steps anymore, "You owe me."

"I owe you nothing. _You_ came to me that night."

"And you went along with it… and it didn't take much… as _I_ recall."

Sarcasm filled his voice, "You should feel flattered. Now go."

They stared and stared and the katana didn't move. His shoulders were aching from the grueling day and he finally expelled a long sigh, "Go look at yourself in a mirror, and then tell me what's so surprising about it. Anyone could be attracted to someone like you."

That startled the young man, "But why you?"

"Because I have needs too! It's that simple." And it was slowly unsettling him how unusual Sougo's behavior was.

"You're the adult, you should've-"

Hijikata stood up abruptly and grabbed his collar, "How long you're gonna use that for an excuse? You can cut people in two without battling an eyelash, yet you come here to whine on my shoulder about that? Get over it. I didn't rape you!"

The crimson eyes were perturbed, obviously, even if the brat tried to hide it. He released him and walked towards the garden, lighting a smoke as he sat on the engawa. It was warm outside and exhaustion took over at last, "Why d'you need an explanation anyway?" But he only heard silence and the dark sky, not wanting to expand the meeting he knew nonetheless that he had to, "Sometimes things like that happen... Nothing to get all worked up about." His own voice was surprisingly soft in his ears, glancing at the young man he realized that Okita hadn't moved at all.

A composed voice finally emerged, "I'm a man."

"Tch! So what? It's _that_ that bothers you?"

The answer was long to come, "No."

Hijikata exhaled smoke and looked back into the night, he felt strangely calm, at peace, something heavy still weighted on his chest but somehow, here, with nightfall long gone and in the presence of a person he had known for so long... a person with whom he had crossed that special line, he let his thoughts talk.

"I should go to Yoshiwara more often… Women… always used to appease me..." And unaware of the burning eyes looking at him at that instant, he added absently, "And so should you... By the way, you did well this morning."

When he looked back it was only to see tensed shoulders, sandy hair and a tightly held katana walking away rapidly.

_**o-o-o**_

_Sougo_

_Bastard_.

_Hijikata doesn't mind screwing men. Fine. He doesn't mind screwing women either. Fine. But what kind of bullshit was that? That bastard had given him a blow job, dammit! That counts as sleeping with someone. If they had just masturbated or just kissed or touched… bullshit! Even that counts too!_

_Damn right he didn't rape me. What kind of rapist would do what he did? Fucking bastard! He thinks I can't see through all of it and add two and two? He's just being a jerk... like always. I should've maimed that asshole._

_And why do I give a damn in the first place? I haven't even think about it for weeks... Why that stupid sex toy brought it up anyway?_

_Should've gone boozing with Danna instead... what a waste._

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Fukuchou_

Okita Sougo hates losing control. He hates showing weakness. And he hates being confused.

Something Hijikata had known for years, that's why he didn't find himself the least surprised that, after the incident with the broken desk and his almost maimed hands, Okita Sougo decided to concentrate on what he did best: Being a sadist...

"Hijikata-saaan..." Leaning lazily on the white car, his bazooka on his shoulder with a typical conceited face, "...You let Katsura escape again. And Takasugi. And his crew. Doesn't that make you a failure?"

And a swordsman genius…

In shining black, perspiration flowing from his temples and arms, the practice shinai lowered, "Hijikata-san, how many times did I kick your ass already? I lost count. Please don't waste my talent anymore."

That day, half of the Shinsengumi troops had to deal with the consequences of a stomach flu, or a food poisoning, or was it an epidemic diarrhea? That's what Kondo wished to believe, or chose to. But Hijikata knew better, as he never ever ate anything coming from the hands of a smiling Okita and that's why he wasn't the one clutching his belly with a sickly face.

"Kondo-san, it's time for Sougo to meet a woman… intimately." He could tell the Commander was stunned, "What? Toshi… What did you just say?"

"He's nineteen and horny."

The intestine emitted a loud and unpleasant gurgling, "But…wait…what?"

"Remember how you were at nineteen? You should go with him to Yoshiwara."

"Me? Why me… What about you?" The sick irony of that proposition made him cringe. "Kondo-san… you're the person he respects and admires the most. And if you don't want to take charge of this… I'm going to ask the second person he respects and admires the most."

"Who?" The Commander blinked, speechless. "Toshi?", _almost_. He stood and walked to the door, but before leaving his gaze fell back on his longtime friend and he said without flinching, "Yorozuya."

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Client_

"Processing data. Please wait… Processing data. Please wait… Processing data. Please wait… Relating the incident that occurred during the sexual encounter between -_Two men… no… a man and a woman_- my personal data-conclusion has concluded two possible interpretations."

Okita emerged from the bench he had fallen asleep in Otose's Snack bar, "No kidding…two hours, I take back my compliment."

"Data-conclusion 1: _Subject A: a woman_ is afflicted by an irreversible mental disability." His slumped body didn't move.

"Data-conclusion 2: _Subject A: a woman' s _behavior during the sexual encounter shows multiple forms of comprehensiveness, thoughtfulness, selflessness, gentleness, sexual skills and general kindness that are the external expressions of deep rooted feelings for _Subject B: a man_. Unfortunately for the client, the exact nature of those deep rooted feelings is impossible to conclude giving the relative evasiveness of the story. However, those deep rooted feelings _might_ be related to a very common and universal human affliction known as-"

"Okita-san… what are doing here?"

He managed to slowly turn his head and locked his empty stare on a pair of very surprised glasses. At the same moment, standing on the bar with a huge grin, a familiar orange-haired girl was shouting in their vicinity.

"OI MEGANE! I'VE GOT THE SADIST'S WALLET… IT'S OPEN BAR, ARU!"


	3. Hero

_**-Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki**_

* * *

**Chapter 3: Hero**

* * *

_Sunday_

**BAM!**

"GIN-SAAAAN!"

_Fog...why it's so foggy?...and where…Oi! Head. Hurt. Too. M-_

"KAGURA-CHAAAAN!"

_Ah! Haha...I get it…Yomi, it's Yomi...no worse...hell on earth...is th-_

**VLAM!** The door opened violently, "Gin-san! Wake up, emergency."

Gintoki was lying on his futon, a hand on his chest, still in shock. "The only emergency is my unnaturally fast racing heart, Patsuan. I need milk, rosy milk."

"OI! I SAID IT'S AN EMERGENCY! GET UP."

_**o-o-o**_

"Why me…why always me?"

"It's your responsibility you lazy waste of oxygen", the old hag expelled a large tobacco fog in his direction, "She's sick, you fix her. I don't want to see any more of those filthy stories in my bar."

Still half awake he eyed the green-haired robot that was, indeed, busy fast-printing her 'personal data conclusions' on the floor of Otose's Snack bar while Catherine tried, angrily, to catch them.

"A bum spiked her drink yesterday." Gintoki glanced at the old hag, puzzled. Another smoky-fog, "Detergent".

"MWAHAHA! Listen Gin-chan: Please Tama marry me I cannot sleep anymore I dream about your naked body covered in anpan ev-"

"KA-KAGURA-CHAN, STOP THAT!" Shinpachi, red in the face, had just snatched away the papers from the Yato girl's grip.

Otose sighed heavily, "See?"

Gintoki wanted his bed or his couch or his chair AND his milk and so he wisely started walking away, "Let's go Tama".

_**o-o-o**_

"She's expelling all the dirt of the dirty minds of Kabukicho's male population."

"I see."

Gintoki switched on the old TV of Gengai's workshop and sat in front of the weather news, at least something was worth waking up that early. The old mechanic was kind enough to open his atelier on Sunday, he knew he had a soft spot for the maid-robot. _Well, she is smart and pretty._ The clics, clangs, bings and tocs were almost like a nice lullaby while looking at Ana. When she disappeared with a smile he switched off and looked around lazily. Bored, he finally picked up one the dirty paper.

My heart bleeds. I tried everything, even the darkest challenge of eating her food.

But she remains distant. Help me! I day-dream of her naked legs, her naked breasts, her nak-

SCRATCH!

_Sick pervert._

___**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Tuesday_

"Gin-chan, Gin-chan...listen this one: I will shot in the legs and then burn alive every single worthless shit who lays a hand on my daughter... want to see?- BAM...HAAAAAA AAAARGHHH!... -Die you worthless shit! aru - But your daughter is not here - It's prevention, aru - It's murder - What's your name again? I like y-"

"KAGURA-CHAN! I already told you to stop that! Gin-san says something!"

Gintoki decided it was time for him to stop reading his Jump and headed to the entrance door.

"GIN-SAN!" Shinpachi glared at him reproachfully. _Teenage hormones are noisy. _"Where are you going?"

He turned slightly and gazed upon his shoulder the two bane of his existence, "I have a date".

_**o-o-o**_

"Mayora-sama…long time no see!"

It had started well, with a parfait... and then a second. Even if that ugly scowl was getting more and more prominent, it still didn't ruined his sweet lunch. But that was the moment the nicotine freak choose to get to the point and he was still shaking his head in disbelief at the idea.

_Then _the third parfait came into the discussion. And he still couldn't fathom why the other was willing to go that far to get it done.

"You're an idiot."

The idiot smirked, "Hijikata-kun…if you had breast I'd woo you."

"SHUT UP!…he had girlfriends before…for all I know."

"Mah…girlfriends?" He started counting on his fingers, "You mean the toy on leash he got while stealing Patsuan's pen pal girl or the false Maso and real Sado in a _virtual _game or th-"

"So what? You bedded that tsundere mommy of yours… IN THE SAME GAME!"

"IT WAS A MIDDLE AGED MALE MANAGER...AND A TETRIS GAME!"

Hijikata glared at him in horror.

_Damn!_ Gintoki looked away, "Oi…let's not go there!"

"I...I agree…So are you in?"

In the crowded restaurant Gintoki's dead-fish eyes stared at the three empty parfait cups and then the irritated face before him. The other man was gritting is teeth around an unlit smoke. Enjoying the view he purposely looked bored, at nothing in particular that was, and then picked his nose. Of course the effect was immediate and the baka mayora tightened his fist.

"OI !"

He then decided it was the right time for a "cleaning" session, mainly his ear. _Boiling point starts in 3…2…1…_The demon Vice-Commander grabbed violently his collar.

_...Zero. _"OI! YOU USELESS BUM!"

"How much Gorilla will pay?" The voice was perfectly uninterested.

Hijikata released him, "Tch! Too much."

_Aah!_

"I'm in. When?"

The demon Fukuchou sighed, trying to hide his growing frustration, his temple throbbing dangerously, "I don't know! It depends on Gori…Kondo-san's…**_plan_**."

Gintoki blinked, "Oh my! It's _that_ bad?"

"Shut up!"

A knowing smirk formed on his lips, "And how long have you been waiting to ask _me _?"

The tax-robber glare was like a fourth parfait, "Three months."

___**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Thursday_

"Omae no Tou-chan…Chome-Chome…"

Gintoki and Kagura slumped bodies were petrified on the couch, their half-opened eyes fixated on the void between the TV and the window, or more acutely the very busy and singing Shinpachi and his vacuum cleaner.

"Gin-chan, I'm scared."

"Chome-Chome…"

"It's worse and worse."

"Chome-Chome…"

Kagura held her stomach, "I'm hungry."

"Chome-Chome…"

Gintoki felt sick, "It's worse than worse."

___**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Saturday_

"Oi, Gin-chan this one is fun: Two men… no… a man and a woman. The man is - A virgin, aru - How many people asked you that alrea-"

"ENOUGH!", SNATCH, SCRATCH, BAM! After his new outburst Shinpachi stormed off the apartment, red and sweating, while a blank-faced Kagura blinked in stupor.

"What's up with him, aru?"

No response. Her lazy sorry excuse of a guardian was sleeping on the couch, or not really, a Jump on his face. Kagura sat on the ground and started poking his shoulder. No response. She started hitting. A grunt. She started punching...

"Oi! Gin-san is in sweet dream."

"Gin-chan...what does 'virgin' mean?"

No response.

"Gin-chan...what does 'gets laid' mean?"

_Help please, help...Otae. Call Anego...now!_

_**-O-O-O-O-**_

_Two weeks later_

"Oi, Souchiro-kun… you and me both know what the real purpose of this party is."

"It's Sougo, Danna."

The streets of Yoshiwara were busy as they walked slowly through the drunken clients, the pretty Geishas and the grumpy tenants.

"Yes, yes… all my efforts to bring him to this single, one in a lifetime, event. The _tokijiku no kagu no mi _of a man's life... yes, there's only one cherry to be popped tonight…and it's not yours… he will finally feel the natural and drop the digital."

"Spare me the details, Danna. And I'm offended you doubt my innocence."

"You're as pure as your Fukuchou's lungs."

The usual deadpanned face stared at him, Gintoki smiled evilly, "I'm the main character."

"Danna?"

"Hmm."

"I just discovered how much the bastard loved Aneue... and it's fucked up."

Before he could even respond, not that he actually had anything to say anyway, the familiar booming voice of the Gorilla was calling them. He was standing in front of a red and black pleasure house entrance, a horror-stricken and pale Shinpachi at his side. Gintoki glanced at the strange kid next to him only to see that the shadow had disappeared from his face, replaced instead by the usual unfazed and blank composure and _then _the flicker of the sadistic smile. The kid resumed his nonchalant walk to the Gorilla and the now near collapsing Megane.

Gintoki was somehow unable to move, this was something that screamed 'you should think this over', but he didn't want to, not now.

_Bad…bad idea._

The thought of having to deal with something like a drunken Tsukuyo suddenly felt like a sweet dango compared to the disaster that awaited him behind those walls.

* * *

**_Tokijiku-no-kaku-no-konomi:_ fruit of the everlasting fragrant tree. Tajimamori, god of wagashi (japanese sweets made of azuki bean paste) was sent to a quest to find the fruit by emperor Suinin. **


	4. Relapse

**__****-Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Relapse**

* * *

_Elite_

Tip...tiptiptip...tip…beep...beep!

Hiding behind a chimney he absently asked her what they were up to and without looking she gave him the binoculars, biting on her donuts. He turned his gaze on the two backward samurais perched on the roof not far from their building and brought the instrument to his eyes.

The peasant chain-smoker was sitting near the gutter, talkie in one hand, cigarette in the other, his eyes locked on the street. The skinny kid was standing behind him, adjusting a bazooka in the same direction and carefully positioning himself to have also the Vice-Commander in his line of sight, as he was seemingly targeting both the street and the man.

Sasaki Isaburo suddenly put his cell phone in his golden pocket, "Let's go play."

**_o-o-o_**

_Fukuchou_

Hijikata was fuming or more precisely on the verge of self-combustion. Earlier he had spotted a vending machine and dragged Yamazaki and the brat with him his body needed nicotine, fast. And here he was, hitting the damn thing that refused to give his cigarettes, the ones he had paid for. The spy oddly knew better today and hadn't uttered a word since the disaster while the brat was sitting lazily against the machine, his creepy sleeping mask on his face. _Great_. After more hitting and shouting Hijikata finally let go.

_Calm down._

"I'm gonna strangle those elite shit myself…one by one."

Yamazaki suddenly chose the option of saying something, or tried, his mouth opened but closed as soon as the Vice-Commander glanced in his direction, pinning him with that single look, "Car. Now."

With the anpan freak out of his sight he inhaled deeply in search of a normal respiration. Katsura had disappeared again and this time it wasn't his nor the fault of the Shinsengumi.

_Why did those bastards come here anyway? They're to protect the castle dammit! Why would the Mimawarigumi screw that kind of opera-_

"Are you done yet?" The bored voice rose in the air, ending his inner monologue and when the brat hit the vending machine with his fist, the pack of cigarettes dropped, effectively ending his physical tumult. "Here, let cancer kill you."

_So annoying_. Hijikata grabbed it and started living again when the nicotine entered his lungs. This wasn't the usual screw up, it felt calculated but of course Kondo-san wouldn't hear any of it, even when Okita had talk to him for half an hour, he had left to see Matsudaira without a word.

"Those guys stink."

"Hijikata-san, tell me something that I don't know."

"No it's something else…I have a bad feeling about this."

"Since when your gut feeling is of any use?"

He didn't bother to answer back or being upset by the dig and walked to the car, "Sougo, let's go." But before climbing on the seat Hijikata turned to face him and muttered, "Next time be sure to cut that bitch in two for real."

The young man only half smiled with flaming eyes, "You can count on that".

And for the first time in weeks Hijikata felt something warm in his chest.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Recruit_

"And him?"

Shuntaro pointed at the teenage boy, a typical bishounen, with skinny arms and round cheeks, but the man beside him gasped, "That's someone you shouldn't approach or talk to if you have nothing to say."

He shrugged, "He doesn't look that impressive...not much muscles either."

"Hey! Speak louder and you'll know your misery, stop!"

Kyokuchou's voice rose again and his attention was drawn to the oddly embarrassed leader and Shuntaro wondered again if he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life by enrolling in the Shinsengumi.

"Now I know we didn't start on good term with them...but let's not get this unfortunate incident get in the way of...of...well goodwill and companionship between our two organisations!"

"Tch!"

The infamous Hijikata was standing next to the Commander, smoking and sulking. Granted, that one looked impressive but too much a pretty boy to be taking seriously.

"Toshi!"

He was sincerely starting to believe that the special police's reputation was false propaganda, maybe spread by some Bakufu higher-ups to instill terror on Edo. But there was no way in hell the bubble wouldn't burst soon or later and no way those guys were bloodthirsty demons!

After the speech, Shuntaro approached discretely near them, wanting to make sure his presumptions were founded, if so, he would desert at nightfall.

They were speaking in hushed voices. "Kondo-san, there something else...you still haven't been visiting women." The young recruit gasped. _I knew it...womanizers! Samurais my ass!_

"Why would I, Otae-san is the on-"

"With Sougo."

"Ah...aah...That! well... in time...in time...I'm taking care of it." _What kind of sissy Commander is that!_ Kondo was ready to leave but turned one last time with a constrained smile, "And...you should do something about that scowl Toshi, it's getting worse."

Disheartened, Shuntaro fled too and hid behind thick bushes, racking his brain as how he would pull off the desertion. _Those guys are a fraud... Arghhh! I can't beli-_

"OI!"

An ice-cold and sharp object landed on his neck. Already shaking, Shuntaro looked over his shoulder, arctic eyes shot him a deadly glare and smoke was blurring the rest of the face, a demonic face. "D'you know what we do to slackers aroun' here?"

And he felt like peeing on himself.

**_o-o-o_**

_Mayora_

Almost three months had passed and that damn Gorilla was still hanging up to that stupid plan. Mainly the so-called soft approach, the one supposed to avoid sexual trauma or whatever words had been used. _Tch!_ How about just simply put him in front of a naked prostitute and be done with it. The guy was a sadist, _he_ would inflict the trauma.

'Statu quo' was in place again, like nothing happened before, or almost. Hijikata knew the men had noticed, perhaps even the oblivious king had at this point. Since the night the brat almost maimed him he practically stopped yelling and berating Okita, something undoubtedly noticeable. He had found himself unable to let his usual short tempter explode at the attempted murders with bazooka, cursed doll or crossbow, even if the brat resumed the sadistic behavior with a renewed imagination. But he knew those attempts were only that... attempts and he also knew the other was right.

_He_ was the adult, _he_ should have stopped. But he didn't.

That's why Hijikata decided to bear with that burden. In fact, if he were absolutely honest he would know he had already stopped the shouting before that broken desk. That he had stopped after the brat left his room that other night.

The night he lost his mind because of blood stains on a sword.

But it's not like he surrendered either, their verbal jousts were their form of communication and it worked. As long as they weren't left _alone_ and they never were, except on duty. And adding to that, the current 'dissension' about the last 'incident' with the 'elites' was still spoiling his relation with Kondo.

Brushing away these thoughts, Hijikata walked through the crowd straight to the silver nuisance and his parfait who was smiling at him. Someone fate seemed to enjoy inflicting upon him on regular basis, not to mention the guy was a sadist too.

_That idiot!_

"Mayora-sama…long time no see!"

**_o-o-o_**

_Sougo_

Since the 'Katsura escaped again' incident, things had been frosty between Kyokuchou and the mayo freak. _Good, suck it up_. It didn't matter if Okita thought the bastard was right, as long as he could see him drowning in his misery and sulking far away. Kondo-san was still deluding himself though, there was no way the two police could get along after that. But Hijikata seemed to think the Commander needed time, so he decided he would go along with it and not push the issue... for now.

However, there was still that stupid idea in the air, _his _ idea. And Okita couldn't fathom why Gorilla agreed in the first place with that nonsense.

The Yoshiwara 'mission'.

And now he was trapped again into an endless monologue about physical needs and flower metaphors. _Really Kondo-san?_ And of course the inevitable mention of true love and the distinction between the two. The she-gorilla popped up at least five times but Kondo kept going, trying to justify men's weakness for 'nature' and the sweetness of geishas. What would his mentor think if he told him he had spanked countless of his 'girlfriends'? That thought occupied him a while during the babble. Although he had enjoyed those thrilling sessions, none of them had actually a sexual conclusion, not even the beginning of some arousal. Sadistic pleasure, yes. Sex, no. Not that he hadn't tried, but… things simply never went this way, ever.

An hour later he was wandering around the dojo in great need to fulfill another natural urge, napping. Shinais clashing, shouts and heaving breathing escaped from the windows, as always someone was training. He found his favorite tree and settled comfortably, lying on the grass and sheltered by the large branches he slowly fell into nothingness. When suddenly the sounds coming from the dojo encompassed everything and his body... reacted.

He had recognized the man... simply by hearing him.

Soon memories of that night became vivid in his mind, memories he had buried deep down, and successfully so, for months. He felt his pulse getting faster, something he couldn't control, and heat rising in his body but blended with a cold shiver through his limbs. His hands slightly shaking and the heart...

Minutes later he knew the man had stopped and soon after others were fighting too_. I need to be sure. _Hidden behind the doors, Okita watched him resting comfortably against the wooden wall, still trying to catch his breath and staring into nothing in particular, only glancing occasionally towards the combat taking place in front of him. He looked younger and handsome, with his dark hakama it was like in that other dojo, years before, and Sougo almost wondered why the long hair were gone. But his chest was still racing and he left before those emotions could burst open in a destructive way.

Again sitting against his favorite tree, the nap long forgotten, he observed intensely the imperturbable blue sky. Perhaps infinity could offer answers if he paid enough attention, as he was trying, one more time, to make sense of what was on his mind.

**_o-o-o_**

_Toshiro_

"Hijikata-san."

He wasn't ready for this, not tonight, "What now?" Not after exhausting physically his body to erase his agitation. It had felt good, fighting and exercising, why had he come here to ruin everything?

"I'll go to Yoshiwara."

Damn sure he would. He just went through drastic measures to make it happen and had to disregard his pride in front of that fucking perm head in the process. "Good. Now you can tell Kondo-san."

Sitting on the floor behind his new desk he remembered that moment, the last time they were together here, in this room. Will the brat kill him for good this time? To maintain countenance he started writing again, but the other approached and slowly sat next to him. His shoulder was very close, too close, and he could hear his soft respiration. Hijikata wanted nothing else than him to disappear, because tonight he was spend and... vulnerable.

"But what do I do with the woman?"

"Are you kidding me?" It was more a statement than a question, he knew he was.

"Of course I am." _That brat is so-_

Sougo grabbed his hand, forcing him to stop, "I'll go to Yoshiwara, but before I want to know shudō…with you."

Hijikata froze. The silence in the room and the semi-darkness was almost unbearable and he wondered why his quarters were situated so far away from the others. But then, cursing his own stupidity, he answered firmly or at least the most assured he could manage, "No you don't, what you want is to mess up ten years of hard work-" he finally turned to face him, "-Kondo's hard work."

Sougo stared, eyes challenging, "You always try to twist things up so it fits your vision, Hijikata-san, but that doesn't mean it's true."

"You're right. But _I_ make the rules, not you."

The conceited smile appeared, "How about a new one: you cannot engage in a sexual relation with your subordinate or you will have to commit seppuku."

"That's good-" He sneered and the red eyes narrowed, "-keep going."

"How disappointed would Kondo-san be?"

Hijikata started to laugh because it was unreal, the brat was unabashedly being stupid just for the heck of it, to get under his skin. "Well, that took you long enough-" He dropped his pen on the desk but didn't even bother to disentangle his hand, "-Now what? Go…just tell him."

Sougo didn't move either or say anything, he just stared, his grip still firm and Hijikata couldn't look anywhere but the crimson eyes and the pale skin, "Why you didn't tell him right away anyway?"

The brat was his usual self, "I enjoy more torturing on the long term-" But those eyes were shining, a mix of contradiction and consistency, "-and I wanted to do it again…and again…and-"

And then Hijikata kissed him. Simply. He didn't care anymore. And it felt wrong and right equally, warm and hesitant, messed-up.

But suddenly Sougo shoved him aside. And for a split second he thought that maybe he was actually going to kill him, because you never knew from one moment to the next what kind of mood he'll be in. He had also felt empty the instant the other broke the embrace and that strange thought should panic him, but nothing happened and Sougo only stood to lock the doors and came back quickly to sit in front of him.

Now facing each other, he took a long time to observe the young man and slowly approached the tip of his fingers to his features, drawing the delicate lines. The skin was as soft as he remembered, the face aging but still harboring that youthful innocence, the one you could lost yourself into if you didn't know the sick mind behind it. And even then... it couldn't be help.

_This is fucked up._

"Does it really hurt?"

He didn't understand immediately and his brow furrowed slightly. Then, thinking of what they were about to do he smirked, "In your case…your ego mostly."

But Sougo's face was serious, "Hijikata-san. Does it really hurt that bad?"

And he realized he hadn't misunderstood the first time. That they were thinking of the same thing and that they would probably cut each other rather than talk about her openly. Not wanting these kind of thought invading his mind he kissed him again, thoroughly. His hands soon everywhere and Sougo's body tensed against his touch and when the young man wrapped his arms tightly around him he forgot everything else.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Sadist_

_"Danna I just discovered how much the bastard loved Aneue. And it's fucked up."_

Why he had kept kissing him he would never know. Or perhaps yes, he did. Maybe because shudō was what he wanted? Or just sex. Yes, he wanted to have sex again… with a man.

Or maybe because the demon's blue eyes were more melancholic than usual but also strangely full of life? Maybe because he realized the demon didn't know and that he was as lost as himself?

_"Go look at yourself in a mirror, and then tell me what is so surprising about it."_

The demon had made love with him because he looks like her.


	5. A Tale Of Shudō

**__****-Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki**

* * *

**Chapter 5: A Tale Of Shudō**

* * *

_Taichou_

"I'm still going to Yoshiwara."

Tightening his obi, he was sitting on the tatami not far from the other man, not looking at him either and he didn't intend to. Maybe Hijikata _was _looking at him or maybe not, but none of this mattered, this time he wouldn't glance back because it wasn't necessary. It was different, changed.

_Everything is changed._

"I read something about shudō and samurais-" he started hesitantly, but his voice never betrayed him in the past and he was certain it wouldn't tonight, especially not before this person, "-bushidō doesn't allow this kind of… relation, between grown men." Sougo waited for that man to talk and it was at this moment that he noticed for the first time the peculiar scent that filled the room, it was damp and acrid but oddly enthralling too. Could it be? Wanting more, why would he?

"I know."

The voice was icy or maybe not, Sougo honestly couldn't tell and he wanted to get out. There was nothing else to say. Before closing the doors behind him, still without looking, he thought of something smart to say but didn't.

_Tomorrow. Tomorrow is normal again._

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Fukuchou_

"YAMAZAKI!"

The useless spy practically choked on his rice when the his voice yelled in the common room. Hijikata was in a bad mood, his jacket lying neglectfully on his shoulders, dark rings under his eyes and his slumping body in need of a good rest. He came back from night patrol and was catching up during breakfast and now his eyes were staring down that…that… thing. The guy was nuts, officially. Sougo eyed the papers and sniggered and of course the Gorilla couldn't say anything even remotely relevant.

And _he_ had to deal with that shit… again.

"Toshi, calm down." The idiot was smirking, all lovey-dovey from his last stalking trip and their reconciliation. Well, Hijikata was glad about it too but that wasn't the point.

"Hijikata-san, need some mayo with it?" The brat started pouring the condiment on the rapport, "-crap poesy calls crap food."

"STOP THAT YOU FREAK!" He snatched his bottle from the sadist hands before the other could empty it, he hadn't eaten yet, and glared back at the spy while mustering his remaining, although sparse, countenance.

"Explain!"

Normal again. The yelling Hijikata, the annoying smart-ass sociopath, the mushy Commander and the stupid badminton-anpan obsessive. The morning after, Hijikata had given up trying to understand their relationship and their no-relationship altogether. He had thought a lot about the past, starting with Itou's death, something that still lingered back in his mind surprisingly on daily basis. Then about their first meeting at the dojo, the first duel, the hating red eyes and the smiling sister. He was trying to make sense of it all or at least have some grasp on details that could explain how they had ended up that way. All in vain. Sougo was back being his former self and he had to admit it was also easier for him to do so. Maybe they needed to screw each other, literally, to get it off of their mind, to get each other out of their system. _It_ being that intangible… something.

That night would be hard to forget, he knew , but he discovered there was nothing to forget. It was beyond shame, remorse and madness. It was _it_, simply. And he didn't flinch when they their eyes met the morning after, neither did Sougo. If anything, they were more in sync, naturally anticipating the other's gesture, reaction, word. It felt almost comfortable even if it wasn't.

Almost comfortable because Hijikata still craved that skin and couldn't touch it.

"Fu…Fukuchou…I… how to say…-" The guy looked miserable and a brief amount of pity passed through him but when his eyes landed again on the mayo-essay, that fleeting moment evaporated quickly. "Maybe…maybe I should rewrite it?" The other offered sheepishly.

"No need Zaki, Fukuchou enjoys your prose. You shouldn't disappoint him with mean threats." The brat's voice was still irritating as hell.

"SHUT UP!" Hijikata was still glaring the robot-pervert, "You sure are going to do that… ASAP… now leave before I behead you without a proper seppuku."

"Come, come Toshi! Don't be so hasty-" Gorilla then _finally_ glanced at the papers only to stare back seconds later at his subordinate "-maybe you should!"

"But Kyokuchou, my breakf-" Yamazaki trailed off when Hijikata reached for his collar and suddenly the spy ran for his life, or just ran out the room. Who knew.

Sougo was observing him again, mastering his perfect deadpanned face, "Mayonnaise _really_ is melting your brain."

"DIE!"

"That's my line, Hijikata-san."

And Kondo-san beamed next to him.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Sougo_

Comparing wasn't something he was used to, or more precisely something that usually got his attention. Swords could be compared, favorite dishes or Kondo-san's bruises when returning from the she-gorilla's dojo.

And sex... with _him_.

Staring at the ceiling Sougo was surprised remembering that stupid detail above the rest, exactly that, watching a ceiling and how he didn't do that the second time. Normally this early in the morning he still would be sleeping, but that of course was impossible now. Because for a week, that's what he'd been doing each time... comparing.

Not only that, his hormones didn't allow him to simply remember and his body needed... relief. But they couldn't do this anymore, shouldn't.

_That's the most stupid idea I ever had_.

His eyelids closed, today was the first night that came in a wave of memories, intact. He slid his hand under the sheet and his yukata, not needing much, really. He could also do it quickly, be done for good and go back to sleep, without the flashes and sensations assailing his mind.

But they couldn't do this anymore, that's why Okita woke up early each morning and prolonged the memories that man, his touch, scent, weight, sweat... everything, as longer as he wished.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_First night: Toshiro_

"You look like shit. How did you crawl in here anyway?"

"Sheer sadist willpower…you're my favorite victim, Hijikata-san."

"Tch!" Hijikata lays down on his back, exhausted, and closes his eyes. "Do what you want but shut up." _I'm tired._

Sleep, he wants to sleep, but his body is too restless for it. He hears his pulse and low movements. He sees his blade and the stains. _Shit, shit, shit_. Something touches his arm, he feels a warm presence.

_Idiot, he can't even go back to his room_.

Instinctively he slips aside to make room for the intruder, having neither the strength nor the will to throw him out. He falls into a nervous drowsiness when suddenly he is aware of a sensation against his skin. Fingers touches slowly his hand, his arm, his shoulder. The feeling is electric and sweet, he shivers. The fingers continue hesitantly, they seek, slide up and down on his chest. Not knowing why, his own hand joins him and caress the same way. They remain like this some time, enough so that their hands eventually entwine. Hijikata then opens his eyes and sees him, leaning slightly on his face, looking uncertain.

He imagines himself in a dream until the hand escapes, burning, and slips and touches again. But it stops too and Sougo looks intensely, waiting for him to say something, anything. Apparently the boy wants to experiment and has found his guinea pig. But the hand remains firmly on his chest, motionless. Sougo approaches, his red eyes almost black, the wound on his cheek still glowing, Hijikata also notices other bandages under the yukata slightly undone.

_Stop_.

The intense face comes closer and he feels the other's breath on his cheek. _Stop now_. The red-black eyes close and he does the same. The lips touch his. The kiss is chaste, clumsy but his own lips burn. He senses the young man gain confidence after the first contact and the feeling becomes softer and moist. _Now...before.._. He parts his lips and then his desire grows.

It's sensual, wet, exciting, and too much already. The test must stop now or... or... but the boy continues and they touch more and more frantically, uninhibited. The yukatas are completely undone now, theirs hands caressing nearby dangerous areas but Sougo doesn't go too far.

_He's never gone this far_.

This thought is like a leitmotiv in his head but the the other persists and doesn't let go his grip and Hijikata knows it's already too late to turn back. _How can I be so weak?_ Sougo eventually stops and he feels relieved and frustrated at the same time. The young man has an indecipherable look tinged with vulnerability, a rare and confusing sight, he pushes Hijikata slightly and turns on his belly, offering himself silently with a stupid boldness. _No, not like this_. And Hijikata doesn't think and kisses him on the neck, the shoulder, he needs to take some control and turns him back to face him.

He kisses him again and doesn't stop and goes down without stopping, tasting every part of a body he doesn't know, brushing the wounds and hearing the young man hissing and breathing.

**_o-o-o_**

_First night: Sougo_

_It burns._

Hands, mouth, tongue. Strong and soft and wet. His body trembles, it's impossible not to react to every vibration... hearing his own moans and his heart beats so fast he must press a fist against it. His other hand is touching the rough tatami, distractions to not let go too soon, he may not know what or how to do it, but this is a certainty. His eyes slid open and stare at the ceiling, the feeling of the slight tickle on his thigh makes him want to touch the smooth black hair. But he doesn't. Pleasure is more and more consuming and overwhelming.

He didn't know watching another man give himself pleasure, and help him at that, could be so intense. His head resting on the warm chest he first observes with eager curiosity, that's when excitement takes over and he joins in. It's erotic, and for the first in his life Sougo understands what the word means. After his own orgasm he had rushed awkwardly to do the same without looking at the other man. He wanted to fill the void, afraid of silence and talking equally. But the demon had taken his hands, "Don't." That was all, the only words spoken and the rest just happened.

And now he sits, dressing, Hijikata hasn't moved and they haven't even glanced at each other. Suddenly he panics and quickly scans the room, anxiety invades him and he feels more naked that he has been all evening.

His katana.

But the weapon appears on his left and Sougo takes it firmly in his grip, relieved. But the sword doesn't move. _Look at him_. He remains motionless, staring at the door. _Turn around and look at him_.

He knows that the firm hand will retain his sword until they fight. Then he looks over his shoulder and his feverish eyes bore into an impenetrable blue, the regard is powerful but Hijikata's face is relaxed and serene. The grip loosens and he feels his katana back to him. He turns, gets up and walks away despite the fatigue, the pain revived in his right side and the limping legs.

_I __won't fall_. He crosses the hall with his hand on the wall and his weapon to hold him. _I won't collapse_. He finally enters his room and closes the door, his last strength leaving him and he falls heavily on his futon, his hand still clutching his precious blade.


	6. Yoshiwara

**__****-Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Yoshiwara**

* * *

_Gintoki_

"Since when?"

"A month or more, I get less and less information on his movements and even less about what he's trying to do. The bakufu dogs were close this time, but these stupid idiots began to fight among themselves." The other grinned proudly, "The Shogunate is a disaster!"

"Aah! Because the Joui morons don't do the same?"

"Tssh!" Was the only answer from the long-haired monk.

_Takasugi...in Yoshiwara_. Gintoki leaned over the railing of the bridge and watched the river, he heard his two acolytes trying to calm the bystanders from the monstrous dog that had apparently frightened everyone in his attempt to feed at their expense. The monk was sitting next to him and for a moment he felt a slight concern invading him. As in the past he instinctively needed to be sure, even if it involved the idiot terrorist.

"Oi Zura, you're losing your touch... sent your penguin do the dirty work again?"

"Zura ja nai, Katsura da! " came the irritated reply but, unlike usual, he understood the meaning of the question "Elizabeth is in charge of headquarters, I stay covered. Ikumatsu generously offered me a hideout."

_His brain works only to piss me off._

He snorted, watching three little boys playing on the left bank. "You mean you hideouts in her bed... dirty, dirty monk!"

"GINTOKI! Ikumatsu is a wonderful and respectable woman, how can you say these things! In no way shall such thoughts invade my mind every time we spend together nor that her generosity makes me BEEP and BEEP!"

_Baka_. He smiled to himself picking his nose, "Whatever you say Zura-" and walked towards the catastrophic trio "-see ya!"

"ZURA JA NAI! KATSURA DA!"

_**o-o-o**_

"Oi Gorilla, we're going tonight."

Leaning comfortably against the table he addressed loudly to the ceiling of the Shimura house. Otae and Shinpachi were cleaning the dojo and Kagura napping next to him, her gargantuan belly huger than any Sadaharu's poops he ever saw. After a while he heard a muffled and panicked voice.

"What...so soon? But what about the plan?"

Gintoki nonchalantly flipped a page of his jump, "Forget the plan, time for action."

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Sadist_

"And what are _you_ doing here?"

His head turned to the right, China girl, dressed in her man-host attire, was eating _(Scratch that! devou - You can't! Sou-kun... - Who are you? - Tama_Anpan - And? - I'm the one writing this thing! - ...Like I said, and? - You are such a p- Beeeeeeep **KABOOM!**)... _was devouring... as usual, and Gorilla was paying... as usual.

"Neh…someone has to guard Shinpachi, Gin-chan'll get drunk and who knows what-aru."

"But that's the plan right…Megane…cherry…popped?"

She glanced at him, confused and still throwing food in her mouth, but he decided not to press on the subject and when he sneaked another glimpse at the insipid character he knew that nothing was going to happen... in that regard. Somehow, somewhere, Four-eyes hit the jackpot and was engrossed, pink-cheeked, in a Otsu fan discussion with his supposed 'hostess' and real otaku-prostitute. The girl seemed obviously thankful having a night off as Megane hadn't even tried to make a move yet and, Sougo was certain, didn't intend to do anything other than items trade.

Thinking this through he leaned to the monster next to him, "Oi, d'you think if Megane and her exchange autograph it'll like them exchanging saliva in his mind?"

But before she could reply Gorilla and Danna crashed at his sides, literally encircling and preventing him of any attempt to escape. Kondo-san was wearing his serious mentor-like mask and spoke, "Sougo, we have selected a few-"

"Very few." The perm head seemed to find the remark necessary although he didn't give a fuck, obviously.

"-sensitive ladies-"

"Insane."

"-pretty but not shallow-"

"Masochists."

"-delicate and ready."

"Paid triple." The silver-haired man was starting to help himself with the many dishes but the freak was already hitting him.

"Sougo-" Gorilla called for his attention and… started to cry, "-I'll be so proud of you…but…but it's hard to see…one's child growing up." Flood gates... on his favorite haori.

"Oi Gorilla, command some other food-aru"

He was drying the tears on his shoulder with a napkin, "Gorilla, I'm not your child." But the Shinsengumi Commander, visibly affected, drank directly from the Dom Peri bottle.

"Oi Gorilla, manners!" The other was picking his nose. And he asked, pointing at the disgustingly smiling Megane, busy checking the pretty prostitute's collection and not her boobs, "Danna, what about the true virgin over here?"

A sigh, "Lost cause…or maybe true love, eh! What do I know?"

"Gin-chan, what does it mean 'virgin'-aru?" She was looking at them with her innocent blue eyes and her mentor snatched the bottle from the Gorilla hands and drank too... without answering.

The same Gorilla eyed him questioningly, "What do you mean 'true virgin' ?" And he couldn't repress his shock, "Kondo-san, are you catching up finally?"

_**o-o-o**_

_True virgin_

"GIN-SAN!"

_Disaster in full mode..._

"KAGURA-CHAN!"

_If we ever survive this, we'll never ever be able to come back here..._

"KONDO-SAN!"

_Correction, we'll never ever be able to survive anyway..._

"OI! BAKAISER PRINCE SADIST!"

Shinpachi finally snapped.

His sweet and pretty new friend had been chased away by the ruckus, taking back all her precious and rare Otsu items and he was distressed. He tried to remember how events went downhill, because contrary to his, very very low expectations, the evening had started perfectly. After another crash somewhere in the room he didn't want to look at, he cursed for the umpteen time the absence of the demon Vice-Commander, someone he actually never thought he would miss so badly.

He thought a minute or two and listed chronologically the party:

-The stalker pervert piece of trash bastard and the neet piece of silver trash bastard had started fighting over an empty bottle and the meaning of 'true virgin' while getting drunk. Then somehow Gorilla ended up naked… and lying on the floor unconscious, Gin-san was holding the bottle in victory...

-The bottomless mini piece of orange trash had changed and dressed like a tayu thank to her new friends AND did her makeup herself AND she started a new dance…a tayu dance AND Kagura-chan obviously didn't know the meaning of it...

-The sadist pervert piece of obnoxious shitty trash bastard had leashed _all_ his 'selected few' and was in the process of using his rope and whip when a _certain_ 'M' ninja nutcase, obviously stalking his employer, decided to share her perverted knowledge, _literally _showing him how and where spanking was the most effective...

-Sacchan, after her fructuous contribution with the bishounen, that could thankfully only be heard from the _other_ room, had harassed Gin-san and ended up lying face down next to Gorilla, knocked out!

**BAM!**

Shinpachi was processing all of this when suddenly the door crashed open, with a very angry Tsukuyo standing behind the now void, her glare on the silver-haired sugar addict.

"Any last wish, sucka?!"

_**o-o-o**_

_Silver Soul_

His head still ached, from alcohol or the hitting he had no idea, and he welcomed gratefully the fresh air was in his lungs. The street were also less crowded than earlier, a nice addition as he walked casually. He had sent Shinpachi and Kagura home after the kunai freak crashed their party and flew himself at the first chance.

_Women are so... _

He also left the two tax robbers dealing with the aftermath, enjoying the fact that the Gorilla hangover would be massive and not only because of the drinking. Smiling to himself he heard steps approaching and soon the kid was walking next to him.

"That's nasty what you did there, Danna."

"He asked for it. Oi, you let him alone?"

"Kyokuchou has experience with violent women, he doesn't need me."

"Tssh, traitor."

"I'm wounded."

They remained silent a while but Gintoki finally asked what he wanted to know from the start, "Mayora's missed a great show tonight, you finally killed him?"

He said nothing, at first, then eventually complied a reply. And it was almost reluctantly, although Gintoki wasn't sure, because that sick kid was as skilled as himself regarding dissimulation. "He's trying desperately to hang on his job I suppose-" He shrugged "-gotta keep the illusion of being useful."

"Aah! Well, you can tell that useless addict that he should keep it confidential-" He paused and the Shinsengumi was staring at him, taken by surprise. "-the lesser people know the better."

Then he walked again, leaving Okita behind.

"Oh, and Gorilla should know the details too, he's not that clueless. Mah! Bakufu dogs are hopeless these days!"

_**o-o-o**_

_Sougo_

"I should have known you'd do this."

Hijikata turned at the sound of his voice, "What, you're surprised?"

Okita's gaze stayed on him while approaching, "No." This part of Yoshiwara bathed in darkness and so was the alley near the inn whose name was familiar to him, "Contrary to what you may believe, I read Yamazaki's reports. I'm no coward like you. "

"Tch, you mean that you hit him until he talks?" He thought for half a second, "That too."

The agitation of the main streets was a distant echo and nothing seemed to perturb the Vice-Commander's glare, focused steadily on the entrance of the inn. Impatience was written all over his face, apparently fishing was not good.

He gave up after few minutes, "Let's go, that's three hours that I'm here. Yamazaki will take over soon." Then Hijikata walked in the opposite direction after casting a last glance at the building, "That terrorist bastard doesn't show up."

"Why don't we try to break in forcibly for a change? Shinsengumi should drop subtlety."

His tone was mocking and he could perceive a light smile forming on Hijikata's lips. After an evening of madness with Danna and the others, it was strange being in the presence of a person as austere as him. But he couldn't help thinking that under the guise of austerity and severity laid a volcano ready to explode... at any moment. Hijikata was a man of extremes.

Sougo was also relieved to know that the 'mission' here was in fact a new way for them to go spying the underground city without encroaching on its immunity. As they walked silently side by side he couldn't restrain his curiosity, "Does it mean my devirginization is a cover?"

Hijikata still didn't look at him and continued his calm walk down the aisle, cigarette between his lips and arms in his dark yukata. "No, it means killing two birds with one stone."

_Bastard_.

"Of course-" Okita replied without enthusiasm, "-but it's not like I need one, right?"

The other didn't respond. It was the first time since that night that one of them was tackling the subject and they were in a dark alley. Alone. He peeked at the tall samurai, his dignified composure tainted by a slight embarrassment. And it happened quickly... he brushed Hijikata's forehand and the other stopped, shooting a tense glare, his icy voice cautious.

"What d'you think you're doing?"

He had to refrain from the urge of punching him, it was always like this with the demon these days. Raw emotions.

"What d'you think I'm doing?"

The stern, grey-blue eyes were piercing him, "We settled this, weeks ago."

"That's how they called it these days?"

"Don't be fucking smart with me...how long are you going to play that game, it's getting old." He narrowed his eyes and sensed an invisible wall between them, "That's because you don't know the rules, Hijikata-san. It's simple: you suffer, I enjoy."

"You sick b-" Hijikata stopped and he felt the presence too.

"What are you two doing here?" They both startled at the female voice and he soon spotted the direction of the woman. She was tall and he could see, even in the semi-darkness, that her lower face was covered, two kunais were hidden in her long sleeve. _Hyakka_. "There're enough rooms in Yoshiwara for sweet lovers like you-", her tone was menacing, "-move. Now."

Hijikata answered quickly and walked again, "We're done."

He followed him and while they crossed her path he noticed her wary glare and the hidden fighting stance. Reaching the main street he came to a halt and looked back at the alley, "They sure are cranky."

"I wonder how much they know-" Hijikata had stopped too, "-but it's not like I can question them anyway." Sougo tilted his head in his direction, "Maybe we should ask Dan-"

"NO! And don't think of bringing that idea again!" Hijikata's short temper was already getting the best of him and then a flicker of understanding flashed in the eyes, "That's why you came here, isn't?" He grabbed his collar, now plainly furious, "How much did you spill your bean?"

"I said nothing. He already knows." The other loosened his grip, throwing away his consumed smoke. "When are you going to talk to Kondo-san? Stop protecting him uselessly like that."

Hijikata was watching the half-moon and sighed, "I guess now is the time, right?"

"Fine, then I'll go find him. He must have sobered by now." And he walked away in the opposite direction. "WHAT, YOU LET HIM BY HIMSELF? DRUNK...IN YOSHIWARA! OI...OTIKAAAA!"

But he was already gone, smiling widely.

**_o-o-o_**

_Toshiro_

And now he was watching his back.

_Damn him_.

Trying not to think about their whole encounter and how it could have ended, he resumed his slow walk, racking his mind as to how the Commander would react when he'd exposed his plan. He bumped into few people, mostly drunken men and some geishas and prostitutes. He hadn't been in Yoshiwara since she… no even before, since... Walking near the pleasure houses he could feel eyes on him, women's eyes, but didn't bother to look back. Since… He couldn't remember the last time he saw a woman's body.

And suddenly he stopped.

They hadn't completely undress and were lying next to each other. After a minute or two he sat, disposed of the condom, tied his obi and searched his sleeves for a smoke. She went to bring alcohol and when she entered the room again he almost didn't hear her. Sitting silently she poured his cup, he rubbed his eyes with one hand, already wanting to go back to the inn and ask Yamazaki if anything happened. Maybe he could even try to act as a customer and stay there the rest of night.

_I should have done that instead of standing outside like a useless moron_. And that's how he felt at the moment, useless. It was like Takasugi was untouchable, he could almost reach him but then the bastard just disappeared... like Katsura, _always too late…_

"You look preoccupied?" Her soft voice startled him and he raised his chin, realizing he wasn't alone. "There're many men like you here… looking absent." She was smiling, "Work?"

He sighed heavily, his smoke on his lips, "Always."

She didn't say anything else and he was thankful for the small favor. He drank and as soon as the cup made contact with the tatami she refilled it, but instead of drinking again he shot her a brief look, "Where's yours?" She was surprised, then grabbed the other cup left on the tray. He served her and while doing so was vaguely conscious she was observing him. That happened often, he wouldn't denied it, women looking at him... waiting something he couldn't give.

And they stay like this for the rest of the hour, drinking quietly together, his mind wandering again to the elusive terrorist.

The calm and comfortable silence was broken when a small knock signaled the end of the time. He stood up and fumbled for his wallet but a small hand brushed his and squeezed it lightly, "Customers pay at the entrance." He nodded absent-mindedly, sliding the door, and then saw a little girl sitting next to it, waiting. He felt a twinge of shame in his stomach.

"Samurai-sama-" He turned quickly to the woman, she was still smiling, "-I'm grateful having you for patron during this hour, please come back whenever you want."

He didn't know what to say, she was regurgitating her obligatory speech but he couldn't help noticing her genuine eyes. He stared at her a while and then, without a word, kissed her lightly. She blushed and the little girl widened her eyes, he smiled and walked away.

Outside, the fresh air cleared his mind and he decided to head home... maybe Kondo was still awake. And trusting Yamazaki for the night, his feet carried him through the streets of Edo.

It was agreeable, for once, not rushing or thinking to much. Women really had this unmatched quality to appease him. But then he remembered that he hadn't actually seen her body and hadn't even missed seeing it. That it didn't matter... woman or man. He froze, aware that the sad part of this was that it always came back to _him_ and Hijikata still couldn't understand why his life became so complicated.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Man of the _ _Shadow_

"He's here."

His gaze fell distractedly on the man standing near the doorway, "Bring him in." The kiseru consumed already, but he still clutched it firmly in his grip. Leaning against the window, like this it was worth enjoying the simple fresh night air.

"I thought we would meet in Yoshiwara?" The man walked in slowly, busy with a cell phone.

He hated those modern toys, Amanto's technologies should only be useful for weapons, "I changed my mind."

Sasaki Isaburo finally raised his head and looked at him straight in the eyes.

"Wise."


	7. Lost Boys, Pretty Girl

**_-Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki_**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Lost Boys, Pretty Girl**

* * *

_Okita_

He knows he's sitting against the wall, his brain can process that much. Legs lying awkwardly because of the unbearable pain, his right fist pressed against his wounded thigh. He watches the red puddle around him and thinks that maybe this is it.

A shadow appears before him but he doesn't have the strength to raise his head.

"They're coming."

Maybe he nods to the voice, an acknowledgement of not being alone anymore, the shadow lowers slowly and someone sits next to him. He can't guess how badly the other is injured until he hears him struggling to light his smoke.

"Shame…"

That's all he can say, he wants to joke about cancer and how it would be a shame if the other dies honorably. Stupid cancer is more fitting for a stupid bastard.

He feels a hand on his fist, grabbing it but he won't let go, he still has blood inside him, why wasting it now? He likes living. But the hand is strong and pushes his away, only to press harder on the opened wound and maybe, maybe avoiding blood from spilling more. You never know with a demon.

He feels numb and cold.

"Oi!" Someone slaps him.

"Don't die on me now." Another slap. And again and again. "Like hell that'll happen…fucking twisted brat."

And the hand hits harder and harder but he can't feel anything anymore.

**_o-o-o_**

_Shiroyasha_

For once that place isn't on fire.

_As I give a shit_. He stares at her for ages but doesn't know for how long, she is sleeping on Shinpachi's lap and the boy stares at him too.

"Gin-san?"

He wonders if his heart is functioning again, remembering how it stopped... not so long ago. _No, ripped apart. _She has pissed him off monumentally this time. Yatos can't die, right…right? Speaking of which, where's that baka alien hunter when you need him, Gin-san was no Baldi or daddy, right…right? Her small hand is moving.

He can tell her eyes are moving too under her eyelids. _She's dreaming._

"Gin-san it's alright now…they're here."

He finally looks up, Shinpachi is pale but smiling. _Family_.

He lets his regard wander around him, people are gathering on the ground, Tsukuyo is barking orders and he looks until she looks back with her intense eyes. _Something like that too_. He hears the loud ladder landing on the roof and sees them, slumped, red bodies against a wall. Hijikata is slapping Okita's face and he laughs, turning to the bewildered boy.

"Who would have thought…Mayora is the S !"

_****__-O-O-O-O-_

_Fukuchou_

"See that. That's your doing-" Sougo points the bruises on his cheeks, "-you ruined my pretty face."

"I ruined nothing interesting."

"Why are you still alive?"

"Why don't you shut up?"

"Enough you two!" Kondo is sitting next to the bed, eyes closed and arms crossed on his chest, casting his aura of Commander of the Shinsengumi. Hijikata and him both wear their uniforms, contrasting with the white room, white yukata and the white face of the young captain.

_White, like the dead._

Hijikata shivers at the thought, craving to smoke. He paces nervously in the room casting his eyes on the city, they are on the 15th floor, a beautiful view. He puts his arm on the window, tired of not sleeping for days, his mood swings getting on everybody nerves, even Kondo. The other two resume their talk but he doesn't pay attention, he finally wants to sleep and lets his forehead lay on his arm, sensing the cool window on the tip of his nose, eyes closing. He rests.

"Toshi?"

He wakes up with a start, the Commander's hand on his shoulder "We have to go Toshi."

Rubbing his eyes he nods, Kondo smiles sadly at him and leaves the room. He glances at the bed, Sougo is lying on his side, the other side, and he can only see his back and light hair. They are alone. That's what he wanted, right? Be alone with him one last time. But he only walks away and heads straight to the elevator.

_Calm down_. He needs to smoke.

"Aah, Toshi! Wait!" But he is already gone.

_****__-O-O-O-O-_

_Sadist_

"That's cheating."

"Coward."

"Freak."

"Lazy asshole."

"Disgusting trash."

"Dog shit."

"Sadaharu shit."

"Baka", she sighs, opens her umbrella and probably looks up to the sunny sky, "It's too hot anyway".

"Who's the coward now?" He can't see her, wearing his sleeping mask, but she sits next him and eats her awful green dog food. Since when that bench has become _their_ bench?

"Why you're on patrol then?" He sighs, obviously she is in the mood for some talking, "Because I'm bored."

"But you're doing nothing except scaring children with that thing-aru" The thing being his genius idea of terror even when sleeping, "Shinsengumi barracks are even more boring than here."

They fall into silence, she is chewing the green thing. Finally, a hesitant voice asks "So…when you're gonna be fit again?"

He pushes the mask on his forehead, she is looking her usual self: orange hair and pale skin, her deep blue eyes wide opened…pretty. No trace of that monstrous thing he saw few days ago. "Miss me that much?"

She glares at him but then turns to look at something on her shoes, "Like hell." She is waiting something, obviously. Something his sadistic part could tease until the end of times. He lowers his mask and sinks more comfortably in his napping position, "Next time you show your ugly piggy face, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll crawl back to your virgin Megane and your lolicon daddy, crying."

She is standing up, he can tell, and for a while wonders how much more damaged his body will be tonight. But nothing happens and her voice is oddly cheerful.

"Bakufu dog."

She leaves. He is napping. Everything is normal again.

**_o-o-o_**

_Megane_

Gin-san is asleep again and for once he doesn't feel the urge to yell at him or to wish Sadaharu were here to bit him. _Curious…or not really_. Sitting behind the desk, the accounting book doesn't make him dizzy like usual, well maybe that line does "Rent: 4 months late". He wants to close that thing but doesn't, he is the straight character, the serious, reliable samurai trainee, the dojo heir.

But maybe he doesn't close that book because thinking of Kagura sad eyes and of Gin-san sad eyes when his looking into Kagura sad eyes is not something he wants to do right now. And he certainly doesn't want to clean the bathroom in fear that he could see the reflection of his own sad eyes. And he also, still, doesn't know how to fake a smile and hide his sad eyes and go to the Shinsengumi headquarters and tell them that everything is normal and oh… how to thank them too.

That's when Kagura suddenly bursts in slamming the doors, Sadaharu behind her jumping happily. She has a determined look and maybe less sad too. Gin-san has not woken up though, this is routine after all. She has bent next to the sugar addict and is poking his head.

"Gin-chan, Gin-chan…What does 'virgin' mean?"

No respond.

"Gin-chaan! What 'get laid' means-aru?"

And Shinpachi still doesn't want to know what kind of horrendous, inappropriate and dirty answer the perm head will find and he runs to the bathroom. _Cleaning_. Somehow he doesn't mind looking at himself in the mirror now, his megane are less sad after all… oh, and time to visit the tax robbers too.

When he comes back in the common room, he sort of feels dizzy because Kagara blue eyes are shinning and a little wet too. And Gin-san eyes are definitively not sad, although still dead fish like. And his eyes starts getting wet too when he hears the not horrendous, not inappropriate and not dirty answer.

"Virgins are pretty-" the lazy-bum-aniki-dad looks at her tenderly "-just like you...and you never, ever gonna get laid under my watch! Get that?"

___****__-O-O-O-O-_

_Sougo_

His limp is annoying. His men are annoying. His TV show is annoying. Gorilla is annoying. _Like I've never been injured before?_ And his memory is intact too, he remembers how stupidly tired and wounded he was the last time. In that red wagon with blood eyes.

The only person who isn't annoying is the stupid bastard. But just because they never talk.

One evening he's so tired of all the annoying morons that he goes to the only non-annoying person's room. Hijikata says nothing, he's cleaning his katana. Sougo lies down without a word on the tatami, using his jacket as a pillow, and closes his eyes. After a while someone calls behind the door and finally the cold, deep voice emits a sound, "What?"

"Fukuchou, your dinner."

"Come in." The door slides open and Sougo feels annoyed again, but he isn't the only one. "Are you standing here forever or what?"

"Aah…Taichou is here…"

"And?"

"B…but everybody is looking for him…Kyokuchou is-"

"Don't you see he's sleeping? Give me that and bring another one." No movements. "Now!"

They're alone again and the annoyance vanishes.

"Hijikata-san, your recruitment skills suck balls."

"Shut up and eat."

He sits and grabs the rice, Hijikata is reading and writing. Sougo _really_ doesn't feel annoyed and it's annoying. His neck and legs are aching again and he slides to rest his back on Hijikata's, "Don't mind?"

"As long as you don't move."

He eats slowly, peacefully and finally says what he wanted to say for days, the real reason he's here, "We need to talk".


	8. A Tale Of Shudō, part 2

_**-Gintama belongs to Sorachi sensei**_

* * *

**Chapter 8: ****A Tale Of Shudō**, part 2

* * *

_Toshiro_

The streets of Kabukicho were strangely calm today and normally he would have been glad about it. Running after thugs, drunks or Joui bastards was taking a toll after all, even if the was only twenty-five. And the morons on his side were also a thorn in his side, like that new recruit next to him who obviously hadn't experienced yet the Vice-Commander's wrath and consequently didn't shut up. Because _normally_ he would've shut him half way in the car... but today Hijikaka needed distraction. And if thugs weren't available, Shinsengumi morons would do.

Yesterday Kondo-san had listen to him silently, nodding at time, looking reproachfully at other and finally sent him away, wanting to think this through by himself. Takasugi was in Yoshiwara and Hijikata wanted to spy on him, to trick him outside the underground city and kill him or arrest him if necessary, in that order. Of course it was completely illegal. And of course he didn't care, not this time. He would take the entire responsibility and wanted the Commander out of it as much as possible. And he was set on that plan, Takasugi _had_ to disappear and quickly.

But that wasn't the only trouble he needed distraction from.

His visit at the brothel happened to be a monumental, ridiculous and stupid mistake. The result had the exact opposite of what he wanted, mainly to stop thinking about that fucking brat and that night. It had worked until two days ago, not easily but it was enough. Now Hijikata had something to compare with and well... he _really_ didn't want to go this road.

And Sougo was still there, at morning, on patrol, at lunch and evening. He was always fucking there, playing mind games like in Yoshiwara or acting as usual with his sneaky lethal attacks. And new to all this were the innuendos and how his smug face would enjoy _that_ even more, this morning greeting was a painful example. After another bazooka-katana attempted murder Sougo had looked at him blankly for an eternity, "That's training, Hijikata-san. Someone has to keep you fit or your body will look like shit."

Fortunately, at this exact moment, Hijikata saw a weird-looking guy, unshaved and suspiciously Joui-like, a new distraction. Unsheathing his sword he started to run and something in the new recruit's eyes made him happy, it was apprehension and fear, fear of the demonic Fukuchou.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Second night: Sougo_

"Hijikata-san. Does it really hurt that bad?"

He had more confidence and felt it in his gestures. His hands trembled less and the kiss had already turned into a frantic undressing, even if there wasn't much to cover to begin with. He certainly had more confidence but fear was there, no matter what. He wanted it, however, when he entered the room, when he locked the doors and the moment he practically threw himself in the other's arm, it was all what he wanted.

Would they do it directly on the tatami? Before reason and sanity could sink in? He guessed Hijikata acted by instinct, something he rarely did. In fact the only time he acted like that was during a fight. The first time was also instinctive but filled with drunkenness, they were drunk with blood and fatigue. An accident. This time Sougo came clearly to find something. And under the kisses and caresses of his Vice-Commander he realized that no woman had inspired so much desire, none would ever do and he didn't want it either. It mattered little to him whether Hijikata had an ambiguous sexuality, for him things became clear. And the mouth that tasted of tobacco and the calloused hands were what made his senses stir.

He felt a hand slip behind, rubbing and stroking slowly lower on his backside, he tilted his head slightly and gazed at his…his what?…lover? He saw the blue eyes also afflicted by desire, maybe they were both insane? He was scared but it gave him more determination. He didn't care about the pain, about his pride and to let once again the bastard take control. Desire was to strong. But was the bastard really in control? If memory served him right, he did not remember seeing him act as irresponsibly as now and earlier when a simple, stupid provocation pushed him to kiss him.

He felt something slide, sink in place and slowly caress. Under the blue yukata his arms pressed harder with each movement but his hands were relaxed, laid on Hijikata's moist and firm back, feeling the muscles contract under his touch. And that was as much exiting as the wet tongue just below his ear, the soft fingers trusting over and over again, and his erection at the edge of exploding. The feel of a warm and masculine body against his skin made him understand a lot about things that happen in the past, things he didn't know at that time.

He closed his eyes, new sensations were discovered when other fingers pushed and entered. Discomfort but no pain and he didn't give a damn anyway. Hijikata was kissing him again, wet tongues licking each other, then on the neck, the shoulder. Hijikata other hand slid under him and grabbed his thigh, then Sougo raised his hips and arched his back instinctively. It felt right, his respiration was louder and faster and the thrusts deeper and deeper. Then suddenly nothing, hand, mouth, pleasure, all gone. He opened his eyes, his breathing was shaky and his gaze fell on a flushed face and the steel blue eyes. They stared at each other and as seconds passed he felt lost. But that was gone too and he rolled on himself, brushing the demon body and this time Hijikata didn't force him to turn back.

Head resting on the tatami, he felt a heavy breath on his neck and then an absence and movements. Saliva. He did not stop it, Hijikata was many things but not careless and Sougo knew, after years of stalking, that his visits to brothels were long gone. He felt him enter, the sharp pain made him shivered and his body contracted. Hijikata stopped and waited for a moment, one of his hands resting calmly on his back, the other supporting him and he pushed Sougo's thigh up with his knee. Better but it still hurt and he still didn't care. The hand caressed his lower back and then began the back and forth. Sougo pressed his hands against the rough tatami and tried to calm the tension by breathing slowly. It was still sharp and strange but each time it went deeper and he started to gasp. The pace was slow and he definitively cared when the pain mingled with something else. His back relaxed thrust after thrust and soon he thought about nothing but the heat, his body getting warmer, the sweat between them, flesh against flesh and pleasure. His own and Hijikata's. Then he sensed a hand touch his chest and the weight of a body, Hijikata had embraced him, still pushing, and the intimacy of that gesture unsettled him. He was grateful the other couldn't see his face and tried to think about something else. He concentrated on the demon who was trying to control his respiration. C_ontrol freak,_ that thought invaded him and he wanted to laugh. But only moans came out and that seemed to send the other over the edge.

_**o-o-o**_

"If you're sleeping here at least cover yourself."

He had fallen asleep. Hijikata was staring at him, dressed, the futon had been prepared and he was sitting on it, smoking.

"I'm not." Sougo sat up, spotting his yukata and dressed too. He was surprised to find that the mess on his stomach had been cleaned, he glanced at the Vice-Commander and saw the man was actually drinking sake.

Tying his obi he eyed the bottle and said something stupid, "Hijikata-san, you actually surprised me tonight-" That quickly got his attention, "-thought your sake would be mayo-flavored".

Hijikata gave his best Hijikata stare and a "Tch, you're an idiot" then he looked away smoking and drinking some more. Sougo couldn't help noticing how his lips were slightly wet with the alcohol, how his eyelid almost closed each time he took a drag and how that cigarette lingered carelessly between his fingers. That wasn't anything new, he had known those details for years, but somehow these gestures meant something different now, he enjoyed watching them and actually watching the man himself. After all, that was why he was attracted to him in the first place, his features, his manliness, his body, his delicate skin and those damn blue eyes that were glancing at him. Absorbing the view Sougo didn't feel embarrass about being turned on by someone like Hijikata. He wanted sex with him and got it and now was observing with fascination the reason his hormones were going wild.

"Stop staring at me like that."

"Paranoid much."

"I have reasons, I know that look. You're planning something."

"Hijikata you suck at mind reading."

"And you're creepy. Stop."

But he didn't, instead he lowered his regard to that torso, the shadow of the yukata made his skin a multiple shade of color and it looked strangely mysterious. He wanted to touch it again. "I didn't even bring my sword."

"As if that would stop you."

Sougo looked at his face again, "I want sake too."

Hijikata was annoyed, a general scowl plastered on his face, "Help yourself".

Sougo crawled and sat on the futon, it felt comfortable, sleeping on the tatami made him sore, that and other things. When he would go back to his room, he knew he would reflect on what happened here, but shame... that was something Sougo was certain he would never felt. He looked at the bottle then at the man again, Hijikata wasn't paying attention, thinking... about something. Hijikata was always thinking. Sougo bent over and approach near the other's lips and lick them, slowly. That immediately stirred sensations in him and apparently the Hijikata too, given the bewildered look and husky voice.

"What was that for?"

"I want sake."

He kept searching sake again and Hijikata parted slightly his lips. He licked his chin then his neck. They still weren't touching and the smoke consumed itself slowly, untouched. The skin was salty, everywhere and sometimes rough and other times soft. The soft parts send shivers thought him or maybe it was Hijikata's hushed moans he could hear in his head. Very slowly he approached and his hand slipped under that mysterious area. The skin tensed but he still didn't want to rush, he sensed a hand slowly sliding in his hair and they kissed again. At some point, he was vaguely aware of having straddled him, that the Sake glass had fallen from the other's grip and the bottle pushed away. He felt his erection meet an another one and they instinctively got closer. When Hijikata's hand slipped between them and started to untie their obis, brushing his sensible member, Sougo forced his own hand to stay still and then slowly caress its way to Hijikata back, down an area he'd never touched.

And before he couldn't think properly anymore, Sougo was very aware that this night was perhaps one of the most important night in his life.

_**o-o-o**_

_Second night: Toshiro_

The sake Kondo-san had given him on his birthday scorched his throat slightly, it was a good sake and that's all he could think of. All he could think of because his eyes couldn't look elsewhere no matter how much he wanted to close them. He was transfixed.

Hijikata couldn't think because it never occurred to him before that watching Okita Sougo sleeping body would burn his retina and consume him in the inside. This was a new development in his life and not a welcome one.

But he still managed to think eventually, when survival instinct kicked in. That and his iron will.

"If you're sleeping here at least cover yourself."


	9. Yoshiwara, part 2

_**Gintama=Sorachi**_

* * *

**Chapter 9: Yoshiwara, part 2**

* * *

_Fukuchou_

"Why?" _Fucking moron, triple damn stupid Gorilla._

If he tried harder it would work, he knew it. But the silver head was still intact and also the smug smile on it. Maybe drilling a hole by sheer will wasn't that effective, but it was sort of a tranquilizer right now, from the obvious tension. Tension he created. _As if_, trying to rip that smirk off was all that counted.

"That's the plan Toshi, we went other this…an hour ago." Then _he_ talked, "Mayora is kinda ungrateful here if you ask me…How many times did we save your ass?"

"That's not the point. Why are you here?"

"Toshi!"

"Hijikata-san it's true, how many times did Danna save your ass?" He wanted to try that drilling thing on the brat sitting next to him but dismissed the idea. _Too distracting._ Instead he settled on glaring more harder than ever… and the other smiled wider than ever.

"We saved _your_ ass too-aru, you brat!" Will the brat be smart for once? "Show me your papers." _No_.

"Tax robber."

"Beggar."

"Bakufu dog."

"Ooh…" Sougo tilted his head, "-you're on your period again." She blinked once, a heavy silence filled the room and then "Gyaaaaaahhhh!" In a fraction of seconds they were both hitting, dodging, kicking, smacking with feet, hands, heads all over the table until Gorilla and the sugar freak separated them with a sharp smack behind their head.

"Anyway-" dismissing the usual routine fight, Four Eyes pursued as if nothing happened, "-Hinowa-san engaged us to investigate, right Gin-san?" The kid apparently thought that this information could interest him, so he shot him a glare too. "Toshi, enough! That's an order" as expected Kondo was trying to please is very _not_ future brother-in-law, "We'll work together and it's not as if we have a choice either. This is illegal but Matsus-"

"Kondo-san, I know all that already because _I_ told you that already. That's still beside the point!"

"And what's the real point Mayora?" The perm head voice was irritated and for only answer he glanced at the glasses kid and the Yato girl. "Ne, Mayora baka, I'm no fluffy fragile thing you know!"

"Hijikata-san, that's what you're worried about?"

"Of course not, his ego can't take it like a man, right Hijikata?" _Don't look at him.  
_

Gorilla cleared his throat "Like I said Matsudaira is willing to look the other way for a week, but we can't do it by our own, and as you-" he looked at the perm head slightly embarrassed and Hijikata didn't want to know why "-…you…know the city fairly well…" The idiot was picking his nose still looking at him, "That's a way to put it...Gin-san has many unknown powerful connexions."

"Gin-chan's Yoshiwara Boss."

Hijikata snorted. "Hum...Kagura-chan, that's more complicated than that."

"Oi Megane, what's wrong with that? I'm the Boss remember, the Sav-"

"SHUT UP!" Hijikata slammed his fist on the table, "Give us the useful stuff, not that shit we've listening for an hour!"

"He has a point Danna, we should move on and decide the strategy." Yamazaki was wearing a dress and a wig and Hijikata felt his blood pressure rising because he had avoided to acknowledge his existence until now. Neither Gorilla or the brat seemed bothered by a cross-dressing Shinsengumi sitting at an official meeting, the spy was on his left, Okita on his right, all facing the three Yorozuya while Kondo supervised at the end of the table.

"Mah, jealousy showing its ugly face again!"

"Mwahaha…jealous ugly baka!"

"GIN-SAN, KAGURA-CHAN! Let's proceed…sh...shall we?"

"Gori…uh…Kondo-san, who's gonna be our leader if you can't come with us?" The brat finally asked something useful and Kondo looked at him confidently, "Toshi has my entire trust!" Then, predictably, _someone_ cleared his throat, _someone_ he wanted to strangle and even more when that someone talked, "Mah...Sumimasen…haha…we'd like to object..." Hijikata stared and then scanned the room smugly, "Drop it, if we vote you'll lose".

"I don't want to vote for you Hijikataaa."

"Kondo-san?"

"That's an order Sougo."

"Ah…sorry Danna."

"Hum…sumimasen…see, seems that...ah..._some_ of you filthy tax robbers are spreading _certain _behaviors outside those walls...and, well we can't allow ourselves being under such stinking leadership-" the perm head closed his eyes and crossed his arms, "-Kagura-chan?" Somehow the China girl was now wearing sun glasses and a hat and strangely getting into the impersonation a…a…_yakuza?_

"Boss-" She slammed a thick pile of paper on the table and read, "Please submit your question – Men are brainless perverted shit, aru? – Sir, this is a rather complicated issue that could take hours and hours of analyse, could you be more specific please? – Yeah, yeah…want a cigar? – I don't smoke sir, but thank you, aru – Good…good girls shouldn't smoke, ever– Your question sir? – Yeah…why perv-bird shit keep flying around my Kuriko? – Is she pretty? – Of course, she has it from m-"

"SHEEDDUP!" Hijikata's forehead veins were popping frantically and he barely could contain himself anymore. Was he going insane? What was that? "YOU…YOU…WHAT'S THAT SHIT?"

"Oh...of course…_you _wouldn't know-" The perm head eyed him, amused, then glanced at the three other Shinsengumi "-but...patience Mayora-sama you'll be rewarded...Kagura-chan?"

"Yes, aru… - she has it from me – If she is pretty then it is pure biological logic – Ain't nothing logical about perverts, I will shot in the legs and then burn alive every single worthless shit who lays a hand on my daughter... want to see?- BAM -...HAAAAAA AAAARGHHH!... -Die you worthless shit! aru - But your daughter is not here - It's prevention, aru - It's murder - What's your name again? I like you – Tama, sir –"

"STOP!" Gorilla's panicked voice jumped in, "I...I vote Yorozuya!"

"WHAT!"

"Me too!" Yamazaki was livid.

Beepbeepbeeeeeeeeeeeep **KABOOM!**

Hijikata had only the time to anticipate an awkward dive and cover his ears. Sitting up he waited the fog to diminish and a giant hole appeared on the wall before him. Shinpachi had jumped near Yamazaki and in any case he wasn't the target, then a silver head and an orange one popped up looking over their shoulders only to shrug and face them again, looking bored. He turned finally to stare at the brat who was shooting death glares at the Yorozuya duo, hand on his katana and bazooka on his back.

"OI! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" No answer. _Unbelievable_. "OI! GORILLA!" But the Commander was frozen, his face red and tears slowly rolling on his cheeks.

"How much?" Okita's voice was critically scary but he perm head, unmoved, only picked his nose while the girl was smirking evilly, "Not for sale." Four-eyes, on the other hand, was sweating and trembling, "Gin...Gin-san...that…that's blackmail."

"Yep!" Hijikata then turned to Yamazaki and hit him in the stomach, "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"Plea…please…Fukuchou…I prefer seppuku…"

"YOU!" Hijikata grabbed the perm head's collar, "WHAT'S THAT...EXPLAIN...YOU USELESS SILVER TRASH!" Unfazed, the man dig his pinky in his ear, "Nothing to explain. Vote's closed, you lost."

"THAT AIN'T NO VOTE!", his voice was now dangerously getting lower, "Blackmail...uh? Now how many decade that'd cost you? I don't give a shit about the old geezer dirty trips in your dump!" But the perm head only sneered, "Matsudaira? Fufufu...I've got juicier stuff Fukuchou-kun!"

"STOP! YO...YOROZUYA IS THE BOSS!" Hijikata's grip loosened when he heard the Commander pleading.

"Oi Mayora, respect the Boss-aru!"

"Respect the Boss, Hijikata-kun!", the dead fish eyes bore into his then Hijikata punched him and aimed for his neck, strangulation seemed the solution. But hands and arms grabbed him and the treason was full on display when Gorilla, a firm grip blocking his wrist looked at him straight in the eyes, "Respect the Boss Toshi, that's an order."

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Gintoki_

Mayora was already pissed and he had just arrived. _Great_.

But this wasn't the usual pissy, something was on his mind and he really, really didn't want to deal with that.

Okita backed off after his stunt at the meeting, no wonder, but seeing those eyes go through that many emotions, from panic to anger to, although he still wasn't absolutely sure about that, admiration, was a sight to behold. Because even on the brink of having his dirtiest secret being discovered in the ugliest fashion, the sick kid still recognized the masterful craft of a fellow sadist. And, oh man, that was one of his finest. The stalker and Jimi were already known for their respective perversion but having the prince from planet sadist himself in his claw, _that _was useful. If Gintoki were someone else he would tell him that _he_ only had read the dirty thing, that Kagura and Shinpachi, or anyone else for that matter, had no real idea of what was going on and that Tama was asked to keep it for herself.

He should, but wouldn't. The kid had it coming for a looong time.

But a large part of him wished also living in that ignorance. Because Souichiro-kun was right about it... that was some fucked up stuff.

When he had done the math after the failed 'get Okita bang a woman' mission, the shock of it had been… surprising. He had always fancied himself a pretty open-minded guy but _this_… wasn't expected. At all. The kid's brain must have been defunct at the time and it was not hard to guess why, maybe a sadistic experience gone awry, and it was also a massive lack of judgment coming from that sharp mind to even consider confiding to someone like a walking computer. And he _still_ didn't want to know what kind of disease had permanently damaged the already dysfunctional Mayora.

But that first impression was quickly followed by his usual nonchalance, in fact after half an hour of thinking, that had pissed him to no end at how the tax robbers could even rob his brain for so many minutes, he concluded that he was hardly someone to pass any judgment and that there was actually nothing to judge to begin with. Case closed, whatever it was, was their business. But he still felt the annoying necessity, maybe due to the curse of the main character hero complex, to let the kid know. Because no matter how perceptive Tama was, a real man talk could be helpful in that case and Gorilla was hardly a choice.

And now the said kid was busy getting dressed up as a Hyakka by two former prostitutes while Shinpachi was being manhandled, very easily it had to say, by Kagura who insisted on doing his makeup. Jimi was almost ready looking very much like a Geiko, which was perturbing not in a good way.

"Gintoki…ya boobs're abnormally big." Tsukuyo breathed out her tobacco in his direction, looking unimpressed. "Gintoki ja nai, Paako da!"

"I don't wanna know what tha' mean."

"Me neither."

She glanced at Jimi and Mayora who were into one of their tax robber unsubtle meeting, "The crow ova here, what's up with him?"

"Hemorrhoids?" Smacking him on the head, she turned on her heel towards the screaming Shinpachi, "Don'tcha screw this!"

Of course not, what could _possibly_ go wrong with that team, right? Unfortunately things went wrong very fast, too fast for his liking, when a pretty geisha he recognize as one of Hinowa's friend came in with more woman's attire in her hands and froze when she locked her eyes on...

"Sa…Samurai-sama?"

And suddenly Gintoki felt sick when said Samurai-sama looked back and…blushed. _My Gintama, my dear 'tama', are going down to the toilet, please help…NOOOOOO! SHOJO INVASION!_

**_oooo_**

_Hijikata_

_Someone. Kill. Me._

He felt his embarrassment growing because she was still staring at him, hell, everybody was staring at him. So he decided to rub his temple because his headache was growing too. He had recognize the place before entering and had prayed that this sort of ridiculous plot device wouldn't be used- _(Sorry, Samurai-sama - __ Die! - __But...you're my favorite character Toshiro-san! - __I don't give a shit, get out!) _-but unfortunately here he was, reunited with his two…two...what exactly? He had to focus on something else, like Yamazaki, but the guy was just glancing back and forth between the woman and him.

The situation was getting more and more stupid, he _had_ to say something, but thankfully she broke the tension, "You know Tsukuyo-chan?" He mumbled a vague yes looking at the Hyakka leader and then at her. She wasn't very tall and prettier than he remembered, perhaps because she was less tired.

"Mah…Hijikata-kun…please introduces us to your friend!" _Asshole_. The idiot was smiling and looked even more idiotic with his wig and lipstick and godawful fake breasts. "Tch, jackass...saying my name out loud!"

"Now, now no need for name calling, every lips here are sealed."

"Oh, so you're working with Gintoki-sama too?" He glared at the perm head, "Unfortunately."

"Well…these are for you, I guess" She handed him a blue kimono and other silky things that were making him want to puke, she laughed lightly "I can help you." She was being kind, he knew, and not dumb too for getting the situation quickly and as things couldn't go anymore worse he nodded a yes.

"Ne, Mayora is flirting-aru." Or not, because he got redder and _some_ low lives were starting to giggle ,"Kagura-chan, that's none of our business."

"On the job no less…tsh tsh…Fukuchou-sama!"

"Shut up!" The woman's eyes widened, "Fukuchou?"

The useless asshole was starting to act accordingly to his dressing, "Oh yes! You got yourself a big fish Kiku-chan."

"Ne, Kiku-chan he's a smelly baka mayora…don't waste your beauty on it-aru."

"Kagura-chan!"

"Ah…Fukuchou…so this is serious?" But Yamazaki never got a proper answer because Hijikata was already busy kicking him in the guts. "It's Masami…hmm…I should go now."

"Omasami-san, please smile!" Clic. Flash. Okita had taken a picture and was now facing them with his usual deadpanned face, "The guys won't be happy he we keep it for ourselves."

_Sick bastard, _"WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" But the sadist kept his concentration on his phone, "That's a nice picture." Hijikata send him death glares but an other phone rang coming from Yamazaki's kimono, "Ah! Taichou you're right it's very nice…but Fukuchou could've smile m-" BAM! Then he turned again to the crimson eyes, "I'm gonna kill you!"

"Hijikata-san, don't show your ugly side so soon, you're not even married." He heard her outraged voice "That's not it at all!"

"Ignore him."

"Omasami-san, I hope you like dog food? But don't worry there are _normal_ people in the Shinsengumi who act _normally_ and don't taste like an ashtray, ask me if you need help. But Hijikata-san is a desperate cause, maybe you should consider better options?" He cringed at the word 'taste' and now the brat was actually offering his best bishounen smile.

But Masami had turned pale, "Shi...shinsen…gumi?"

"See Kiku-chan, smelly dog…run!" For half a second he thought of slapping the Yato girl but _that_ crazy idea calmed him down immediately.

"Hijikata-san, have you no shame tricking a nice lady?" Okita was smiling, with a smile he knew too well, the one that meant he was enjoying this to no end. Fortunately the ninja leader stepped in, "Oi, shaddup you all! Masami go if ya want…this room is full of morons!"

Masami stared blankly but then her features softened, "I said I'll help". And all he could do was staring back, wishing for someone to kill him, which actually happened when a little girl's voice came out of nowhere, "Onee-chan, that's the samurai who's in love!"

**_oooo_**

_Paako_

Things were starting to get interesting but Kiku-chan suddenly decided to end everybody's fun by excusing herself, taking the cute little girl with her and leaving. And Mayora was pissed. There was always something incredibly satisfying to see the man squirm in embarrassment and trying to deal with it the old fashion way, meaning by silently lighting a cigarette. Kagura had approached and Gintoki saw she had reverted her 'mommy' attitude, "Ne Mayora, you better be nice with her!"

Hijikata stared at the Yato girl and dropped the dress in Jimi's arms "That's none of your business, now let's get going with our job-" He turned to face him, "-no way I'm wearing that crap you retarded perm head."

"Respect the boss Toshi and you said yes to Kiku-chan!" Of course the other shot him daggers but their attention was soon drawn back to the others tax robbers and their frenetic use of cell phone, "Moshi moshi, Okita Sougo Shinsengumi first squad captain, I would like to make a reservation for a wedding ceremony... "

"OI! WHAT'S YOU'RE DOING SICK BA-"

"1500 guests..."

"Taichou, I've got a Zen Monk."

"WHAT?"

"Hijikata-san, Zen is what you need..." Okita stated flatly then focused his attention to his conversation "Yes...hum, send the bill to Hijikata Toshiro, Shinsengumi Headquarters, Edo. Thank you." The sadist shut his phone before Mayora could grab it, "All set! No need to thank me Fukuchou."

After that Gintoki couldn't have a real view of what was going over there because Kagura grabbed his sleeve with that Yato grip, a determined look on her painted face, "Gin-chan, if we do it smart Kiku-chan'll invite us and we'll smuggle lots of food at the party, and it won't be bananas this time." Shinpachi had joined in, curiosity getting the better of him, "Gin-san, is it what I think it is? Is Hijikata-san really...you know...that thing?"

"Don't ask Patsuan...I feel sick pictur-"

"AH! Fukuchou!" They all turned their attention to the tax robbers, Mayora had only grabbed the sadist's collar but something was off. _Oh shit_. The glares, the stiffed bodies, the dampened aura, everything told Gintoki the mood had switched into unwanted territories.

And Okita's voice had an edge in it that only confirmed this, "I don't think that's wise Hijikata-san, you already have difficulty restraining yourself."

Hijikata narrowed his eyes and stilled his grip "What's that suppose to mean?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Not to me."

"Your personal life is disrupting your duty...maybe we should find a replacement for you."

"If that's all you have to put me aside, try harder." They glared more and Jimi was glancing in his direction, maybe silently pleading him to do something, which meant that everybody knew this wasn't their usual 'fight'. But he didn't feel like doing anything, it wasn't his fucking problem and if things had to go to a blow, better now than latter. And somehow he knew that the two morons thought the same.

The kid spoke slowly, "I find it difficult to entrust my life with someone like you."

"That's rich coming from a backstabbing asshole." A clic. Okita had unsheathed with his thumb. "Okita-san! Hijikata-san!

"Still hung up on that, Hijikata?"

"Like I'll ever forget."

"You're right. I can forget either how low you bent your head in the dirt, begging for someone else's help."

"Ah! Taichou!" _Too late._ He could tell they weren't really going at it but Hijikata had still struck hard, the kid had still blocked with a firm grip and now they were glaring again. "You better stop right now." Hijikata obviously didn't want a crowd for that but, as suspected from the sadist, it would have been too easy. "Why, it's getting interesting...and _you_ told me you didn't want the job anymore."

"That's all you remember from that conversation?"

A flicker of hesitation passed through the red eyes, but instantly he reverted to scorn, "How long exactly did it take you to wash that blade?" The Vice-Commander tensed at the question and Gintoki felt annoyed, because the kid was only pushing the other's buttons for the sake of it, without thinking this through. "Why you care?"

"I don't. I'm just wondering...what kind of samurai is afraid of a dead man like Itou? Do you even see yourself as one anymore?"

_Itou..._

"You're months too late."

"Is that so? Why'd you tell _me _then_, _of all peop_-" _Hijikata suddenly lowered his blade and sheathed it slowly, the tension was still palpable but his movements were calm, cold, unfitting to the the usually hotheaded man.

Okita was taken aback a bit at the quick end, his red eyes flaming, unsatisfied, "You're going sof-" And Hijikata slapped him. Hard. And the kid didn't see it coming because he crashed against the wall and hit his head. Nobody moved, Tsukuyo eyed him questioningly but he avoided her stare. The other was touching his bloodied lips, looking into nothing, and Gintoki remembered that time the Gorilla had done the same, when his sister was dying.

Okita's voice was absent, "Took you long enough bastard."

"You're right, should've done it the first time." The tall man turned and walked past Kagura and Shinpachi searching his sleeves for a smoke, "Kondo-san is right too...you're still a kid." Before reaching the door Gintoki finally called him and the Shinsengumi glanced over his shoulder, "I'm not wearing that crap, Yorozuya."


	10. Of Things Past

**Chapter 10: Of Things Past **

* * *

_Thorny_

The sun was burning wild grass and bracken all around him. In the heat of the summer, he struggled to walk, feeling even more drenched by sweat with each movement, his feet covered with wet dust and his medicine package getting heavier and heavier. He wanted to spend some time at the dojo and had walked all the way from the last village of his delivery round. His breaking point was near but then he spotted a couple of trees ideal for shelter.

Lying under the vast branches full of leaves, his exhausted mind wandered again to the last alcohol infused night, where Kondo had shared his naïve dream of making it to the capital. Hijikata had dismissed the whole thing, still that stupid idea was growing on him and soon he found himself wanting more than ever that Kondo would ask him again. He felt suddenly sad, having the feeling that him and his brother would've got along well. Why was he thinking about that anyway.

"Tch..."

Although he had been a stupid pain in ass for most of his short existence, recently his life seemed to be taking a new path for the best, because all what he wanted was close for the first in his life, he could almost reach it. The desire to prove himself worthy of something, anything. And apparently his stubborn personality and fighting spirit matched his friend. He realized however that he wasn't as skilled as most men at the dojo, even if could still defeat all of them with his strength and he had sworn to never be beaten. Of course that excluded Kondo... and the brat. The spoiled little sadist was the most natural talent he ever saw, sometime during training or a fight he even wondered how the kid would fare against city trained samurais and intuition was telling him the little prick could surely hold his own.

He watched the leaves moving slowly, a small breeze brushed his face, a welcomed break from the heavy and suffocating heat, and he closed his eyes.

"Toshiro-san?"

He woke up with a start. He hadn't heard them approaching, two pairs of red eyes and sandy hair. Still dizzy from his semi consciousness he stared at the siblings who stared back strangely, surprise and bemusement all over their faces. He frowned and spoke before the situation could get awkward.

"What you're doing here?"

The spell was broken and Mitsuba laughed her light and warm laugh, "I think we could ask the same question."

He sat and looked around, slightly embarrassed, "I fell asleep."

"Obviously." She was smiling now and had her cunning air that made him so often uncomfortable. He stood up, rearranged his yukata and put his medicine pack back on his shoulder.

"We're going there too, we could walk together." She was still looking at him and he felt even more scrutinized, finally he mumbled a vague yes. When he glanced at the brat, the red eyes shot him the usual death glare.

"Go ahead I'll join you." He felt dirty and wanted to wash his feet and his face, not even looking at her he walked through the grass down to a small pond he had located before. The water was murky and greenish and he only dipped his feet. The sun was burning his skin again, he dried his face with his sleeve and wiped the mud off his legs. When he turned around he already knew who had followed him, but having nothing to say he didn't bother and the brat didn't either. He let the sun dry his feet before putting back his sandals. Sougo seemed oddly fascinated by what he was doing and Hijikata knew that it wasn't a good sign, the kid was creepy, nothing like his sister and yet he just looked like a smaller version of her. He splashed some water on Sougo's face and, as expected, curses just flowed out of it.

"Bastard...stop that, jerk..." But the kid calmed himself rather quickly only to stare down at him, "You better have worked your footwork."

"I'm quick, cancels it."

"That's not the way to do it!"

"Shut up." Hijikata stood up and reached back the road, the other following at a safe distance. She was walking slowly, only fifty feet away, waiting for them to catch up. The harsh sunlight facing him made her a hazy flowing silhouette.

"You can't beat me!"

He didn't have to look at him to know the crimson eyes were shooting him daggers and suddenly he blurted it out without thinking, "I've killed before."

The initial intention was to only shut him up but he immediately regretted the brash words. That wasn't something he was proud of, he had no reasons to brag about it and certainly not before a child. That was stupid and immature and when he glanced at him he felt ashamed, he might be a sick kid but _some_ remaining innocence still filled his eyes.

"Sou-chan, It's not nice to make sensei wait!"

She was smiling again, kindness and innocence too. And he sensed is chest tightening when she looked at him, because he was a fool. A fool for even having dared thinking he could have someone like her. Him, a killer.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Day 1_

_Mitsuba… and Sougo. _Why was he thinking of that again?

Brrr. "Oi Mayora, I'm hungry! Over."

The seventh time he had decided to ignore her completely. This was the eighteenth one.

Brrr. "You're a worst slaver than Gin-chan! Over." Nineteenth.

Brrr. "OI! SMELLY BAKA MAYORA!"

"Shut up. Watch is over in ten minutes."

He knew the bastard perm head would get revenge when he had refused, again, to dress as a drag, thus he ended up doing the most boring part, the part of being trapped in a small, dirty room watching people getting in and getting out. He was tired, waiting for the glasses kid to take over and Sougo too, so the Yato freak could get fed and shut her dirty mouth. She was his partner, hiding somewhere on the roof observing the streets around the inn, and he didn't know what prompted the Yorozuya to pair him with her, well maybe he did. They had agreed to split the Shinsengumis and the freelancers equally, the idiot and he couldn't stand each other, the girl and Sougo couldn't either so Yamazaki paired with the idiot, glasses kid with the sadist and him with…

Brrr. "Hijikata-san, I hope you died from boredom already. Over."

After ten hours observing the inn entrance he didn't feel like being snippy, "Where's the girl?"

Brrr. "She ran to the dango shop. Over."

They hadn't avoided each other after the fight, because Sougo was many thing but not stupid, "You're early. Over."

Brrr. "Complaining? Over."

They hadn't avoided each other but it didn't mean he wanted more contact than was necessary, they needed to put some distance between them before things could get out of hand, "No." And he was thankful that his usual tormentor felt the same need when he didn't hear the talkie anymore until the arrival of Shinpachi.

That street was so fucking empty and now the old bat was changing the candles again.

"Hijikata-san-", the glasses kid had just slammed open the tiny door, panting "-I think you should check on Kagura-chan...err...she might...get noticed."

He was tired and hungry and tired, "FUCKING PERM HEAD!"

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Day 3_

"I'm telling you they're not here anymore."

"Mayora...everything comes to him who waits."

"There's nothing to wait, they're gone!"

"Maybe. Still, stay there...'something fishy' you say that yourself..." Sakata scratched his head with the dango stick "Ah...that wig's so annoying!"

Hijikata grumbled under his breath but without conviction, because of course the lazy bum was right, the inn was suspiciously quiet for a place like Yoshiwara. Their daily meetings always started with bickering but, to his surprise, working with the idiot wasn't that bad, annoying but not bad. "What about you?"

"Hijikata-kun...you worry about me! I'm well, thank you." He hit the Yorozuya's leg under the bench. "Ow...Ok, ok! I'm on something potentially interesting, but you know...Paako was very busy with all th-"

"Cut the crap!"

"I can't tell now...nothing sure." He didn't like that at all and snapped, "Are you fucking serious. Spill!"

"I'm the Boss." The tone changed, the bastard was shutting him down and Hijikata couldn't help clenching his hand into a fist and tried to grab the other's collar.

"Stop. I'm trusting you, do the same-" Sakata caught his wrist, "I saw the guitar freak." Hijikata tensed and felt the grip loosed as his whole body contracted.

He snorted, "Tch...it's guitar punk, idiot." The fish eyes looked at him, confused, but then the sugar addict apparently decided to raise the stupid bid, "More like hitokiri punk."

Hijikata froze and he was thinking of Itou again. _Fuck_. The other was still staring, his eyes scrutinizing and more focused than usual, "What's up with the face...We're all hitokiris after all, right samurai-sama?" Then the idiot smiled.

"What?"

"You look like Zurako."

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

___Day 4_

Brrr. "Fukuchou...I...I don't get it."

"Tell him...I'm on something potentially interesting." _Yeah right, bullshit._

Shinpachi was getting nervous beside him, "Hijikata-san...you shouldn't go alone!"

"I'm not...we're switching by the way. I'm not taking her on the ground." The kid was staring, obviously waiting for some details, "It's probably nothing worth the trouble...but I can't stay here anymore-" He was already heading to the stairs, "-You're in charge here...don't screw."

**__****_o-o-o_**

"Candles? Hijikata-san don't drag me down with you, Gorilla still need me."

"Shut up."

He _was_ desperate. Gut feeling told him to follow the old hag after he got sick of seeing her scramble around the lanterns trying to light them without breaking her back. Gut feeling had him ask Okita to change his disguise, Hyakka was a good cover on roof but completely useless on the ground. And when they crossed the last corner and reached their destination his guts flinched, "Oh fuck!"

"Wow...things just got interesting!"

He looked over his shoulder, Okita had that special light in his eyes and he felt cold anger overcoming him, "We're doing this my way."

**__****_o-o-o_**

"She's faking."

"Probably."

"You're not sure?"

He sighed, "I don't give a shit."

Their situation was so ridiculous Hijikata didn't even feel embarrassment or discomfort at being trapped in a small closet, a whore house closet, surrounded by faked coital moans all around them.

"They won't be happy…Danna and the others", Sougo's voice was preoccupied.

_That and other things too, _but he stayed quiet. The week had been mostly disappointing until now, until he decided to follow his gut feeling out of boredom and next they had hit the jackpot. But they still couldn't do a thing about it because storming off would be worse, way worse. The best for everyone involved was to wait fifty minutes and get the hell out without notice, until then he didn't want to think about it anymore, she wasn't even there anymore. But they were, and he searched for a distraction, "The one in the other room, she's faking."

"Oi, avoiding much?" The noises were so loud and close that their hushed voices could hardly be noticeable but he hit Sougo's leg nonetheless. It was dark and they could hardly see each other, they fell into silence once more until Sougo impatient but more subdued voice broke in, "How long's the pass?"

"An hour." He heard a long exasperate breath and felt the need to finally share his thought, "That lazy perm head is not that dumb, maybe he already had figured it out…besides we don't know what _they _know."

"Funny-" Sougo hesitated "-maybe I was wrong...you do act instinctively most of the time."

He wasn't in the mood for cryptic words, "I'm not following."

"Never mind...you're worried though."

Someone who could see through him that often unnerved him to no end and Sougo was getting good at it, it was even more annoying since Hijikata believed that it wasn't like this before, "Involuntary action."

"Like your hard on?"

_I hate that fucking kid._

"Shut up!"

He shifted, slightly self-conscious. Of course he was, who wouldn't? They stayed quiet for a while but he had the excruciating feeling that only seconds had passed and that the next fifty minutes would be interminable, not only because of his restless mind but simply because Sougo was the last person he wanted to be trapped with. That, and fact that the obnoxious moans still hadn't stopped. It got worst when he heard movements and then a light weight landing on his lap.

"What's that?"

"Condom."

"Your point?"

"Kondo-san gave me plenty for my devirginization…I never used them. If you're that turned on, don't mind me."

"You _really_ are a sick bastard."

"I'm not the one getting humiliated."

Not really wanting to know he still asked, "Why you didn't use them?" The other took a long time to respond, "Didn't feel like it." Hijikata hated all this, he wasn't good with talking, that was much obvious with their earlier altercations, the last one still strikingly present in his mind. But now, in the dark, he couldn't see the cut on Sougo's lip and, as usual when feeling uncomfortable, he reverted to old habits, mainly being a jerk, "Try male brothels."

That was low, he knew, but still couldn't help himself.

Sougo tensed voice threw him off guard, "Congratulations...finally got a clue."

_Shit_. He never wanted to know because he dreaded the answer, "You should've told me..."

"I take it back…you're the most stupid bastard I've ever known."

The tone was blank but Hijjikata perceived the meaning behind the words, their situation was so deeply complicated that it deserved more consideration than half an hour in a brothel closet, surrounded by sex craved old men and cheap perfume scent. Even he could recognize that.

"You really should've told me" his whisper was barely audible and he wasn't even sure Sougo had heard it, but then he felt him approaching slowly and a warm hand touched his knee. It surprised him, yet instead of lashing out he seized the wrist gently, "We have to stop that." His voice wasn't harsh or reproachful, and he knew the young man was carefully thinking what to say next.

"You messed up my head, jerk."

That was the truth and he loathed himself. Then, it hit him. It _really_ hit him how fucked up he was, how screwed up the whole thing was, how recently he had been thinking about her and yet couldn't help it. Because all he cared was the warm hand and the soft respiration next to him.

"I know it's fucked up but least you could do is finishing what you started you prick-" That wasn't the usual Okita, perhaps darkness allowed him to stop the act, but then the moment was gone and the deadpanned voice kicked in again, "-you owe me training on blowjob...then you can jump off a cliff and die."

He sensed Sougo seizing the condom, open it and threw the paper away, "It's cherry flavored-" Hijikata realized he had no power to control that kind of lust and neither had the other, it was also becoming painfully obvious that sex wasn't the only problem they had to face. Regardless of how unwilling they were to deal with it, a part of Hijikata's brain knew he couldn't delude himself further and that said problem needed solving as soon as possible, whatever the cost. But for the time being he decided he would give in once more, because that was what he wanted, because Sougo's hand was moving and because he was so fucking hard. "-they're all cherry flavored…Gorilla sense of humor is shittier than yours, if that's possib-"

Hijikata crashed his mouth on the soft lips and they kissed, relieved. Sougo hissed when he bit the wounded spot, "Do that again and I'll bit that sorry thing down there." But before kissing again he whispered slowly, "What if you must kill her?"

It crossed his mind that the young man perhaps thought he wouldn't be capable of doing it if needed, "I've killed before."

"I know you will if you have to...but what about after?" That, Hijikata realized, he didn't know.


	11. Betrayal

**Chapter 11: Betrayal**

* * *

_Okita_

He felt the pain on the back of his head but hardly paid it any attention, instead he brought one hand to his lips, only to see blood slightly wetting the tip of his fingers. That surprised him, he was fourteen the last time Hijikata had slapped him like that, and he wasn't used to it because Kondo-san was the only one allowed to do it.

"Took you long enough bastard", and he wished said bastard had done it sooner, when they were alone, so he could've beat the shit out of him without thinking twice about it.

"You're right, should've done it the first time" Hijikata turned around and walked away, "Kondo-san is right too...you're still a kid." But he wasn't listening anymore, there was no point in that, since when the dickhead had ever said anything interesting to begin with.

_**o-o-o**_

"Dannaa...what makes you think I want company?"

The other didn't care obviously and sat next to him, proceeding to check him out with attention shaking his head slightly, "You tax robbers are way too effeminate…first Jimi, now you…" Sougo shrugged, "I'm a bishounen, everything looks good on me."

Danna scratched one of his faked breasts in a very unladylike gesture, "Well, Gorilla makes it up with his hairy ass."

_Kondo-san... _

He wished his mentor were here, life was so much simpler with him around, "You've seen it that closely?" The dead fish eyes stared him down, "Everyone's seen it closely…he _exposes_ it closely without anyone's consent." He stared back, "Good point. What d'you want?"

"Baka. What's up with the jealous wife act?"

"How subtle…came to join the fun?"

"My threesomes include real boobs."

"Shame, I always wanted to play with your Bokutō."

They stared some more, seemingly utterly bored, then the silver man looked in front of him grunting, "Why do I bother, you're a dumbass psycho." He wanted to tell him to fuck off but didn't, Danna was his friend. And maybe he also wanted him to try harder, because he knew perfectly well that this was going to get in the way of his job and right now that man was his boss. He tried to find something to say that would ease the tension, but ended blurting out the very thing that was bothering him, although something too close to home for him to confide more deeply. Not to that man or Kondo, he couldn't even think about the dread of revealing that sort of weakness. No... a failure, at least in his eyes.

"He can't afford letting his guard down…to anyone. That's the deal, Kondo-san is the softy, we're the heartless assholes. The only thing that always keeps us on the same track is that we don't look back."

"Yeah, yeah…that's all good and all…in theory-" the silver samurai slouched heavily crossing his arms, "-Mah…he _is_ the kind who doesn't look back but he also _tells_ things and act differently."

"You're annoying Danna." He was… annoyingly persistent, "What you're saying is that, in fact, you're pissed because he trusts you?"

Sougo didn't answer, because he didn't know what to say. Leaning his head against the wall he watched the pink neon sign twinkling above them. The other kept talking, "What's wrong with remembering the dead anyway? Everyone does."

He knew that too well, although couldn't understand why guild was part of it, "Aah…Itou-sensei!" He was careful to emphasize the sarcasm, "The traitor…we gave him his honor back, what more? Posthumous worship?"

"How the hell should I know…maybe you guys just can't afford forgetting someone like him. My life would be perfect with endless strawberry milk, Jump and a naked Ana...without having to think of the people I killed or loved." The silver haired stood up, yawning heavily, and started walking, "Perfection is boring. Get over it, we're not machines."

While watching him leaving he realized they'd avoided completely the elephant in the room, "Why you don't ask?"

The man didn't stop, only glanced at him over his shoulder, "Not my business."

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Day 1_

She was enjoying it, he could tell, her eyes staring at the cut on his lip, "Bet your over-sized sadistic ego took it harder? Baka Mayora can be so cool when he wants to!"

He stared at her blankly, no way she was going to get away with that, he had a whole week to think of a nasty revenge. For now he just wanted her to disappear so he lifted the hand he was hidden behind his back and bit on his dango, of course she was already drooling.

He waited until her stomach gurgled, "Dream on."

Next thing she threw the talkie in his arms, opened her umbrella and jumped from the roof. He settled against the chimney and chewed on lazily, the street where the inn was situated had only paper lanterns, a stark contrast with the effervescence of the rest of city. The back alleys and the inn's courtyard were empty and dark, and it reeked garbage everywhere. Yoshiwara was no better than Kabukicho, it figured why the Yorozuya hung around here that often. While scanning the surroundings, his eyes locked on one particular dark window and he pressed the button.

"Hijikata-saan, I hope you died from boredom already. Over."

Brrr. "Where's the girl?"

"She ran to the dango shop. Over."

Brrr. "You're early. Over."

Leave it to the bastard to never be satisfied, "Complaining? Over."

Brrr. "No." _Fine go to hell._

He couldn't nap, that was Takasugi after all even if the chance of getting near him was almost nil, so he decided to patrol on the roofs. He wanted to try two or three tricks Tsukuyo had showed him with the kunais, although he didn't like them it was a challenge and he was fast to learn. He smiled - Hijikata and China stabbed to death with kunais - that cheerful thought would lift his mood for the night, surely.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Day 4_

"Wow...things just got interesting!"

She was leading the old baba to the entrance of the brothel, looking anxious and so very guilty, no wonder they had nothing to spy on when they had been double-crossed. It smelled of blood. Betrayals are annoying, it's messy and mixed-up, not that he gives a rat's ass about hers or Tsukuyo feelings, but _he_ happened to be involved into this because of Gorilla, the Yorozuya and the moron next to him.

Speaking of whom, Hijikata seemed to finally waking up and turned his head to shot him the demonic glare over his shoulder, "We're doing this my way."

It was almost too obvious to be true, she was an amateur. What was the point of all this? He knew Hijikata was fuming internally and pretty much thinking the same thing as they hid from Masami and the woman. "Say Hijikata-san, guess your wedding's canceled?"

"I'm gonna kill you."

"Aaw…Hi. Ji. Ka. Ta…I'm wounded."

"Tch...maybe she doesn't even know what she's doing... we're going in."

His eyes were piercing the blue ones, wanting to know and not wanting at the same time. He was intrigued, and more perhaps, as to why the bastard had been so embarrassed about her, Hijikata had merely done exactly what he said he should do that night Sougo sought answers to this mess, all because of a stupid robot: Have sex with women. One for that matter, the first for... quite some times.

"Sooo...she slept with you on purpose?"

The Vice-Commander stared back, unflinching, "I don't know."

And Sougo understood that no matter what some parts of that man, important ones, would always elude him. This and the irritating realization that Danna may have been, although partially, right with that stupid jibe.

**_o-o-o_**

He climbed the rain gutter and landed on the second floor balcony, hiding until a door slipped and he rushed inside. Hijikata was already standing at the other end of the room sticking his ear to the paper doors. The bastard had refused again wearing a woman's outfit after Danna had made some remark the other day, although he didn't know about what, and he was disguised as a Bakufu official.

Sougo approached, removing his wig and scarf, and Hijikata shot him a disapproving look that he completely ignored. When the corridor seemed quieter, they slipped outside, walking door by door trying to catch her voice among the lewd and moans and disgusting old men drunken rants. There were times like these he felt glad of the existence of the Mimawarigumi to protect the depraved. Suddenly they heard footsteps, he quickly opened the door of an empty room where they rushed in but the two persons approached closer and Hijikata yanked him in a closet. Immobile in the dark he could focus on the low voices coming only to recognize the very same person they were looking for who was entering the room.

**_o-o-o_**

"You told me it'd be done quickly."

"It is not that easy...they want to know if there will be back up from the outside." The old woman voice was calm but Masami didn't answer. "We'll strike when things are clear...in the mean time you have to get closer to the watchdog."

The whore didn't sound assured, "I'm not doing this for you...and I'm not good at it". Both women stayed silent a while and Masami sighted softly, "Hinowa is just wrong…this 'city' is hopeless, it should've burnt long ago...when Housen died. Now girls are still sold and we bought them unashamedly...she thinks she can reform but nothing changes."

"Be careful and keep that to yourself for now...they need mor-"

"I know! Don't lecture me old woman...that man and the boss lady you don't know them, they killed a Yato!"

"And they'll die too."

Sougo reached for his short sword on his back but a warm hand stopped him, the old hag was still talking "Just a few days and th-" She went silent and he realized there was some noise in the corridor, then the two women were interrupted by a bang and a loud laughter, an other whore and her client had jut stomped in.

"That's our room!"

**_o-o-o_**

He knew Hijikata was right but it still pissed him out and now they were sitting in the dark trying to forget for an hour the noises and the memories. Their job was often frustrating but it felt off here, he wasn't used to it, that was Yamazaki and Hijikata, the spying and over-thinking. He needed something to get his mind off the idea of slicing her throat and took the condom off his sleeve.

**_o-o-o_**

"You should've told me..."

Punching him wasn't a possible option, a shame. "I take it back…you're the most stupid bastard I've ever known."

"You really should've told me."

It was a whisper and it felt like Hijikata was trying to convince himself he could have stop if he knew and that made up his mind. To hell with all that shit, being so close and with that heat, it wasn't humanly possible to keep those thoughts at bay. He reached to touch him and whatever rational strength he had until now went out the window but a hand seized his wrist, "We have to stop that."

They were on mission, that's why he didn't slit the bastard's arm with the kunai hidden in his sleeve for stating the obvious. Now what? For once he tried the truth, "You messed up my head, jerk."

And there was no way he would back down, "I know it's fucked up but least you could do is finishing what you started you prick...you owe me training on blowjob...then you can jump off a cliff and die." He grabbed the condom, the thought of his mentor should stop him but it didn't, "It's cherry flavored."

_When did that happen? _

"They're all cherry flavored…Gorilla sense of humor is shittier than yours, if that's possib-" But Hijikata was already kissing him, with his smoker breath that should be disgusting but wasn't and when the bastard bit his lip, exactly where his pride had been wounded, he wanted to rip his clothes instead of punching him. _Sick_. "Do that again and I'll bit that sorry thing down there." He remembered the blood on his finger when that lip had been cut and something else popped in his mind, "What if you must kill her?"

Hijikata answered warily, "I've killed before."

"I know you will if you have to...but what about after?" He asked because neither of them had killed a woman before.


	12. Lost Boys

_**Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki**_

* * *

**Chapter 12: Lost Boys, part 2**

* * *

_ Sougo_

"We need to talk."

Hijikata remains silent and Sougo feels the slight movement of his arm writing slowly. Resting on the warm and firm back still doesn't annoy him even if his thigh is starting to hurt again from sitting so long. It's one nasty recovery and he has sworn not to return in Yoshiwara for a while. Fukuchou finally mans up and puts down his pen, "I'm tired of talking." _Or not_.

Sougo stops eating and they stay like this forever, but he knows they have to do this, even if the bastard is a coward, even if it's fucked up. _I need to be sure_. "Hijikata-s-"

"Shh! Wait." And they wait in silence, sensing their backs against each other. Finally the footsteps approach and he moves away slowly. "Fukuchou?"

"Come in."

The door opens and the man's eyes fall on him, surprised, "Ah! You're awake". He doesn't want to respond and stares, wishing badly to cast his most sadistic glare but manages to abstain himself, it's useless and will mostly wastes time. "I told Kyokuchou you were here... he was relieved… haha, he thought you were g-"

"Where's my mayonnaise?"

The man instantly tenses, switching his eyes in the direction of the cold voice and sweat starts rolling on his temple, "I…I'm sorry…I'll-"

"No need. There. Closet." The man stumbles and puts down the tray, rushing to said closet and Sougo can't help observing with delight the demonic effect on an other human being. He even enjoys it almost as much as when _he_ is inflicting similar treatment. The dog food is found, easily, and Hijikata snatches it from the new recruit. _Mayora freak._

"Now get the hell out and don't show your face again. Okita has catching up to do." The other is petrified… and doesn't fucking move! Sougo finally bothers as things could be dragged unnecessarily, "That's slavery, Hijikata-san." The recruit looks back and forth between them.

"Yeah, like I fucking care. You-" pointing at the moron "-move, or sit and start that pile." Some papers are thrown at him but the scared moron eyes light up, finally getting it, he excuses himself, bows and runs away.

They're alone again. The tray is pushed and the Hijikata's body shifts to face him, Sougo stare over his shoulder, his bowl of rice clutched absently in his left hand, "You don't eat?", he remarks flatly.

"I'm not hungry." The more the blue eyes are watching him the number his brain becomes, "Are you finished?"

"Not quite." But Hijikata doesn't care and grabs the bowl anyway, putting it on the abandoned tray and Okita observes blankly until he changes his mind and throws the chopsticks too, "What now?"

"I don't want to talk but you obviously do." And the bastard really looks like he doesn't.

"You need to change the rule."

"Which one?"

"About shudō."

"Really?"

"It's outdated."

"Most of them are."

They pause and Sougo also turns his body around to face the other properly, "Why you didn't speak to me at the hospital?"

"Too tired."

"Why?" He knows why, Kondo told him, but Hijikata doesn't answer and it pisses him off that _he_ is the one who has to end it, "Why did you sleep with me?"

**_o-o-o_**

_Toshiro_

He sighs, "I've already told you" But the murderous glare from the other side indicates that this response is unwanted, as expected.

"You had sex with men."

"Yes."

"You had sex with women."

"Yes." _This is stupid_.

"You had sex with me because I look like her."

Hijitaka is silenced, for once at a loss for words. They are breaking that other rule, speaking of her. _He's going to kill me_.

He never really wanted to ask himself, he avoided and circumvented the idea multiple times and it just came back like a punch in the guts, now and here. The glare is still on him, unforgiving. Then, he thinks that in a few years he will be probably dead. He thinks that the red eyes in front of him will also be dead and finally he decides to say what makes him die inside.

"Maybe...I don't…I…" But a thought clears is mind and he tells the half truth, "Yes". The other half he decides to keep it for himself, because for the time being Sougo will still be here and tomorrow and the day after. This should be enough, simply being near him.

A heavy silence falls between them. Sougo stands up and winces, resting a hand on his wound but he straightens up quickly and heads to the door. Hijikata looks away and when the only sound he can clearly hear is his own respiration he laughs. It is bitterness and relief at the same time.

The next day he schedules for them to never go on patrol together anymore.

_****__-O-O-O-O-_

_Senpai_

She had cried her heart out, probably the whole night. Sougo was certain because usually she could hide almost everything when she was down. Today was different, for both of them, and for the first time in his life he felt like killing someone. In fact he knew exactly who he wanted to cut in pieces because he was glaring at that person right now. Cold, indifferent, unreachable.

_Hijikata you heartless bastard._

They were going to Edo and she would stay here. He couldn't stand it. Why was this guy always stealing his happiness, yesterday they were all on cloud nine and now it was all gone. The worst part is that he would've accepted it for her sake, he would've borne his presence at her side.

Hijikata had avoided him during the whole practice, refusing each fight or simply contact and hiding his face behind the protective mask. No doubt because the man was aware of how fired up he was, like everyone else in the dojo that afternoon. There was a succession of violent, quick strokes and then his voice shouting "Next". Again his favorite combination, fast on the left shoulder then the right then his shinai two centimeters from whomever throat was in front of him, all while reading the fear on their faces. Whatever, it could be worse, he was able to crush them without blinking, it was _that_ easy.

Now Okita Senpai was contemplating his work, men hurting, panting and sweating, exhausted and bruised bodies displayed on the wooden floor. He scanned around searching for him, then pointed his shinai to the bastard chest, "Next". But Hijikata didn't move or say anything, he just pulled out his mask and for the first time that day Sougo could see his eyes, even barely, and they were hollow just like hers.

Before leaving the bastard locked those blue eyes on his, "You are a great swordsman."

If it was possible Sougo hated him more, because this was the first time he had ever told him something resembling to a compliment when all the others had already recognized his superior skills years ago. And because those eyes just told the truth, that Hijikata wanted her happiness but ended up ruining all her hopes.

He couldn't stand it, he wouldn't.


	13. Yoshiwara, Part 3

**Chapter 13: Yoshiwara, Part 3**

* * *

_Oni no Fukuchou_

"SAAAKEEE!...MORE SAKEEE!"

"Now, now Nezu–han!"

A dull noise broke their kiss and they froze. The drunken fool seemed to have fallen down, finally shutting his mouth. "….Mooore…sakeee…" Hijikata growled under his breath, almost. Now he was plainly pissed, as a matter of fact he wasn't as screwed up as he thought he was initially, because when the man had started to shout and whine ten minutes ago, it had stopped him in his tracks. And Sougo too, thankfully.

The whore sighed exasperatedly before exiting the room, "Yes…I'm going…be quiet…"

He was still clutching Sougo's hair, slightly flustered, "That's our cue!"

They stood up and slid slowly the door ready to draw, but no one except the half unconscious moron on the floor. Sougo approached the man and knocked him out with his hilt, "Nezu-san…is it who I think it is?" He stared down the drunken face, "Don't ask" and they headed towards the balcony.

Sougo eyed him amused, "You look pissed."

"Shut up!", he glanced at the crowed street, "Better leave by the roof." The gutter looked easy to climb. "What next?" Sougo asked.

"I'm going to find the perm head, you return there...the brats have been alone long enough."

"They'll manage…we should warn the boss lady too." A scowl formed on his face. "What you don't trust her?"

"Why should I?"

"Danna does." As expected this irritated him further, "We stick to that…she'll know soon enough."

He went first leaning on the gutter, followed closely by Sougo. On the roof he crouched and stretched his hand towards him but he suddenly tensed and his eyes dilated, before he could draw the shot fired.

_Taichou_

He saw him stumbled forward and a stain formed on his left shoulder, then his hand landed heavily on the tiles supporting his body. In a split second they glanced at each other and Hijikata jumped up, finally managing to free his sword.

A calm and cold voice he did not know rose into the air, "Isn't this unexpected?"

He could only see his back but Sougo knew that the injury was hurting because when the bastard spoke his voice trembled slightly, "Takasugi."

He climbed on the roof and also unsheathed his short sword. A blonde girl was pointing a gun at them, he recognized Bansai but the man in the shadow, the man they were chasing after for so long, was sitting in the darkness and he could only vaguely notice his half bandaged face. He was exhaling the smoke quietly and his kiseru moved away slowly from his mocking smile.

"Bakufu lapdogs meeting their end in the whore city...how fitting."

But the man had barely the time to breathe again when a metallic noise made them all look in the direction of the gun, now rendered inoperative by a kunai thrown in the middle of the barrel. The girl's hand was trembling and Sougo smiled, "Drop it...bitch". _Too bad I only have one._

Takasugi laughed, "Now I understand why you survived for so long…you've got some skill, I'll grant you that. My friend here-" he pointed to Bansai, "-fell in love with your 'music'. Personally, I don't get the fascination."

Hijikata held his sword higher towards him, "You talk too much."

But the kiheitai leader only stared, "With that wound?"

"Try me."

_Shiroyasha_

Takasugi seemed to enjoy his fight, with an undoubtedly unfair advantage at that, and Hijikata's injury was leaving behind him a trail of blood. But the adrenaline seemed to hold him together and he was still giving his former comrade a run for his money. Meanwhile Okita was busy between the Hitokiri and the crazy gun freak.

The long haired idiot grunted beside him, "I cannot believe you dragged me here to help those fools."

"You're the fool, you came on your own...remember."

They stayed silent a while but then an exasperated voice cut short their contemplation, "Oi! How long'll ya gonna stay there and do nothin'?"

"I'm admiring the view." He said while picking his nose.

"Me too."

Wrong answer, obviously, as two kunais planted directly on their neck, "Move yar asses!" And the Hyakka Death God Courtesan dashed forward.

**_oooo_**

In normal times Okita knew he could be equal with the punk, hell even more, but she kept trying to fire at him with her automatic guns while the other attacked and attacked more violently. Fighting with a short sword rendered it almost impossible to even think about tricking them. And all that of course was the fault of the bastard, who, each time Sougo glanced at with the corner of his eyes, seemed to be more and more in trouble. He dodged on his right a kick coming to the chest and seized the opportunity to throw himself down and roll to the other side. And the bullet intended for him grazed the punk's cheek and that startled him enough for Sougo to strike with all his force behind the knee.

**_oooo_**

At least that asshole wasn't bragging about his skills and dammit, he was good. But it pissed him how shamelessly the guy would use any dirty tricks to kill, not that it bothered him theoretically, but right now with his wound Hijikata was struggling. Clearly that guy was here to see ashes and blood and he didn't give a fuck about using amanto weaponry to back him in his destructive path. Talk about hypocrisy. It got worse when the blade slashed his arm and he retaliated harshly, but the other only sniggered.

"I see why Itou failed so miserably."

And that was exactly the wrong thing to say.

**_oooo_**

The kunais encircled Matako and the guns were again annihilated, Okita saw the Hyakka Boss and rushed to knock out the blond bitch but Bansai caught his arm with a string. He was in the process to strike hard to break it when a familiar bokken hit the kiheitai jaw, "Your in my way…again". The punk loosened his grip and Okita cut the string.

"Danna…fancy seeing you here."

**_oooo_**

The bang got his attention but Hijikata couldn't risk a glance, he was busy pushing his blade near the bandaged eye, then someone passed behind him and Takasugi smiled, "Here's your chance-" and the man struck on his left. Hijikata stumbled backward, but nobody hit him, instead a sword blocked Takasugi's.

"-Zura!"

And an annoyed voice he knew too much rang, "Zura ja nai, Katsura da!"

"Nothing left to say...isn't it?" Takasugi coldness was almost unsettling. "Nothing, and I'll still cut you down." He glanced in his direction, "Shinsengumi, let us call a truce while I'm saving you."

"Bakayarou...you're just interrupting!"

"Oi, Mayora...manners!" He turned around to see the silver idiot grinning, but quickly the mood switched.

"Gintoki." Takasugi smirked, something amused him although they didn't know what.

"Asshole." The usual dead fish eyes were burning, "...move, you're on my territory."

And then the Kiheitai terrorist laughed as a resounding explosion detonated from the other side of the city, coming from the vicinity of the inn. "Seems...you were slow on that one-" An other explosion, although no fire or smoke, "-Didn't I tell you about my business associates...long time ago."

Half a roof collapsed and Tsukuyo's voice reached them, "Gintoki!" But the Yorozuya was already jumping in the air.

Hijikata could only gasped, "What's th-"

"Yato fights are always...spectacular." The cold voice cut his and Takasugi didn't even bother to look behind him while destruction seemed to fall on Yoshiwara.


	14. Lost and Found

**Gintama=Sorachi, as always**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Lost... and Found**

* * *

_Aneue...I am a despicable man..._

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Hijikata_

The evening is strangely quiet and a fresh breeze passes through the leaves, cooling down the air while he walks aimlessly in the courtyard. It's too quiet, even if half the men are on patrol usually the other half is pretty loud, even more since the significant increase in recruits over the past few months, he glances again at the barracks drowned into darkness. Then Hijikata remembers vaguely someone saying something about someone, a party, alcohol, promises of a feast, he doesn't know about what and who, only Yamazaki asking him to join and him declining grumpily, as always. Always... work. Overdose is catching up.

He had to deal with the old geezer and his restructuring plan all day. The old man... and his gun. Of course Kondo being the coward that he is, had shamefully thrown the work into his lap this morning mumbling some shit, "Toshi, this is too much for me!" and "You're the thinking man here!" and it still baffles him how that Gorilla can be so lazy regarding his responsibilities. Having spend the day with that highly dangerous man had also reminded Hijikata about an other problem he has to deal with, no way he can let that perm head blackmail them any longer.

Then, it happens and he ducks at the last second. The explosion has definitely disturbed the calm atmosphere, leaving a trail of remaining fire and ashes and that awful characteristic smell. And a destroyed tree.

"DAMMIT, FUCKING BASTARD!"

"Ooh…it's you?"

"OF COURSE IT'S ME!"

"I thought you were a panty thief." Hijikata doesn't deign to start an argument, he's definitively not in the mood, but the other feels the need to pursue, "Besides, what you're doing here?"

"I'm living here."

"Hijikata-san...I meant, what are you doing _here _?"

Hijikata looks around, it's the eastern barracks and the first squad quarters. _Shit! _He hadn't realized where his feet had brought him. Not letting himself be disturbed he simply states the truth, "Walking." The bazooka resting on his shoulder and half hidden in the dark, the young man's face is hard to read. Hijikata narrows his stare, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Sleeping."

"You're supposed to be on patrol."

"I switched with Harada." He grits his teeth, enjoying less and less the encounter, "How comes I don't know about this?"

"Oooh…must've forgotten to tell you." Sougo doesn't even bother to tone down the contempt.

"You mean forgotten to ask."

"That too."

"Fine…you'll both get sanction." Retracing his steps, he stops when the blank voice speaks again. "We didn't ask because you'd have refused…as usual."

"I'm not making exception for officers."

"And yet you go easy on the newbies."

He turns around, although he shouldn't, "I don't."

"You do." He shouldn't have done it because Sougo has advanced slightly and his gaze bores right into his. Hijikata would like to shove his hands in his pockets but they're already here, instead he curses under his breath, "Shinsengumi needs to grow… they'll have the same treatment as older members...later."

"That's a screwed up reasoning."

_The only screwed up thing here is that talk. _"That's strategy."

"You mean tactic?"

"Whatever…it works." _Wherever this is going, it's already absurd._

"I thought you were the brains here and you can't even tell the difference between strategy and tactic?"

_Absurd or stupid_. "Of course I do… I'm tired that's all."

"No, you're incompetent."

"Tch! I'm babysitting 200 men-" He glares at him intently, "-their stupidity is contagious."

Of course the deadpanned voice kicks in again, "Oooh!...finally admitting you're too dumb for the job?"

_Bastard_. "NO!"

"But you are."

"And you are dumber…give up!"

"No, you are."

He exhales lengthily, both the nicotine and his irritation, "Why are we having this conversation?"

"You've trespassed on my garden."

"It's Shinsengumi garden…idiot."

"It's first squad garden and why are you smoking…dumbass?"

"A smoker smoke…usually."

"Not in my garden…get lost."

"It's not your garden…psycho."

"Addict freak."

"Sadistic freak."

"Bastard."

He tenses, they have spoken more words in that short, insane conversation than in the last few weeks. The air still polluted by smell of gunpowder and now an electric silence surrounds them. And Hijikata is insane too, for saying it aloud, "This isn't working."

The answer is cold and so are the eyes staring at him, "Try male brothels."

Hijikata turns around and flees, after all it's him who came here in the first place, maybe unconsciously, but probably in search of something he has vowed to banish from his mind. And yet... _Just get your ass out of here_.

**_o-o-o_**

_Okita_

Hijikata disappears and Sougo feels his headache taking over, again. He goes to his bed, putting his bazooka at his feet and drops loudly on his back. He lays the palm of his hand on his forehead, right between the eyes, hoping that the throbbing pain will disappear as well. _Painkillers my ass_. He had stolen them from Gorilla's stash earlier when the continuous drumming became a threat to his long awaited sleep.

"Neh...annoying!"

It's stupid and he knows it, but it's even more stupid to persist avoiding it, and this is what enrages him. He had never imagined before that one day he might be miserable for something as trivial as sex. Or is it? Surely, headache can only mean sexual frustration after all, but why, fucking why, he _still_ isn't visiting male brothels? Because of that fucking woman? And masturbation is definitively a failure at this point. _Nineteen and impotent, _that's too much for his ego to take.

The thing hitting is skull is still there and to calm his nerve he grabs the first item in his scope and throws it outside with all his force. The bazooka crashes with a deafening noise near the ashes. He rises, refusing to see that stupid tree and the ruins resembling the state of his mind, he grabs the door ready to kick it violently but halts dead. Hijikata is leaning against the wall a few steps away from him, smoke escaping from his lips and blue eyes locked on the disaster outside. His hand trembles slightly and that's the stupidest thing he has done all night, allowing his body to react this way because of a heartless bastard.

He doesn't close the door and walks back inside.

**_o-o-o_**

_Hijikata_

He pauses at the entrance and then turns to stare at the dark evening night one last time when a breeze brushes his neck. A small lantern is lit on the table, the young man sitting in the distance does not move and Hijikata realizes that the last time he came here was months ago, and only to wake the other up with a kick and a shout. He closes behind him and sits silently against the door.

It is strange, apparently Sougo hasn't lied, he really has been sleeping quietly in the empty quarters...alone. Hijikata doesn't know what to think about that.

Sougo observes him and slowly undresses, "I don't want Kondo-san to know."

Hijikata undoes his belt and places his katana at his side, "If you think I want him to know." He unbuttons his jacket, his heart pounding but he really wants to be calm for this and stubs out his smoke against the palm of his hand, closing his eyes. Instinctively he unsheathes his sword enough to place the burned palm against the cold blade.

But a strong hand takes the katana away and Hijikata snaps them open. Okita is right in front of him, unsheathing the sword, the cutting edge toward him. He approaches and pushes the blade against his neck, Hijikata blocks it with his hands and pushes back with the same force. They fight for control and his hands begin to bleed. Sougo approaches closer, with a look that he can finally recognize, a rare and furtive look that the crimson eyes had never given, to _him_, before. Their skins touch, the blade is thrown away and they keep touching.

**_o-o-o_**

They haven't even finished undressing, with blood everywhere on the immaculate white Shinsengumi shirt and Sougo's face and hair and his face too, blood smeared on the yukata and the sheets, breathing hard, their bodies finally satisfied. And it's almost pathetic and embarrassing how by simply kissing and rubbing tightly against each other their semen also have spread on their clothes. And yet it's not, because the wild crimson eyes burning right through him can't possibly be pathetic and they certainly are not embarrassed.

Grabbing his scarf he tries to wraps it around one of his hand, he can't take that much chaos at once without his head threatening to burst, he needs the slightest resemblance of order, if only one moment.

"Hijikata-san…always desperate to clean your mess." Sprawled between tatami and futon, a sly smile lingering on his sleepy face... in that instant he looks nothing like her.

"That's your fault and what's up with the smile?"

Sougo's shoulders move slightly, a lazy shrug he supposes, "I like living."

This is an unexpected reply, and strangely a comforting one, because the young man always seems so carefree that you could almost believe he doesn't give a shit about anything except protecting Kondo-san. "Tch…" Hijikata concentrates again on his useless task, the wound isn't that deep.

"And you're a good lay."

Hijikata stops.

In sadistic language it means something. Something he knows, deep down, that is close to what normal people call feelings, whatever they might be. In any case he's one hundred percent certain that this is as far as the sadist is willing to go to express anything toward him other than hatred, hostility or contempt. And he's fine with it, more than fine actually, giving his own inability to express himself with words. His touches, kisses and caresses should be enough in that regard as far as he's concerned. If Sougo doesn't pick up on, so be it.

But of course he does, otherwise he wouldn't stare at him endlessly like that, with those damn burning eyes and entwining his free hand with his own like he's doing right now, still staring right into his soul. And more bleeding and messier bodies. That twisted little shit enjoys blood too much.

**_o-o-o_**

_Okita_

"It stopped bleeding." He seizes firmly Hijikata's wrists and pushes them against the sheets, observing the man's face below him.

"I'm tired."

It's true, he looks tired and more... sickeningly and stunningly handsome, "I'm not."

And now exasperated, "That's because you're sick."

"I'm nineteen an-"

"Shut up!"

The air is moist in the quiet room, the lantern still burning and still the sole source lighting theirs naked, messy, entangled bodies. They're not done yet, Sougo won't let him leave without being exhausted himself. Straddling him, unashamed, he tightens his grip when a surprising thought passes through his mind and he wants to know, "Tell me your first time."

The other tenses, "No". But he doesn't care and glares and Hijikata persists, "You don't want to know."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to tell you."

"Fukuchou has dirty secrets?"

Hijikata glares too, intensely. _This is gonna be interesting_. "If I tell you, will you shut your mouth?"

Okita only stares down smugly and the bastard sighs, still tensed. "During my apprentice…in the storage room. He'd finally got his old lady out of the way and managed to grab me there..." He snorts, tilting his head on the side. Apparently the memory comes back fully and for an instant he stops, but then his eyes fall back into his own, "I was fighting too much...he couldn't do it properly-" Sougo unconsciously releases his grip, his own skin stiff, but the Vice-Commander eyes are unflinching, "-and he released himself on my leg…like a dog."

He doesn't know what to say or do or think, except maybe kissing him and it's stupid because that's surely the last thing Hijikata would like him to do, _now_. The other adds mockingly, "I kicked him in the balls and ran away the same night, my brother never asked...I wouldn't have told him anyway." Sougo sits up slowly and knows his face must reflect something that prompts Hijikata to continues more softly, "At least bushidō has rules…maybe that's why I love them so much."

They silently share an understanding, something they can almost grasp with their own hands, but it's gone as soon as it came and reality grounds them again and again.

He is the first to talk, "Did it hurt?" The blue eyes widen, surprised, and Sougo can't suppress a devilish grin, "When you kicked him in the balls?"

Hijikata half smiles, "Of course it did...now do what you want but shut the fuck up".

And he does, kissing him and the Vice-Commander doesn't tense anymore or reject the gesture. And Okita almost dares to tell him what's on his mind right now, while his lips burn against him. Almost... but he doesn't.

**_o-o-o_**

_Hijikata_

In that semi drowsiness Hijikata knows the cell phone is ringing for some times now, but he feels good and rested and only wants to sleep. But it's impossible and the warm body spread on his back shifts too. He reaches blindly, his hands grabbing a recognizable material and he searches his pockets. The noise harasses his ears when he finally pulls it out and he knows Sougo is definitively awake.

"Wha' d'you want?...what...no...no taxi...NO! Comin'..." He lays his head again on the soft duvet and almost falls asleep again.

"Kondo-san...drunk again?"

"...Hmm..."

Hair tickles his shoulder and Sougo's head moves, "Is that a yes?"

_Fucking Gorilla._ "...Yeah."

"Hijikata-saaan...get up you lazy man, you're slacking your job again…resign already, it's emb-"

"OI! I swear...if you don't shut it already I'll strangle you."

"Really? Ok, let's do it."

He shifts enough to face the tousled hair, the dried blood on his cheeks and the very awake brown-red eyes. Sougo clarifies, "I read something about erotic asphyxiation...seems interesting."

His voice is such matter-of-fact like that Hijikata needs to blink a few times, not processing everything, and the other patiently waits until his brain works again, "Wha ?…wait…don't come near my neck…ever."

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Fukuchou_

Things haven't changed. Attempted murders, Hijikata yelling and Okita counting sheep.

The very next morning of their 'talk'…or more exactly their depraved and yet intimate night, he knows he doesn't want to open himself like that anymore and when he catches Sougo's regard he is relieved to see the other doesn't want it either. Hijikata still chooses to believe that when the sex thing will fade, they'll go back exactly like before. And he knows, without a doubt, that this is nonsensical in every possible way.

And the sex thing doesn't seem to go anywhere.

And he doesn't know how Sougo manages…with the guilt. They never talk or share anything and even the damn sex is only occasional. He himself deals with it with his own messed up reasoning and mixed up feelings, something that includes both siblings and memories for the better and worse...

"I never asked for a threesome with Yamazaki shitty poesy."

It's midday, the doors are wide opened and the barracks are crowded. Of course Okita would go for that, "SHUT UP!" He throws a pile of papers at the brat's head, stupidly hidden behind the creepy sleeping mask, "I'm working".

"Shut up, I'm resting."

"One day you're going to choke on your own blood with a knife through your throat, Okita."

"Go jump off a cliff and die, Hijibaka."

He doesn't look at him once, his voice is placid but with a hint of curiosity, "I heard you trained with Tetsu last night."

"…Hmm…He asked me...wants to get ready for our next raid."

"How much d'you damage him?"

"Oi...Don't get your hopes up, I'm not doing this for him…he asked that's all and Sasaki nīchan is a confirmed prick, whatever to get under his skin works for me."

And Hijikata can't help a sneer at the mention of the elite shit. After a kick or two Okita finally gets up and the Vice-Commander throws him the car keys, then, like every never-changing habits within the Shinsengumi, the brat's exit is thoroughly predictable...

"Die, Hijikata."

_****__-O-O-O-O-_

_Aneue...I am a despicable man...Aneue...I've killed again, she died smiling..._


	15. White and Red

**_-Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki_**

* * *

**Chapter 15: White and Red**

* * *

_Hijikata_

The streets were deserted, the city had been evacuated or people just holed themselves waiting the pending battle to end. But the distant sound was deafening and oppressive in this place usually full of life. It was like a ghost town, a city of pleasure reduced to the smell of death with indestructible Amantos ravaging everything in the distance, or almost.

The bastard had made him run so far and was playing with his nerves. The Kiheitai didn't have back up except the those two Yatos, it didn't make sense other than being a trap, that was all. They were trapped.

A noise, Hijikata slammed himself against a wall and walked slowly glued to it, his injury made his hand shake. And the sword too.

Takasugi and his crew had all disappeared as soon as the building collapsed. Hijikata ran after him without looking back, jumping from the roof to the balcony and drowning into the darkness. When he fell on the ground he finally glanced to see the Hyakkas and Okita chasing after the Yorozuya, then he got up and ran in the other direction, feeling dread washing over him as they had tricked even the silver ronin…

**_o-o-o_**

_Okita_

_Fast, too fast…I can't_

"Taichou!" He saw Yamazaki throwing his sword and caught it quickly, but two swords were not enough…his head was pounding…_too fast_…with only one arm, one hand he was crushing the three of them... and blocking the way.

That was the obstacle, he didn't let them pass. While China girl, or whatever it was… a thing with bloodshot eyes and _that_ strength… was getting beat up and Danna was unconscious… that lazy bastard napping among dead women. The two Yatos had knocked him right from the start, although he still couldn't figure why the orange haired one hadn't kill him yet…unless he just wanted to rip _her_ apart.

Okita glanced at the mechanic arm laying on the destroyed roof…the only thing _he_ could rip off…then a punch met his jaw and pain and weightlessness…he crashed against the tiles.

The Yato placed his umbrella on his shoulder, while Tsukuyo and Megane stood before him, waiting for him to pick himself up.

"That looks oddly familiar...Samurais are just too stubborn."

He did, shrugging of the pain behind his head. "You're giving us...troubles."

"You're giving me amusement."

The first time ever he knew he couldn't...he knew he would die. _Fuck that_... Okita charged again.

**_o-o-o_**

"I'm not after you…move!"

But the Hitokiri didn't and Hijikata charged, with his sword hand shaking from the bullet and from rage. He used his foot and the rest of his body to balance his disadvantage, but still struggled against Banzai. If Hijikata ever went through alive from that fight, Takasugi would kill him for sure… No, he wouldn't let that happen. He hit harder, natural strength was his best and most reliable asset even if he couldn't bring it all. No matter, the Oni no Fukuchou stroke right in front of him…

**_ o-o-o_**

"I don't want to kill you but you let me no other choice… be grateful it's me and not my Taichou, we're just the distraction here."

Abuto pushed and Okita felt his skin crack, pierced by a hand passing near the bones without breaking… and pain... he yelled, or tried…his throat had given up…

**_o-o-o_**

"ELISABETH! TIME TO BOMB THE AMANTOS!"

_'Katsura-san…look over there!'_

Zura stared at the space through the open roof of Yoshiwara… helicopters… and…

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE? WHEN IT'S TIME FOR US TO SHINE…FINALLY…ALONGSIDE GINTOKI AND LEADER!"

_'I think they stole our thunder! Let's leave the bombing to them...Katsura-san...are you reading to me?!_

**_o-o-o_**

Banzai had to rest on one knee, blood spilling from his side, while Hijikata was trying to catch his breath. _Do it now_. He raised his blade... and suddenly an explosion broke in the sky...and he knew Yamazaki had done his job...if the old geezer had said yes, surely he didn't mind dealing with officials shitheads..._Later_.

Gunfire. He threw himself on the floor...the blond girl shot again and more bullets flew...and the Hitokiri was gone.

A hand yanked him harshly behind a wall and his wound woke again. "Takasugi is gone...if you think he is waiting in the dark to fight you fair and square...forget it." _Katsura_. "I saved you before, don't forget that...Sometimes it's best to withdraw, that's how I kept myself alive and free since all those years."

The terrorist released him and walked away. Hijikata turned to the other side, watching as fire shots rained over there...where the others still were fighting. "Shinsengumi!" Reflex made him tighten his grip around the hilt and face the outlaw again. "Strange things just keep adding up recently."

"Like what?"

The long-haired man narrowed his stare, "Like how your blunder allowed me to escape few months ago."

"It wasn't _my_ blunder."

"As I said, strange things happening."

Now wasn't the time but the Vice-Commander knew this was something he had to think about, carefully. "Oi…one day…" Hijikata didn't finish, maybe it was true and that samurai saved his life, "…Until then…"

Katsura nodded, "Until then" And disappeared.

Then Hijikata walked back as fast as he could in the direction of the collapsed building, hoping he wouldn't see any death.

**_o-o-o_**

_Sougo_

Still alone, no souls around, he pressed his hand hard against his thigh. Noise, terrible noise. _What the hell?_ Gunshot and bombs had just erupted. He tried to see pass his blurred vision…helicopters and more fire and powder smell. Familiar smell.

_Damn Gorilla._

Okita had fallen from the roof and dragged himself so far. And now he was sinking on himself, no more strength in his wrist and the blade slipped and fell in a metallic sound. He grabbed it again but couldn't move further. _Damn Gorilla._

"You're going to die."

If he could he would've turned his head quickly but he only managed to nod. He still pulled himself together and tried to get up, she went to help him. "Come closer…I…cut you throat…"

She remained still and her skin was so pale he thought she was a spirit from the stories, a fairy. _Aneue, I found one…_ He couldn't anymore and fell again.

"I didn't want that. The kids and…all of this."

_Shut up._ "I'm…no kid..."

When she knelt beside him, this time he didn't have the strength to pull her away. "It's all my fault." The voice was awfully calm. He wanted her to fuck the hell off and leave him alone, but she kept talking and his thigh was tearing itself apart, breaking before his eyes, or so must be. How long before he would passed out from pain?

"If you die it'll be my fault."

Another explosion, far away. He just wanted her to shut up, simply, because his head couldn't take it. He had never killed a woman before. Her voice became softer, "I hate that city."

His sword's hand clutched harder, "Go away..." Blood spilled from his thigh and mouth too, he noticed only because he couldn't speak correctly, "...I. Kill. You."

She was staring, emotionless and pale, no… white. "The others already spared my life…" She raised his blade to her "You are bushi-" but he still held it firmly "and…so young…" he wouldn't let her kill him easily, "At least if you die, it won't be in vain-" she smiled "-you caught the culprit."

Before he could react, move or even breathe, Masami had impaled herself on his sword. Or stabbed. He didn't know, couldn't look and her body fell on him. Still trembling, warm, wet and red. Not dead yet.

Sougo still couldn't move and when she stopped trembling his body started shaking… _There's no way… _He pushed the dead weight off him, crawled away pulling out his stained blade. Then he grabbed the wall, scratching his palm and forehand in the process, and walked.

He heard voices in the distance, doors slamming, people shouting. _I won't die here. _He was still shaking._ There's no way I'm dying here._

_Aneue…I…_

**_o-o-o_**

_Toshiro_

When Hijikata approached, people were gathering around her lifeless body. Whatever happened, it was still a gruesome death to witness, drenched in blood and hands cut deep. He remembered the night they silently drank alcohol, how she had appeased him, and spontaneously he nearly reached to push away the hair masking her pretty face. But that was when he noticed the blood and he knew, somehow instinct told him, that he only had to follow the blood to find him.

Hijikata closed the distance, the injury was serious but his brain only processed two things: Sougo was alive and her hands had deep cuts on them. He didn't kill her.

Then he saw the red puddle, the bloodied thigh, the bones were visible but not broken, and he heard the strained, difficult respiration. Something that would make Kondo-san worry, no doubt… Hijikata came closer, maybe he was wrong and actually watching a dead body? Maybe they were both dead? The head moved slightly and Hijikata realized he still had that muscle in his chest fighting to exist… and a reason to speak.

"They're coming."

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Yamazaki_

**Special report : Mimawarigumi arrests terrorists and prevents a bombing attack on civilians! Shinsengumi nowhere to be seen!**

_"…and what about your Shinsengumi colleagues, surprisingly, and if we were to be critical, even shockingly absent during the whole operation?"_

_"I deeply admire Shinsengumi 'elite' organization, it is an inspiration for us all, as you can see our uniform were influenced by their indefinable sense of 'fashion'. We can't measure up to their efficacy and their dedication to make Edo and its citizens safe."_

_"But you arrested these awful and dangerous terrorists by yourselves, even if the Mimawarigumi has lesser members than the 'concurrence', so to speak. And the secret operation took place while there have been reports of Shinsengumi mingling with the crime organization, Yoshiwara specifically, and a shady prostitution ring involving high ranking police officers. Could that scandal lead to a possible change in the balance of power within the police forces, Sasaki Kyokuchou?"_

_"Spreading rumors without proofs is quite disrespectful, Ketsuno-dono. Shinsengumi organization is stronger than you may believe…and its reputation is…intac-"_

**SMASH!**

"How many times are they gonna put that interview on?"

"Maybe it's a loop?" As soon as the words leave his throat Fukuchou shots him _the_ glare. _SHUT UP SAGARU!_ He concentrates his eyes on the smoking television.

The man is angry and nervous which, as a side effect, makes him nervous and worried. Hopefully they won't bump into the sadist mad man because that would be just even more terrible, given the fact that since four days now, each time those two share the same space the temperature drops dramatically and people almost freeze to death or fear because… they just ignore each other, something that is completely… unnatural and weird. He checks around quickly, no one… that means he's alone with… him. Which means he'll surely be send on a mission because that's what years and years of dealing with highly dangerous superiors have instilled into him: reading between the lines.

"Oi…Yamazaki…d'you heard that? How strange…the 'elites' got that juicy stuff while we were busy down there…and Shinsengumi gets the bad reputation again."

_Oh nooo!_ _That voice is clearly PISSED, like massively_, "Err…D'you think it's related?"

_Wrong question._ Fukuchou is glaring and smoking and glaring and… "Of course it's related! Coincidences like that just don't happen, weren't you there when they screwed up with Katsura!"

"But th…that can't…be!" _He can't possibly think th-_

"Don't worry, those elite shits probably just took advantage, nothing more-" _That fake smile and…WHAT! Fukuchou isn't insinuating what I think he's insinuating, because that means…that means_ "-we wouldn't dare to suggest that an 'elite' police force may have its neck deep into dirty business with the Joui punks, now do we?"

_He is_. "N…No."

"Good…because spreading rumors without proofs is quite disrespectful, we better keep our mouths shut. You and me, get it?"

"Yes, Fukuchou." And the Oni no Fukuchou hidden words are exactly what Yamazaki fears they are. Yes he has to keep his mouth shut but 'without proofs' always, always means 'find them'.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Swordsman Genius_

The footsteps are closing in and then stop, waiting. Whoever is disturbing his nap must be suicidal or mentally ill.

"Yo! Bro…what'up?"

Okita pulls his mask up: a suicidal piggy Sasaki moron is standing in front of him, chewing… something illegal. "I'm not your bro…move or die." He pulls the mask back and counts Sasaki pigs, dead pigs.

"Whoa…cool down maan…I heard ya're kinda sort of da boy wonder aroun' here, so came check if tha' tale's true…" Chewing, chewing.

_You will if you di…shit, forget that…'don't touch the kid Sougo, that might be trouble for us'._

"Kondo-san is too kind."

But Piggy's still here and he asks because that may drive him away, hopefully. "Aren't you supposed to...work?" It dawns on him, but only for a nanosecond, that he's supposed to do the same.

"Toshi's busy with grandpa…Matsu-thing…so I'm off da hook…kinda feel tha' old man got hot blood in his veins…tha' gun of his…whoa, that's some serious shit…ya feel me?"

His chest tightens, "And how it's going, work with mayorin wonder?"

"Not bad…yeah not bad at all…Toshi's da one who told me ya waz da genius here…so it got me cur…hey wait, where are you going…hey?"

_Day screwed. Congratulations. You asked for it_. Sougo doesn't want to hear about that and, as he leaves, ignores the 'Yo bros' calling after him. And he needs to do something before it starts and as he's supposed to teach kenjutsu right now anyway he heads directly to the dojo... but too late… and… headache. _Fucking bastard._

Since Yoshiwara things have been downhill pitiful to utter shit and now he doesn't even have the strength to undertake that sort of breaking down of his body. It's worse than his injury, because at least recovery had been a distraction. Damn memories and damn woman, and piling on it lay the greatest irony of all that mess. Having taunted the bastard, blamed him for stains on a blade and the ghost of a traitor, only to end up here himself… losing sleep over _her_ dead body.

Why smiling women kept dying in his arms? And why isn't he visiting male brothels anyway? And why…it doesn't fucking work? Distance and indifference.

_'I hate that city'_

The headache last the whole afternoon and when he crosses path with Harada, it must have spread on his face because the man doesn't even ask an explanation for breaking that stupid rule. And Harada stares even more when he simply thanks him. Moron. Next, Gorilla's medicine stash and his futon.

He's done not sleeping his full.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Hitokiri_

"You didn't kill him, why? Could it be…your interest was picked too?"

"I don't care about 'music', you should know that. And their fall is up to someone else."

"I think they fascinate you just as well."

Shinsuke stopped playing, for someone who didn't care, music seemed to fill all his spare time. "Not really…but skilled samurais are always worth to look at, even if they'll die like dogs in the end…I guess we were lucky, now that I think about it, if Itou and that man had worked it out, it might have been even more difficult." And music filled the boat again. "But they didn't…and that'll be their downfall eventually."

Banzai waited until the song ended, tradition had to be respected. "Is this man really trustworthy? It's not in your habits to pack with sold-outs."

"Sasaki is not like Itou…he wants to destroy just like me. And as long as we share that view, I'll trust him."

"What about Katsura and the Shiroy-"

"Banzai…Nizou once presumed something about me and them. And he died the same day." The voice was icy. Always the same reaction, Shinsuke was almost predictable in his…'outbursts'. "You've always been smarter than him so don't presume false things yourself. As long as the dogs are busy purchasing that fool Zura…I won't be their sol target, that's the reason I didn't kill him either…if that was your question."

He knew it was his dismissal, even if Takasugi never answered about the Shiroyasha. One day that man would have to face whatever ghosts he was trying to avoid and it involved those two men he tried so hard to hate. He stood up.

"The whore...I heard she cut herself."

Banzai turned once more, actually surprised by what he just heard, "Who told you that?"

"The old witch, before disappearing with the money." Shinsuke was looking at the night sky, starless and intimidating, "A whore who has more honor than a Shogun...Why am I still surprised?"


	16. Shudō is Worth Changing the Rules

_**Gintama= Sorachi**_

* * *

**Chapter 16 : ****Shudō** **i****s worth changing the rules…mostly the stupid ones**

* * *

_Toshiro_

Sasaki's bullet has left a stinging pain. And something to think about.

He has a new enemy.

Maybe it's the letter, wordless as always, or the memories of his brother, his friends and...love. Either way, he feels the heaviness of his heart in his chest and counts on alcohol to do the healing for tonight, or perhaps...

"Toshi."

Shoulder reposing against the shoji, one leg lying comfortably on the engawa he looks over to the smiling Kondo and takes the offered Sake. "Kondo-san, I have something to tell you." He drinks. And speaking for himself as much as for his friend, he says what he should've have said from the start. "After Itou died…when I killed him…even with the curse broken… I wanted… I felt…"

Voicing it for the first time, his nerves need encouragement and he drinks again, Kondo stays silent although he knows he is closely watching him. "I lost myself…I was truly, truly lost…for quite some times actually…to the point I hated it, something I thought would never happen. And I wanted to quit…not the Shinsengumi but-"

"You believe I never think of quitting myself?" He looks up, Kondo Isao, eyes shining and strong shoulders, looks very much like the young man who saved his life and future all those years ago. "I wouldn't let you deal with all those papers if I didn't! Haha."

Responsibility, no burden, he couldn't stand it anymore. "That's not it, I w-"

"Stop."

And the Commander's voice is determined. "I know how you feel…no, actually I don't. You've always had a more complex mind that I will ever have…but, if you worry about something like that, you shouldn't…It's not as if we didn't notice-" He tenses, _they did notice_. "-but if I were to ask every single man in this organization, each one would say the same thing: You're married to the job, Toshi. Nothing will change that and no one doubts your commitment."

Kondo's view on life changing events or life itself has always been simple, yet often right. "I'm not sure that's a compliment."

"Hahaha! I mean that…look at you, you can't even keep that sort of things to yourself, right?" It pains him that he actually _can_ keep things, important things to himself, more than Kondo and the others will ever know, "Tch…I still waited almost a year to tell you."

"True. But you always say things and act, how to say…the other way…yeah, that's what you do!"

_Not always._ "I'm that easily readable?" And Kondo's voice is sharp, "Don't worry about that either, there's always some part of you even _I_ will never know…you're quite a secret person...like Sougo."

His heart skips a beat. And for a second he is certain that he knows. But when he bores his eyes into the Commander's he sees that no, that man doesn't and probably doesn't even suspect. And guilt, that awful guilt emerges again, twisting his guts. He looks away, "Maybe." And Kondo is right again, even if he doesn't know…

But there is no sensible reason thinking about that, not now. "Oi…why are we celebrating…fucking elite scums got all the glory after all?"

"Who cares…_we_ got the nasty stains…Haha…hahaha…"

And Kondo-san keeps laughing, his guilelessness and cheerfulness rendering every single dark thought futile, just like that. And Hijikata wishes from the bottom of his heart he could have the same carefree spirit. Even if it's only for one night.

**_o-o-o_**

Head calmly resting thanks to the effect of alcohol he lets his eyelids shut, but not for too long, his well-trained instincts urge him to move quickly, dodging the blade that pierces the washi.

_Sick bastard._

He shakes his head, "Each time…you're redefining the word 'unstable'."

Okita closes the door quietly, he approaches and then hammers his sword between Hijikata legs. With that uniform and the deadly red glare the Vice-Commander can picture for a minute why people call them dogs, enraged dogs, and this is not the 'welcome home' he wants to deal with.

The wild animal speaks, "You're drunk?"

Unfortunately Gorilla has forbidden him to intoxicate himself any further and the moron took the bottle with him. He leans his head back on the door, "Not enough."

"What you're gonna do?"

Hijikata glances up, "I'm not following."

"About Danna."

_Fucking brat. _Of course he would stick his nose into that. While he was at the hospital Tetsu had pleaded the Shiroyasha's cause well enough and Gorilla released him the morning after. He couldn't do a thing about that and it doesn't matter anyway, as he would have done the same. But of course, now, he has to do something, the silver ronin has still too many secrets. He sighs, "I haven't thought about it…yet."

"He's reformed."

"I know that."

They glare, none of them willing to surrender. But something happens and they reach a silent agreement when both bodies relax simultaneously. And his drunken brain wonders how, how on earth, did that happen, how did they become so close to do that? Putting the sword aside, Okita sits and his hand comes to travel lightly on the collar of his yukata. Hijikata missed that anticipation and the young man too, with that young face slightly tilted, even the voice filled with smugness. "You look like shit, Hijikata-san…want me to put out of your misery?"

Hijikata yearns to kiss him now and does it, pushing them on the floor, already searching for buttons to undo. But something is off, Sougo stiffs under his touch and Hijikata stops, annoyed, "If you've got something to say, say it."

The face is more blank than usual, his body motionless, "That night…you could've killed me if you wanted."

He tries to think past his growing frustration and the warmth coming from beneath him. Sougo smells good, he should always smell like that, but sadist mode it is. Hijikata shows his palm, "_You_ cut me."

"Not that night…the first one."

He frowns..._What the.._.He remembers of course, but does it means the brat has been chewing over this for months? His understanding must be reflecting on his face because Sougo's eyes narrow too. And that's it. That over-sized swordsman genius ego can't take it! That's why Okita smeared his own weakness in his face, Itou's death and what goes with it.

But Hijikata doesn't want to go through this tonight, "I doubt it."

The crimson eyes shot him a raging glare, "I'm telling it like it is…you could've killed me."

And it's true, Okita had completely let his guard down that night, something that never happens. "Why are you telling me this?"

No answer. Instead Sougo raises his head and his lips brush Hijikata's neck, then continues to the collarbone and when he reaches the ear, a small whisper makes his skin shudder, "You smell of sake." A hand brushes the front of his obi and Hijikata's mind connects once more to that burning, stupid desire.

**_o-o-o_**

_Sougo_

Hijikata undresses him, jacket flying, shirt almost torn. He wants to untie his scarf but hands shove him away and determined blue eyes challenge him to try again. He doesn't. It's enough to see the other reduced to that state, and under his grip, as the yukata barely hide the full erection. And it's arousing too, not doing anything, just watching. After tugging sharply on the belt and throwing it away, his hand squeezes lower, making him react instantly. Maybe he should be quieter, men could pass nearby and he likes this secrecy. Not because he is ashamed but because secrecy his part of all this, existing.

Pants gone too, soon he's naked and the black haired samurai stares and stares…without touching. _That bastard_, he slowly unties the obi and lets it slip. Sougo stands but again a violent push and his back is pinned on the floor again. Only moments later and he can feel warm lips on his inner thigh and wetness, licking and kissing. He reaches to slip his hand through the smooth hair and wonders again why he hadn't done it the first time. The night he was scared. And how ridiculous that sounds now that he knows what Hijikata must have felt during _his_ first time. The mouth is sucking, taking it all and it's soft and rough too and so damn wet, his whole body exhales relief…

"Stop!"

He feels the lips tensing, Hijitaka releases him, a furious look on his godlike features. Sougo grabs his neck harshly and crashes their lips together. He has enough playing the passive one, or perhaps not, but he wants this too. Kissing him everywhere he wants his favorite part, the right nipple with a discreet beauty spot just few millimeters away. Then he goes down, knowing he's not tender, whatever. He wants to taste too. And it's…like he remembers and more. The sensation is still foreign and awkward but strangely satisfying. How it grows at the touch, how it's alive, so much alive you can do so many things simply with a tongue and how the entire body reacts to it.

And the voice too. "Do you have one?"

Instant later, when Hijikata enters it's easy and…natural. Raising the legs up just enough, now that they know how and what they want, he observes the man's face and his hips waving. He's mostly watching there, fascinated, feeling it in him, acutely, as it moves deeper and hit that spot that is painful and ecstatic.

**_o-o-o_**

_Toshiro_

He thrusts deeper, all muscles tensing. He needs to let go but wants even more to prolong this, as long as he physically can. Hands tighten around the waist his eyes taking in the sweat on Sougo skin, the same sweat he feels against his palms. He let one hand explore there, on the chest, just below the ribs, caressing near the armpit and the waist again. It's slick and moist and more thrusting as Sougo thighs slide and tighten against him. When their eyes meet again he grabs the hips and pushes harder, and the eyes burn. His searching hand rests on the erected member, his palm encircling it and another hand join him. He can read on the delicate face a renewed pleasure as they move them together, lips parted, cheeks redden, eyelids heavy and that bushi hand setting the pace. And a distant gaze, as if Sougo is within him and far away at the same time. It won't last long now, it's too overwhelming and when Sougo's body tenses up and reaches his orgasm with a muffled moan, when their hands are drowned by the white substance, he let go too.

He shouldn't be this close, his forehead brushing the cheek, arm on the stomach trying to compose his breathing. He moves to catch his yukata and then wipes his hand on it. The other chuckles, of course that brat enjoys mocking his stupid habits, but then he takes his hand firmly and runs the half wet fingers on his dried mouth. Hijikata looks up as the lips part.

"You're sick."

Sougo doesn't seem to care and sucks gently, one by one, and slowly too. With glowing cheeks and sweat droplets on his temples. That view is tenderly and sadly erotic. Perhaps the sad part is how their Shinsengumi life has doomed them from the start, excluding tenderness to ever have its rightful place. And yet, here and now is the real thing and Hijikata is getting used to it, so why does he feel sad? He curses himself, a samurai shouldn't wander into human psyche.

He shoves the hand away and kisses him again, rolls them until Sougo lays on him. The warmth entrapping everything, their tongues eager, even viciously fighting. Aren't they spent by now? His fingers caress along the back, tracing the shoulders, the hips, along the spine to the backside. Sougo breaks the kiss and stares with his burning irises, red or brown or black, Hijikata can't decide. He slides one just at the entrance. They still can do this. Stroking lightly, just enough to prolong the coitus or start a new one. Sougo bits his own lips and closes his eyes, but his hand reaches his face and that gesture snap them open. He needs to see, and holds the jaw so he can observe him closely, to see every single sign of lascivious emotions. The more he caresses the more Sougo move his hips, rubbing their members against each other. They do this until they can't anymore.

**_o-o-o_**

_Sougo_

_Not fair._

Nothing's fair, how his chest tightens when he feels the other's breath on his skin, how his guts clench when that man kisses his wrist or his knee, how those kisses tickle, how those not-sapphire not-grey eyes watch his body, how Sougo wants more and…

"Where did you get this?"

And how Hijikata is a coward and a liar too… He looks at the scar his lover is touching, "I don't know…the Yato probably."

"It's recent."

No way has that man done it again, the unrestrained sex, while thinking of someone else. Certainly not her. Hijikata is too much a samurai to do something as low and even if Okita can't stand it, that's the plain truth. "Like I said…China girl."

Hijikata lies down next to him and rest his arm on his forehead, "She's really training you, isn't she?"

"I think she wants my head to be chopped off." He misses the touch and the kisses already. _Not fair and stupid._

"I want that too."

Must be the law of physics or just flexibility, to explain how much their bodies are almost perfectly matched. _Unfair again._ Maybe when he'll have more partners and experience all of this will falter? The thing is, he doesn't want to and giving the fact that he has finally sworn to never pay for sex…_Stupid woman_.

They stay like this for a long time, not talking, not sleeping. Waiting for nature to do its job and allow them to do it again, maybe they could even do that until dawn, for once. He turns his head and, after watching the well-defined and marble like profile endlessly, he moves to capture the lips. But Hijikata slightly moves, his blue eyes challenging.

"Use your imagination."

Sougo stops, eyes widening and heart aching. How is it possible to hate and love with the same passion? He sits, his gaze searching something to read on the other's face and suddenly he stands, but firm hands hold him back and Hijikata smirks slightly, "No rope…no chain…no handcuffs…" he almost whispers, "Nothing."

_Bastard_.

No matter how much Okita is more talented, skilled and quick, Hijitaka is the strongest. And he knows exactly what he's doing and asking, to him no less. He quickly decides and tries, hands closing around the neck, but he's countered almost immediately. "Not that! Twisted fuck."

Then he touches the spot he wishes to be his, his favorite, or just below very close to the brown, almost black point. He leans, kisses the nipple chastely and brushes past it…here. He bits, hard. And the body reacts violently, the man swallowing a curse. He bits as long as it pleases him…until the other yanks his head away. It bleeds, licking his lips Okita raises his head, Hijikata looks pissed and aroused and something else. Something that...

"Turn around."

The hated man complies and Sougo grabs his arm and twists it, or tries mostly. _Not fair_. The more the other resists the more he wants it and he's already hard enough. Now lying on the muscled back, against the firm backside, grabbing the wrists over his head and pinning him for good, he does what wants. But he still loses. As soon as he enters his grip loosens and while he starts moving, he definitively forgets inflicting pain or humiliation…_maybe the next time_.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

"You changed it."

Shitty day today, he's trapped with Fukuchou for the whole patrolling tour… so no slacking or napping in perspective, because Hijikata never slacks while on duty, sexual advances to no avail. They walk side by side on the pavement while the demonic glare keeps glancing from time to time to the other side of the road.

"What?" His irritated voice clearly means Hijikata won't welcome any disturbance right now. Although Sougo disagree, "Kyokuchou Hatto...about Shudō."

Nothing for a few seconds and then, "I did."

They can see the now familiar white uniforms everywhere in the neighborhood. "You did. So you won't have to commit seppuku if your secret is out." But Hijikata barely pays him attention as they pass near the Palace, too busy spying on the elites. "No. It was a stupid rule, that's all."

Sougo agrees, but he'd die million deaths before ever admitting Hijikata had actually done something useful as the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander.

"Say Hijikata-san, when are you gonna tell Gorilla that Sasaki and Takasugi are playing together?"

Of course the bastard snaps and actually stops in his track for a while, giving his best 'I'm gonna kill' or 'I'm gonna hit to a pulp Zaki' glare. And that alone makes up for the lack of napping.


	17. Perspective

_**Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki**_

* * *

**Chapter 17: Perspective**

* * *

_Masami_

She was walking in hurry, slightly trembling, because the old hag always made her skin crawl. How many decrepit women like her lived in this crammed city, she did not know. When their paths parted she was relieved, only throwing a last glance in her direction, but the woman had already disappeared like a malevolent, ominous spirit as if death was prowling around her.

She tried to banish from her mind these morbid thoughts, unfortunately they were more and more present now due to her many lies. She wondered once more if that choice was the right. The Kiheitai promised divine retribution upon Housen's 'work' and the city of debauchery, but how would they fulfill their plans without collateral damages?

She was a hypocrite.

This was the conclusion to which she came in the brothel room, under the scrutiny of the old prostitute. Of course there would be dead, and not only the depraved, rich old men. But it was too late for regrets or to stop everything, nothing could stop them and she would suffer the consequences. She already had made her peace with the idea of destroying her friendship with Hinowa and the others.

"You look lost...Kiku-chan."

She jumped, _that voice_. Turning suddenly, her eyes fell on the strange silver hair, so unusual that it made this man almost inhuman. He smiled and for an instant she knew what Tsukuyo saw in him. But she was also afraid of the man who had killed the King of the Night.

"I have a question." He walked slowly to her, his wooden sword resting on his shoulder. "Do you have any idea of what you started?"

She hesitated for a split second, it was too late for regrets, dying by his hands seemed less worse than a life of prostitution or misery.

"Yes."

He scratched his head with an annoyed air, "Mah...women are so-" He looked at her intently, "-pretty."

Her body froze, there was no malice or lust in his eyes, he had only said what went through his mind.

"You're not going to kill me?

"Why? Such a beautiful woman...it would be a shame!"

She did not know what to say and remained silent, he still kept smiling but the eyes were determined. "Good people risk their lives in this mess-" She blushed, thinking of that other man... _good people... _and unfortunate circumstances. "We'll have a little chat and then...I'll let you go. Of course, you'll never set foot here ever again or the kunai freak is gonna cut you in four."

She stared, trying desperately to see through him_. _

_This man is...special... B__ut I don't want his mercy._

_****__oooo_

_Shiroyasha_

"...san..."

Fog again and pain… sharp… on the back, behind the head… pain and screams…

"...in-san..."

_Shinpachi… too early… let me sleep you damn virgin Megane… pain…_

"GIN-SAN!"

He should've remembered that opening one's eyes could be so excruciatingly hurtful, it seemed senses were linked somehow and the boy's voice grew louder when he attempt to focus his glare and then…

_Oh…_

Anger and rage and blood blazing, racing to his heart, ready to explode. He saw past his harmed companion and that sight gave him the strength to stand up without help.

Abuto against the Moon and the Sadist.

"Gin-san…Ka…Kagura…"

He snapped, finally picking up the pieces.

Then, another blow echoed around them and raising his eyes he watched the two red-headed fools. He took his bokken and ran…

**_oooo_**

_Tsukki_

Shinpachi had managed to slip through his fingers, a small victory in that disaster, but it was almost like the man didn't care. She was distraught by the idea of another fight against them, useless, as they couldn't have the upper hand… it was impossible, they weren't like Housen either.

And she refused to let any more of her friend dying…

The Shinsengumi boy tried once more, as exhausted as her but resilient and too bold. She saw it immediately and launched her remaining kunais, the Yato lifted his arm and took the blow, slightly wincing. The split second diversion was enough for the other to lacerate his chest.

But in vain, and the Yato transpierced the boy's thigh with his bare hand.

"I don't want to kill you but you let me no other choice… be grateful it's me and not my Taichou... we're just the distraction here."

The Shinsengumi didn't even shout and then the other pushed him over the roof. She ran, maybe hoping to catch him but the Yato faced her again. She gritted her teeth, ready to be next.

But he only lowered his umbrella to the tiles, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill you either."

**_oooo_**

_Yato_

The sky could crack open and swallow them, the ground could bury them in his fire and the rest of the world could drown in the ocean of blood they both created.

Nothing else mattered but blood and power.

The blazing speed of each attack, a fist in the jaw, another in the chest. Clinging, clawing, killing each other.

_Kagura…Kagura-chan..._

A wind whistled in her ear, no a noise...

_KAGURA! KAGURA!_

And arms that encircled her waist, but not strong enough to retain her, she pushed him aside violently, scanning the sky for her prey or her hunter... either way, it's death. She saw him, laughing hideously and crazy, as it may be. They were ready and suddenly...

Again, the strong arms holding her. This time she would kill the nuisance...

"Kagura... stop."

It was a whisper and it was Gin-chan, she felt the tears coming.

An explosion in the sky and Kamui disappeared.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Gintoki_

"So this is it...harassment?"

The bar was already infested with drunk guys, loudmouthed assholes, cheap booze and cheap smoke smell. And now...him.

"I think you're a former Joui-" He exhaled his toxin lengthily, looking absent, "I just can't fill the blanks of your messy life."

_Bastard_. But it made him laugh, "Oi...Gin-san's mess is none of your business."

He told the bartender to fill his glass and when the old man gave him a skeptical look he pointed his thumb to the Shinsengumi, apparently oblivious. After a glance at the crow, the bartender filled his glass. He shook his head in disgust. _Figures that a baka Mayora pays his debts._

"How d'you know 'em?"

The sake was not bad here, they should come more often with Hasegawa, his company was more fun than a Bakufu dog, "You look like you've been dumped."

"Katsura. Takasugi. Talk!"

"Like really, really badly...was she pretty?"

Mayora shot him a cold and hateful look, but Gintoki knew he wasn't interested in a fight at the moment, if so he would've hit him already.

"Who are those Yato guys?"

_What a pain in the ass!_ And resilient too, "Mah...try to look more convincing for a start...seems to me you're not in the mood to play the cop tonight, am I right?"

"Why the red one wants to kill you?"

He sighed bitingly, "Maybe _you_ did the dumping."

It seemed to hit a nerve, and he understood why Okita hadn't shown his face for a while. Even Kagura sort of missed theirs fights and _that_ was all sort of messed-up. He tilted his head on the side and watched the already slightly drunk man, with his severe features, but still young, his pale skin and seriousness written all over his face. In another time and other circumstances they could almost be friends... but Hijikata was too stubborn for that. Well, him too, but never mind.

The other still didn't answer and seemed to drown his dark ideas by contemplating his glass... an empty glass.

"That's what I thought." He leaned over the counter and took the bottle, filling both glasses and carefully putting it between them. "You pay."

"Bastard." He snorted, the insult wasn't very convincing and he waved his hand in midair," Yeah...yeah..."

They drank a lot and late. He knew that sooner or later Hijikata would come back and the questions would be more accurate and sharp. But not tonight. And he refrained from the usual underhanded jabs when Mayora actually pulled out his wallet to pay the bill. They visited other bars that proliferated in Kabukicho, Gintoki knew them all, and at the third he spoke, surprising even himself.

"No reason."

The other was drunk but not enough to let slip the remark, "What?"

"He has no reason…the Yato who wants to kill me. Nothin' that you or me can understand...and that's the worst."

"Wha' you're gonna do?" He knew Hijikata was watching him carefully.

"I don't know."

He didn't know. And it slowly but surely weighted him down. Not knowing and the helplessness, he was supposed to protect her, them... and he had no fucking clue how to do it except sharing his 'messy' life and holding his sword.

_Maybe it's enough? _

But that was something he didn't dare to face right now. The other stayed silent and he was almost thankful for that, tonight was a night to forget.

Tomorrow would be... different.


	18. Epilogue

**_Gintama=Sorachi _**

* * *

**Epilogue**

**Green-haired women are always right even if men don't listen to them... the first time around**

* * *

_Sadist_

The rain...

Clonk clonk clonk. Clonk... "Soooou-chaaan? "

A stifling heat... but how could he hear the cicadas if there was a downpour?

Clonk. Clonk. _Clonk._.. not the rain, the bamboo fountain...

"Sou-chan? "

He had dreamt of the rain again.

Wanting to stretch his legs he realized he had slept on the floor without blankets or futon, he rubbed his eyes. _What time? _The door slid open and his head jerked to the right, the sudden and unpleasant brightness making his eyelids squint. He distinguished only vaguely the family garden and a recognizable face, a face reflecting his. Softer and smiling, less agitated.

"Sou-chan get up, it's time you'll be late."

He grumbled a useless complaint, "A little more... please...Ane...eu..." A veil covered his sight, he fell back into limbo and the comfortable memory...the rain. With it's unique scent...

"Sougo!" The strong male voice startled him, he was almost afraid, "Get up, Mitsuba-dono has prepared lunch."

"Kondo-san?"

The tall man was smiling and standing in front of the doorway, arms crossed on his navy blue uniform, he gave him a sympathetic look, "Stand up, Fukuchou!"

Stunned, he sat, discovering with amazement he wore the same uniform but it was too over-sized for his still young body, with sleeves covering his hands and shoulder pad sliding on each side.

"Okita Sougo!" He looked up, she was there again but her face was cold, "Up."

He was unable to move, anxiety rose in him but he did not know why, Kondo peered fiercely and he felt his heart beat faster. The cold voice was heard again as his sister indicated the hidden hands, "This is what you wanted, is it not?...look closer." He shook his arms, letting the fabric slip on his forehands only to reveal the wounds.

On both palms, deep, recent cuts and... white flesh.

A splitting headache hit his brain and something else that made him tremble, still observing intensely his bruised hands he asked, "Where is the man? "

_Clonk. Clonk. Clonk._

"What man?" Kondo's voice was strange… unsettling.

Raising his eyes to face them again, the new unpleasant feeling deeply sank in his heart, mingling with anxiety already here, everywhere. A feeling of unbearable loss and unspeakable... guilt.

"There's only us here Sou-chan."

CLONK. Gasping, his eyes snap open and the wooded ceiling faces him.

Clonkclonkclonkclonkclonk. Outside the rain hammers out the tiles and he can hear the gutters being overflowed. Bringing a hand on his forehead, he feels his body shudder, sweat is covering his temples and it takes him a moment to come back fully to reality. Now awaken, he finally notices the scent and turns his head aside. His gaze falls on a slightly arched back, a line of smoke escaping from the black head.

Sitting at his desk, Hijikata doesn't seem to notice his restless state, as the light scratching of the pen against the paper reveals itself despite the thunderous noise. Hijikata and his back, how many times has he watched that view? His already dampened mood slowly gets worse at the thought, even more while remembering the unwanted dream.

"Some days I hate you so much it's unbearable."

He can't stop the bitter remark, because it's the truth. No matter what or how long, half of his heart will always do. Hijikata has stopped, his back stiffed. _What is he thinking now?_ But Sougo doesn't wait and forces his body to sit only to lean against the man, arms encircling his chest, his cheek resting on the shoulder. Watching nothing in particular and listening to the rain.

"Then why d'you still come here?"

He likes it, sensing the voice vibrate through the body rather than hearing it, it's less cold too. "Because today is not one of those days." He could almost fall asleep again, like this, maybe that position would prevent... He feels a hand covering his, Hijikata's only reply, and the pen slides again on the paper.

He chuckles, his voice slightly muffled by the dark yukata, "Why d'you put up with that shit?" The other growls under his breath, "_Someone _has to."

He smiles, "I'm not talking about your stinking poetry." But Hijikata doesn't answer, probably never will and again his rib cage threatens to burst in piece. But he isn't the sulking type and hates it when he is, that's why he stands up harshly, bumping into the other arm and...

"Ooh...that's a nice scratch."

Of course Fukuchou's already boiling, "I'm. Gonna. Kill. YOUUU!"

It has been easy after that, tricking the predictable quick-tempered man to start a combat in the dojo. At night. Alone. For sure, unwinding could be found in many ways and that's why, only ten minutes into the fight, he finds himself throwing his shinai away and jumping him, literally. Capturing his lips and grabbing his hair, he was winning anyway.

"You're mad!"_ I am, definitely_. And they stumble together, falling on the hard wooden floor. The mixture of rain, sweat, heat and semi-darkness rendering the whole thing even more exhilarating, it's a disease... how much he needs that skin.

"They can see us, stop!"

He snorts, still glued to Hijikata, "Who? Nobody comes here that late...believe me. Five year and I never met anyone."

"You train at night?" He kisses him again, not wanting to answer that one, "Come on, let's have some fun… you're waay too serious all the time it's really boriiing."

"Not here!" But he isn't listening and does everything he wants. "…Hey…wait…no wait..." And Hijikata isn't trying very hard, holding him tightly and tongue swirling. _I win._

And it's almost a whisper when they broke for air, "I'm glad we didn't do it there." The blue eyes try to understand. "Yoshiwara… in that closet." If they did, he wouldn't have been able to make love again... with him.

Hijikata kisses him near the eye and it's also a whisper, "Me too."

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Demon_

"It's Hijitaka-san!"

"Welcome back Hijikata-han, please follow me." He is nervous and it shows, averting his eyes and fidgeting awkwardly, the muffled giggles don't help either but he knows it's not malicious. "Here-" the man slides the door, the room is small and quiet, "-Sake as usual?" He nods in agreement.

Now alone he sits comfortably near the window. Soon someone calls and a young woman comes in with a bottle and one cup, meaning she won't talk uselessly and he's pleased about it, there's no point talking too much.

"Thank you for your kindness." She bows, the forehead touching the tatami.

"Tch...stop that..." She glances shyly and then prepares the futon, he notices her impatience but also her tired features and he speaks more gently, "I'm staying for the night, don't worry...you have all the time."

She relaxes immediately and plops herself under the sheets without even undressing, probably exhausted. He won't stay and probably leave just after his drink, because he never stays. But the word 'paying' isn't the one he wanted to use, one of the girls told him he shouldn't say it because he isn't a usual customer and it gives him small satisfaction, to be useful, even if it's infrequent. Few minutes later her steady respiration fills the room, she is calm in her sleep, unlike the others. It surprised him, at first, how many of them are restless sleeper. It reminds him of the men at the barracks, although none of them would admit it, many have troubled nights.

He drinks more, trying not to think of the Shinsengumi just now. Kondo and squad one are out for the whole night, patrolling around Kabukicho or elsewhere, he has made a point _not_ to look at the schedule. He sighs, it's ridiculous how hard it had been, that and with Sougo mocking him...

He snorts at the memory._ Damn brat..._

Maybe he should stay for once, tomorrow is his day off and he needs the rest too. She doesn't move when he pulls out the other futon and settles not far from her. As his eyelids shut slowly, blurring the ceiling, a light smile forms on his lips… _Women... do appease me..._

He stays and sleeps until well after dawn, well after she has left and well after the time he has paid for... but no one comes to wake him up.

**_-O-O-O-O-_**

_Bakaiser_

The shrilling noise of the megaphone rings out in the quiet neighborhood.

'OOI…PEOPLE OF EDO…SHINSENGUMI COMING THROUGH…LET'S GO GUUUYS'

**KABOOM !**

A hole in the middle of the street and no outlaws to chase anymore... all gone or arrested. _Boring!_

"Err…I don't think that's what Kyokuchou meant by 'refine our image' "

Okita flips his head on the left and acknowledges their presence. New guys. "What you're talking about? It's brand new…a 'refined' M3."

"Taichou...the balcony!..."

And indeed the thing is suspiciously still half standing. Curious, he checks his Carl Gustav closely..._ Ah! Baka, laser rangefinder's off_. He switches on, "Neh… Mimawarigumi already got all the glory…let's just do our job and protect the population."

**KABOOM !**

"I think you're just harassing them!"

'CONFISCATION OF ALL YOUR PORN...STARTING NOW'

"Did he just say that out loud?"

He sighs, they're starting to spoil his fun, "New recruits, aren't you?" He settles comfortably, one knee on the ground. The targets are shaking, he waits, it's always better when they are actually running.

"Pl...please...nooooo!"

But suddenly the scope catches something... interesting. Okita grabs the megaphone again.

'OI, YOU THERE...CHINA…GET YOUR DOG ON LEASH OR I'LL ROAST HIM WITH ITS PIGGY MASTER...OOH! THAT MEANS YOU...'

The girl pauses and then her red head jerks violently in his direction. He smirks demoniacally, _game on_.

"SADAHARU…ATTACK!"

"WOOF!"

**_o-o-o_**

_Tax Robber_

She eyes the paper shown in her face, this will not go smoothly if he pisses her off right on the get-go, "What's this?"

"A warrant."

"I see…what for?" The bar is empty except for that cat employee and her nasty glare. "Your domestic robot."

They exchange stares and smoky fogs, the old hag is certainly impressive when she wants too, "You guys have nothing better to do than bother innocent citizens, do you?"

"Obāsan, with all due respect…innocent isn't the word you want to use."

"What do you want?"

"Erase her hard drive."

"I refuse."

"Fine." Hijikata puts the handcuffs on the counter, Otose shakes her head with disdain, "My late husband was police too…times have changed."

"I guess." Still glaring he proposes the deal, "I want some information gone…definitively. And I don't give a damn about you keeping her illegally as long as it's gone."

She ponders quickly, looking at the warrant again and sneers, "You're surprisingly smart for a Shinsengumi." He tries to conceals his irritation, "Meaning?"

"Coming here…when that lazy bum is out." He stays silent and she exhales more smoke, "One condition though…and it's not negotiable. Only Gengai operates her."

_Deal_.

"Tax robber-sama don't you wish to sit?"

A headache looms over his head like a vulture, the green-haired robot is smiling and observing him with interest, scientific interest as it seems. Swallowing hard curses aimed at the Yorozuya and the whole Kabuki district, he mutters "I've already told you, don't call me that."

And the old, plump mechanic tries _not_ very hard not to laugh. He sighs, "I want all Shinsengumi related stories out and destroyed" and addressing to the man, "No funny business or I'll hunt you down myself."

"Don't worry, the less I deal with you the better."

"Fukuchou Bastard-sama, I traced back 119 clients corresponding to your demand."

Stunned, Hijikata turns again to the object of his spy's obsession, "Wha'? Who...who did you just call...OI! 119? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"This is the name that comes most frequently in those 119 data files. The physical description matches. Black hair, cold eyes, smoke: Fukuchou Bastard. "

More laughing and more frenetic smoking. _UNBELIEVABLE !_ Until an idea erupts and Hijikata knows it's a brilliant one, "Oi...you...prints everything before you erase that shit. Dates, names…everything. Fucking morons…now I have them by the balls."

He has it, his long awaited greatest weapon: years-long, or more he hopes, stronghold on the morons and…

"Oi, robot-g…uh…Girl...no...Tama-san…While you're at it, why don't you search Joui and Katsura in your hea-...computer thing."

**_o-o-o_**

_Lazy bum_

"Gin-san hurry up, we're late!"

"Late for what?"

He's trying to put on his boots quietly but Megane obviously is under the assumption that he needs some push. _What's that, world record competition? Which one is fastest... boots or sandals?_

"For what? OUR FIRST JOB SINCE...FOREVER!"

"Ah..." _That's a good point indeed. _"Where's Kagura?"

"She's walking Sadaharu, we'll meet her there." He snorts, picking his nose, the monster stomach is surely searching all over Kabukicho for sukonbu. And Megane still rants next to him until they bump into them at the end of the staircase.

Tama is bowing respectfully and that's just disgusting. "Hijikata-sama, enjoy your day punishing the 'fucking Shinsengumi morons'." Mayora's holding a pile of paper and doesn't even pay her attention, reading the thing with a scowl. _Asshole_. She disappears in the bar and they're alone with the tax robber.

"My, my…Mayora…planning a revolt?"

"Hijikata-san, good Morning."

The other nods absently, not even looking up and that's when Gintoki gets it. _Oh! _"Mah! I guess my fun's over?"

Hijikata finally raises his head and furrows his brow, observing him intensely, "You guess right."

Gintoki only stares back with his usual carelessness and dead fish eyes and he wonders for half a second if the paper clutched in the Oni's grip is what he thinks it is. They stay silent, Shinpachi eyeing them cautiously and then Mayora suddenly turns around, waving a hand, "See you around…Shiroyasha."

He watches him walking away, not knowing for certain, and again avoiding the relentless Oni no Fukuchou and his questions... until their next meeting.

"Gin-san...does it mean?"

"Yep!" He starts in the other direction, rubbing his stomach... _Ah! Milk and sugar..._

"Is it gonna be alright?"

He glances quickly at his slightly worried employee, "Of course! I'm free...right? Ah Patsuan I need a parfait...that was some emotional turmoil, he scared me. I NEED sugar!"

It doesn't work and Megane walks faster, "Don't even think of it...hurry up!"

Gintoki sighs, "Virgins don't know the true pleasures of life."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

**_o-o-o_**

_Demon_

This morning, before patrol, Okita stumbled in his room with a naked blade. He had prepared himself for the attack but nothing came...

_"You're taking mine again!" At this rate his maintenance kit would be gone before the next week, "You have one, use it."_

_"Hijikata-san, don't be a selfish jerk." Imperturbably Sougo slid the blade between the paper, his hand steady, putting great emphasize to show how much concentrated on a task he could be…when he wanted to. "It's a present from Kondo-san, I want it to last longer."_

_"It's meant to be used baka, now or next month…what difference?"_

_No response, only the soft tap tap tap of the powder ball, not bothering Hijikata looked back at his own task. They may not share their thoughts, but moments like these were happening more and more. Comfortable together._

_Later Sougo finally sheathed his katana, "Done! Give me yours."_

_"In your dreams…no way you're touching it, I don't want it to be poisoned or something like that."_

_"Now…that's an interesting idea…I should've thought it myself. Given how hotheaded you are, you draw at least fifteen times a day without a valid reason...poisoning your sword is worthwhile indeed. Neh Hijikataa…now that I think about it, who's the one wasting oil?"_

_"Shut up!"_

_But he didn't, "I heard some men talking…about me."_

_Hijikata sighed, "Who?"_

_"Does it matter?"_

_"Let them talk. It's only rumors, just drop it."_

_It was mostly the young recruits who believed the stories of Okita having coldly murdered a geisha in obscure circumstances. Hijikata knew because men of the first squad, Okita's men, had told him, worried about another false rumor deteriorating the already damaged reputation of their Captain. For all the complaints about his sadistic tendencies and the general terror he could instill in them, loyalty came first._

_"Of course you don't mind…'Hijikata Toshiro', popular with women, who visits prostitutes although doesn't sleep with them...and why don't you anyway? 'Toshi' who had a secret, tragic lov-"_

_"What's your fucking problem?" Something was bothering the young man but not his reputation, "Since when you care about what others think anyway?"_

_"You changed the rule because of me, didn't you?" _ _It was the years, all those years together and a combination of hating, fighting, working, despising and knowing each other intimately that made Okita Sougo the person who knew him the most. _ _"Fear it might spread that Shinsengumi number three is a queer?"_

_"That's not the reason, you know it."_

_Sougo narrowed his glare, "Really?"_

_Hijikata shut his eyes for half a second, holding his exasperation and he was mostly exasperate at himself rather that the other, "I told you...that rule was stupid, unfair, old...pick your choice."_

_"And?"_

_He tried to concentrate on the schedule: Harada in sector 4, Nakagura sector 2, Saito sec-_

_"And?"_

_He gave up, "_ _Most men here won't ever marry or have kids...what's the point caging them more?" The young man didn't comment, the Vice-Commander went on, "You're not bound to anyone...Me, I mean...You're free..."_ _  
_

_Sougo stared with a strange look and then something crazy happened, Hijikata kissed him... while the shoji were only half closed, while the morning sun cast a light glow, while anyone could enter. People were walking in the corridor just few feet away, but he still kissed him without regret._

Hijikata reads again, his hand not as steady as he wishes. Of course he should have known...

_'Because the man is young and…scared.'_

_'Scared of the woman.'_

_'No. Scared that he could do it wrong…he doesn't want to disappoint the woman...'_

_'Because he wants the woman to...'_

He should have known that even a twisted sadistic brat could feel that too.

Clutching the paper firmly in his grip, his smoke consumed and forgotten on his lips, he walks rapidly to his destination. On his way he sees a trash bin and kicks it violently for no other purpose than to try to slow down his heartbeat.

And of course it's useless, because heart and trash are not related, even if both are messy.

Because trashes don't lie, unlike his heart.

_**o-o-o**_

_Okita Sougo_

"Kondo-san…d'you remember that day when I stole that book about samurais and their way of life? I was fifteen and there was a chapter about-" _shudō_ "-swords."

"Sougo."

_It wasn't the usual kiss. Usual kisses are before or after sex or sexual, we never kiss just for kissing. _"Kondo-san…maybe you know about that thing called-" _fear_ "-aah…never mind."

Spinning the spoon in his coffee, the Commander sighs patiently, "Sougo, we're supposed to be having a serious conversation."

_Must've been the ten days without doing it, because we never kiss during daylight either. _"Kondo-san…this morning Hijikata-san-"_ kissed me "-_annoyed me." _It was... nice. Very._

Disapproving look, that makes his stomach twitch, he never likes when his mentor disapprove…what would the Commander think if he knew everything?

_Kondo-san I'm_… "Gay."

"Huh?

Okita feels his heart racing… very fast. _Too fast_. "Kondo-san… I'm gay."

But Kondo Isao, the man he adores and respects the most, the man he would die for without blinking or thinking twice about it, is also a baka Gorilla. "There are other ways to convince me you know."

He has one. Omasami-san the whore died alone in a dirty street, in a town she hated and was sold to at an age he doesn't want to know. She died because of his killer sword and he wants to puke his bowels every time he thinks of brothels.

"You don't believe me?"

"I met your girlfriends, of course I don't."

_Coming out failed_.

It's noon, the restaurant is crowed and the Commander is not ready for the bombshell. And Sougo is tired, China overdid herself earlier and the bruises still ache like hell. He tells the second truth, "I don't want to pay for sex." And hopes this will end once and for all that silly idea, it's been a long since he lost his virginity, with a man at that... and sleeping with woman will never happen.

Kondo-san looks surprised, but rapidly a caring smile form on his lips, and genuinely guilty eyes, he scratches his head sheepishly, "Alright, you convinced me…I'm relieved actually."

A sigh of relief, "Me too."

"Yoshiwara isn't a place for everyone." Sougo agrees, it's a place for cold-hearted bastards. And liars. But that's not something he wants to think about now, he's having a moment with his mentor, even if the man doesn't understand. It's enough for now.

"I'm worried about you, Sougo-" He looks up, Kondo is frowning, "-this...didn't go well at all, I shou-"

"What are talking about? You saved the day, remember?"

"I shouldn't have agreed in the first place."

After all those years the Commander still sees him as a kid, even with the killings, even if Okita killed more than anyone else in the Shinsengumi. "You prefer we did nothing? Takasugi was there…and now we know who's with him, besides even Danna got played. Isn't that better to know our enemy?"

"Hahaha…you never change!" _I do._ "I guess…I'm just selfish…haha. I just...wouldn't know what to do with myself if Toshi and you…" _Died._

_Me neither._

"One more thing-" Sougo takes out a plastic bag from his pocket and puts it on table, "-here."

Kondo-san looks inside, horrified, then closes it quickly with a knot while casting anxious glances around and he blushes in embarrassment when a group of old ladies stare at him with contempt. The bag is transparent.

"Err…you can keep them…until…you know, the day you find TRUE LOVE." Gorilla pushes the bag to him, still glancing to the right, it doesn't work and the old babas start muttering outraged remonstrances. It's a family restaurant.

But Sougo's hands stay under the table and the _visible_ contents of the bag stay... above, "Ah, I'm relieved about that too. See, lots of them are missing and I can't give them back because Hijikata-san stole them from my stash, although I hid them carefully, next to my collection of miniature armies…and weapons."

"…Whaa-"

"He stole the condoms."

Kondo's eyes falls back on the bag, maybe trying to count them, "WHAT?"

"The cherry flavored ones." Sougo brings a hand to his mouth, drumming his fingers on his lips with a look of (not) utter concern, "You should worry more about _Tosshi_ and his cursed second-rate sword, which is not very special to be honest. I suspect he also nastily played with my Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon, which, by the way, is quite impressive for...aah…never mind that too." He crosses his arms, " Kondo-san, that sick bastard mayo freak isn't up to the job anymore, I mean...if he ever happens to be a depraved, sex addict...which he is. What d'you think?""

"You have a Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon miniature in your room?"

_Hijikata-san's ratting out failed._

"Kondo-san…I don't think that's the point."

That seems to instill some sense in the Gorilla's head, "Ah, you're right…Toshi. NO!_Tosshi_, I mean…didn't he get rid of him with that boxing match with Shinpachi-kun…and why wouldn't it be Toshi anyway?"

"Baka mayora?"

"Right…right, you're absolutely right…Haha…He freaks out normal women and never gets laid. I…I'll check on that…Wait…not _that_ like _that_…I me-"

"Ooh! Look, speaking of the demon."

Hijikata is standing outside, behind the window, and staring… at him. Those glacial-blue eyes locked into his own, yet they seem also incandescent and for some reason that stare sends shivers through Sougo's spine.

The Commander's voice breaks the spell, "_Tosshi _?"

**_o-o-o_**

_Hijikata Toshiro_

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

Here he is, a frightened look plastered on his face and Hijikata knows the Commander isn't in his usual state, because the Shimura girl has entered the restaurant with the Yagyu heir and Kondo hasn't made a move, yet.

"No…nothing…right Sougo?" But the Commander is still watching Hijikata with apprehension.

"You got mayo on your jacket…how humiliating for you, Fukuchouuu. Disgusting and embarrassing too, dog food on Shinsengumi uniform. Kondo-san, say something."

"I got nothing you brat!"

But the Gorilla isn't paying attention, "O…Otae-san." _Finally! _And the man rushes to the bar, leaving them both alone.

"What's up with him?"

Sougo shrugs, "Bananas withdrawal?"

"Tch!" Hijikata sits next to him, anxious. Kondo has already invaded 'Otae-san' personal space and he knows he hasn't much time. He searches his pocket and hands the paper to Sougo, "I'm not a cold-hearted horny bastard."

Whatever surprised look passes through the young man, when he reads it's already gone, "True, you're just a horny bastard."

Hijikata lights a cigarette while glancing towards their friend and chief, desperately trying to convince his true love to join them, "I don't have an irreversible mental disability either…and-" He doesn't know how to say it. A ruckus is slowly forming at the bar, Hijikata spots something hidden in the she-gorilla sleeve. _Damn, maybe she's a Hyakka too?_

"And…" But words refuse to come out until he senses a gaze on him, Sougo's gaze.

_'…scared…'_

"And I sleep with you because you look like you."

He can't say more, that's not in his nature. Maybe one day he will voice it clearly even if that possibility is slim, he never told Mitsuba he loved her either. Sougo puts the paper quietly on the table and then sips on his soda. Whatever the young man is thinking, Hijikata can't tell and his own thoughts are curiously occupied with that hidden weapon ready to smash a stubborn gorilla's head, but the man sitting next to him is the only one that has all his real attention.

"Hijikata-san-" He waits, and the waiting is too long for his own good. "-deep rooted feelings usually get in the way of duty."

Hijikata realizes the weight on his shoulders has become less heavy and he finally dares to face him, deep crimson eyes meet his and he fights back heated memories before it's too late, "Depends on who you're working with."

Sougo deadpans like always and shrugs too, "I still want your job." But the eyes have a different reflection in them, it's something wild. Wildness... Hijikata has been searching for that this morning and right now it burns his body.

The young Captain glances at the paper and takes it, there is hesitation in the movement as he folds it and leans slowly towards him. If anyone bothers to watch perhaps they could suspect something, although he doubts it, they are both high skilled dissimulator after all. Sougo opens the jacket and puts the paper back inside the interior pocket, it's almost imperceptible but Hijikata is certain the hand stay longer than necessary, here, on his chest. And then it's gone, but the sensation stays and he knows will stay for the rest of day.

"It's annoying-"

Caught off guard… twice today. But Hijikata knows it will be the last, Sougo won't let that happen ever again. The crimson eyes widen and it's uncertainty and vulnerability, like their first night.

"-people…here."

Sougo doesn't say anything, only the shoulders relax and the wildness comes back, Hijikata observes him, his gaze falling on his lips and again the eyes, almost daring the young man to…

A crash, screams and people glaring in their direction snap them to reality, the Shinsengumi sworn swords have to protect their Commander.

Instead they silently eat their dinner while said Commander is dragged out of the restaurant, Shimura Tae obviously has been asked to pursue the beating outside. She complies eagerly and Okita still tries to swap the mayonnaise bottle with, undoubtedly, one of his own personal laxative recipe. And Hijikata still wants Takasugi dead and the elite shit too, that's why he starts planning again.

They need more spies and more weapons and more…

終わり

* * *

**_This is it… _**

**_It's far, far from perfect but I like it and hope you too. I enjoyed very much writing this story and… my English is much better now!_**

**_Surprisingly, Okita's POV are my favorites, yep… never thought they would, Hijikata is still the one and only though. Of course this is completely OOC because no way on earth or hell those two would have the hots for each other or act so nicely… but I guess when you're twenty and in love… _**

**_But, hey, fiction is fiction and time to _****_give to Caesar what is Caesar's. Inspired by Watanabe Taeko's Kaze Hikaru : Hijikata's past (medicine peddler, being molested in his youth); Visiting prostitutes without the sex (in 'Kaze' it's Okita who does it)._**


End file.
